Striking Distance (1993)

Hello everybody. Welcome back to Clear and Present Dudes. Once again, I'm Rory. I'm here with my friends, Mike. Banshark.

And Sanya, so once again, thank you so much for coming back after after the last episode as well, which I appreciate was about the film that probably none of you had seen. Do you? Thank you. Yeah, Please, please, please keep coming back. Rate the show, review if you can on Apple. Spotify really helps us out to reach more people. So, you know, like and subscribe. If you're on YouTube, click the little bell icon, come up with a little Jack Ryan emoji, whatever. Yeah, all that good stuff. Thank you.

We'll need to get some kind of a Jack Ryan emoji for the discord server. Oh. Yes, we do. I suppose I should start by saying I apologise for picking a movie that hasn't got any spies in it or any military people in it at all. It's just a big dumb cop movie. Apology accepted.

Apology fucking refused because this film was good as hell and I'm not going to have apologies about it. This film fucking rules. All all the cops are dressed up as as naval officers for some reason though, so we'll allow it. I mean the sports with sports. There's a lot of boats, I'll give her that. Fair enough. It it it's got a nautical theme ongoing. I was. Going to ask you a question guys. Before we get into the movie chat, I sent a link into our WhatsApp group DVD about Bruce Willis's music stuff.

Have you heard The Return of Bruno the the pop music album by Bruce Willis? I have heard. Some of us not. It's blown my mind. So obviously Bruce Willis love and respected man and he's going through some some tough health stuff for the minute. So anybody say about This Guy Comes from a Place of Love Released some Blues music albums in the late 80s and then I think this compilation came out like in 1999 and stuff. Some of this stuff is incredible. Basically what it is is Bruce Willis is a movie star.

You can play the harmonica, you kind of like singing. And I think they just kind of give him a record contract. But to keep us on theme, one of the songs he did was Secret Agent Man James Bond is back, which I think is a cover, right? But but the production on this thing is amazing. So there's a big long intro at the bit that you're that you're listening to with like some ambient noise. A lot of the tracks on those albums start with ambient noise, right? This is a guy gonna have a car. Yeah, I mean, there's like cicadas and stuff.

So he's he's essentially a dungeon synth musician at this point with the ambient noises, right? Yeah. And then did you get a gunshot just there? Oh. That's the gunshot, yeah. There we go.

And there's like got a chat there about the ASA. Yeah. Pretty cool. Right. Yeah, this is pretty cool.

This is to be fitting with the rest of the album, but. Yeah, this is cool. I mean like the kind of layout samples of of of the coconut. Wolf like if he comes in, it sounds a bit like like the N64 Goldeneye, right?

That's one more chance. I did not expect this to go this hard. Yeah, man. OK, dude, don't kill me for this part. This is a little bit like Sting, a little bit.

It's getting slight, the police vibes.

I just want you to experience that. I also thought we'd keep us on track. A little. Bit.

Too late 0100. There's only no commitment or all of it. I'm in the full stop. But now you will make the void the copyright strike.

Yeah, let's do the year better than Christmas.

Saxophone solo That was fucking sick. So that's Bruce Willis and his musical career. Anyway, that was just my little contribution. I suppose the next thing we should ask about Rory is how you're getting on with The Bear and the Dragon for your your book club. The Bear and the Dragon Book Club, Yes. For anyone who didn't hear the last episode, we're doing a bit of an informal book club when I'm subjecting myself to the audio book of Tom Clancy's late stage novel, The Bear and the Dragon on my commute to and from work.

And it's, it's, it's killing me dog. So this book, right? I'm actually looking at my phone with Spotify now. This book's like 37 hours long, right? Unabridged. I've got 28 1/2 hours left of this book. A quick recap. This is I believe it's the last novel that Tom Clancy wrote himself fully. He wrote in the late 90s ninety 899. I think he was on his way out as far as really giving a shit about Ryland goes. And after this he did a lot of, you know, he got stuff ghost written. He lent, he lent his name, the things he consulted on stuff he did a bit of collaborations.

But this is this is like the last like fully fully 100% Clancy novel and it's a trip. This book has got a reputation as being quite insane. It's talked about a lot on the subreddit, non credible defence, especially regarding it's it's bizarre setting in which it culminates with the war between China and Russia in which Russia joins NATO and and China gets fully curb stomped quite quickly. In in fact, I'm told out of this like 1000 plus page book, there's only about 100 pages of war in it at the end.

So it's so it's quite a rapid curb some and China got some essentially the rest of the world now that NATO and the Russians have turned off and it's truly a unipolar world at that point. Right in the last episode I mentioned how there's a subplot, this character called Chasta Namori. Who was this? Who was this Japanese American CIA officer who was currently shrugging the secretary, a Chinese secretary to one of the Politburo? In the last episode, I went deep in the weird sex scenes that Tom Clancy writes, the really strange pillow talk in which she refers to his penis as a Japanese sausage.

Multiple times. She talks about her employer's penis because of course he's digging a secretary as a string bean and as the immortal line. Better a sausage than a string bean. Later on in that later on, she actually refers to this guy Chasta as Master sausage. Well, once again, once again, there's been an awkward sort of sex scene, which faded to black a little bit. But also once again, she said she's got a taste for Japanese sausage. Tom Clancy's written a lot about this man's hog. Dude. It's, it's weird.

There's this kind of diplomatic tension regarding Chinese violation of copyrights. This, this, this is not Hunt for October. And it depends what late October is. You know the hunt for October? There's no fucking people getting butthurt about China making illegal copies of Dell computers, right? It's just, it's just weird. Different sphere of warfare it. Really is. It really is. I mean also. How? How is this weirder than the fake clumsy plots you've come up with last week? Yes, it's insane, right?

I mean, you've got like the kind of like geopolitical set up of Russia has found some massive resources in like there's been some massive finds of new resources in Siberia and the Russian Far East, a significant amount of gold and insane amount of oil, which has one very fat American oil Baron really excited again, Tom Clancy given representation of big fat bastards like me. Awesome, thank you, Tom. So the better at the moment, there's this American delegation to China and the meeting with the Chinese premier and Jesus fucking Christ.

It's just you can tell Tom's stopped giving a shit by this point. I mean, he can write a very Byzantine plot that pulls together loads of disparate characters and you know it's going to come together under some massive set piece at the end because that's what it does. As I said before, it feels like there's no real AB and C plot and a Tom Clancy novel. Everything's just a plot and it's all at the end. You're going to get jammed into this one big ball of warfare and technical specifications of land attack cruise missiles.

So you've got this like this, this sequence when there there's a trade. I keep saying trade, there's a diplomatic delegation to the Chinese Politburo and the meeting the premier. And you can tell how little Tom gives a shit because at one point the Chinese premier says something to this American ambassador. I forgot his actual words, but the writer himself cuts the sentence off halfway and says he then proceeded to drone on for another 4 minutes. It's like my fucking God this is amazing right? This is like late stage clancyism.

It's like cross reference that with how self congratulatory he is in the open and beats of Hood for October when when Margaremius says I think right knows where I'm going. Yeah. When Margaremius kind of comments internally to himself about that. Like kind of the kind of stands at the water line around the harbour and and how it looks like the filth on the rim of a giant's bathtub. And Raimius actually thinks to herself, what a great simile or what a, what a, what a great metaphor. And it's like, hey, well done, Tom, you did it again.

I, I have a fucking pain for this character that I've created. One of the one of the reasons this guy was elected as the premier of China and the chief of the Politburo is for his looks, which is kind of weird to me because it's like, I guess I'm just imagining fucking handsome Squidward for some reason.

I don't know why, but I didn't sleep a lot last night. And yes, he was up all night knocking on the window. All I'm thinking of, all I'm thinking of is these American diplomats, one of whom Tom Clancy makes a note of saying is Jewish but eats bacon, right? We just imagine them talk. They were thinking, Oh God, he's hot. Jesus Christ. I was a that was a terrible that was a terrible squid. What impression also also. So like I said, there's like there's no A or B or C plus it's, you can see the webs being weaved together in the thing and the Baptist Church, the Baptist Church is a player in this.

The Vatican is also a player in this. One of the POV characters is a, as a member of the Vatican's. It isn't the Pope, but it might just fucking well be. No. So he's one of the he's he's, he's a member of the Vatican's intelligence community. I think I I think this book walked so Dan Brown could run, but. Sounds like it. Straight into a ball. So this guy so, so this guy is like a papal delegate like he's like an ambassador for the Vatican or something like that to China. And he's meeting like, he's like, met with this like Chinese Baptist preacher who studied in America and has connections to the Baptist preacher, father of the vice president.

And there's this like POV, brief POV of like a Chinese family. And the guy you're saying how they they had a son and the son was killed in an accident. But this lad's like a Baptist, right? And he goes to this, this Chinese Baptist free trial who's God's, it's God's plan. It fucking sucks ass, dude. And he's like, oh, yeah, it does. It's so shit. I'm going to have another kid because God wants us to. And so of course I've got one child policy right? And holy shit, as Tom Clancy got dark on this one he mentions is not what he mentions not one, but a few times about a practise of injecting a newborn second baby in the head with formaldehyde.

That's dark. That is dark, isn't it? And and I'm no like there is, there is, there is like, you know, the one child rule. There is a history of like infanticide without which fucking sucks. That's right. I did a quick Google today and I couldn't find any mention of formaldehyde injections. And I hope that's not true just because it's fucking really grim. But like, and, and, and I think this book might end with like the Baptist's overthrow in the Chinese Communist Party, you know? Oh. How far from the book are you at the minute?

I'm on track 41. Let me just pull up Spotify here. Track 41. There are 123 tracks. I'm not even halfway yet. Wow. I mean it's like 37 hours, right? And I've and I've done, I've got 28 hours left. So yeah, we haven't had any more hilarious shit with the Russians using kind of Western cultural touchstones like Pokémon that I thought was very funny. Just to recap, in the last episode, Russian detectives in a monologue as you saw a dead body pulled out of the river in Saint Petersburg was his features were twisted like some kind of a Pokémon.

And it's like, what the fuck, Cardinal of the Kremlin? This isn't hunt radical about. This isn't Red Storm Rising. This definitely isn't. It's a book that fucking exists. But I am going to finish this thing. I look forward to hearing the your progress as we go forward on the bear and the dragon.

That so far makes perfect sense. It's opening beats involves a pimp being assassinated by a guy with an RPG in Moscow, but you don't know if it was actually an attempt on the attempt on the life of the chief of the FSB or not because we're both driving identical cars. It's crazy. I'd say it was written by IF. If you got like a language learning AI model to read all of the non credible defence subreddit and it was like write a book that would be this. Plus plus we had shit about A10 Thunderbolts operating from aircraft carry also being used by the US Coast Guard.

Brilliant. On that note, shall we talk about striking distance? Please represent.

A clear and. Present danger national security of the United states you have no.

Idea what? OK, right. So guys, did you know that before he went to Seattle to live with his son Frasier, Marty Graham was actually a chief of homicide in the Pittsburgh Police Department with his adult son, Walter Bruce Willis? Yep. At least he was in this week's movie, Striking Distance from 1993, which from the wiki is an action thriller film starring Bruce Willis as a Pittsburgh police homicide detective, Thomas Hardy Film Co stars Sarah Jessica Parker, Dennis Farina and Tom Sizemore. It was directed by Rowdy Harrington and written by Harrington and a guy called Marty Kaplan.

The film was shot on location throughout Pittsburgh. It's got a shockingly low Rotten Tomato score of 20% with a 35% popcorn metre, and is widely regarded as one of the lesser Bruce Willis movies from the 90s. It also had a troubled production, with a disastrous test screening linked to numerous reshoots in LA, blamed on the amends to the script in production made by its star, who picked up the nickname Orson Willis during filming. Despite despite Harrington always taking for Willis in the media, There's apparently bad blood between the two at the time.

Hey, I'm going to say something that flies in the face of everything I've just said there, especially about growing tomatoes. But despite my better judgement, I I think this movie's actually pretty fun. I was hoping it was going to be more like Roadhouse, I guess. But apart from that, it was like kind of fun. Like what did you guys think? I loved it. Yeah, it was surprisingly entertaining. So I, I, I've, I've come across clips on YouTube, I hadn't put that together. I've had seen random scenes of it somehow and and it was way more enjoyable than I'd anticipated originally.

Watching random clips on YouTube is actually a pretty good way to to bet into the movie because like. I think I've seen the entirety of the menu in in YouTube shorts now. Incredible. Weird the the the short clipping guy on YouTube must be to feed that film to me.

I say that because this movie appears to be made out of random scenes loosely signed together by kind of a plot. Dead body in the water. We fished it out. Victim's name is Cheryl Putnam. I thought it was dumped up river late last night. Whoever killed or hung onto it for a while before he nailed it. How do you know I used? To be a homicide detective. The Lightning Detective Thomas Hartley. You're famous, man. Infamous was once the most decorated officer on the Pittsburgh police force. Is that stated in the movie at some point?

What the hell is that? A hot chest, man. Until he broke rank. Loyalty of all. Else. Except. Honour and told the truth.

It's occur. Seems like you could just throwing a cigarette into the river. Yeah. Please come in. Nice two one guy, he's got a new assignment and Shark a new partner. Hi, it's nice to meet you. I never had a woman partner. Before. Neither have I and A river full of dead bodies. Where's the state of? Murder.

Darn dangerous. This is not your. Case of understanding. Oh mom, they should have never put them in the water if they didn't want him to make waves. How many men upstairs? They rephrase that. Officer Hardy was not. Out. Of control and dangerous. Puts the bodies in the river so I'll find them. Nick. He wants me to find these girls. Bruce Willis, you just won't let go with you. Party behind. You. Sarah Jessica Parker, thank you. No, I should definitely be. Thank you. Oh I should be so good, thank.

You. Be. So careful in this life, honey,

Very careful. Striking distance.

That's a great trailer. The music just getting like higher and higher pitch, just bringing my attention. I love that. So good and the voice? Brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant. It almost, it almost feels like a more kind of contemporary current trailer because it's not got a massive amount of in a world where, I mean, it's got the bit of a voice over, but it's not like. The most decorated cup in Pittsburgh. I, I really like how how they show you the river rescue sign once and after that every cut is just Bruce Willis pointing guns at someone.

Like it's, it's, it's all being rescued. My my mental image is not Bruce Willis pointing a shotgun at me.

This is the opposite of rescue. This is like, I don't know, River Kill Squad or something. Incredible.

It does have a kind of funny expression when he's when he's when he's firing his pistol out, which is something we actually got into later in this episode when I'm going to read out the notes from the piano gallery. But that is a that is a funny face equals. It's certainly not on the same level as Steven Seagal's terrible blinking while shooting Awesome. That's a good trailer. Yeah, that was really good. That was fucking excellent.

We saw a bit of a bit of a baby halt, a bit of young Andre Brauer there. Hell yeah, dude. OK, let's get into it. But yeah, I'll, I'll tell you what. I'll talk about the plot a little bit. So I guess prior to the events of the movie, there's been like a series of killings that the cops are calling the Polish Hill Murders. Detective Tom Hardy is working the case along with some of his colleagues, including his uncle Nick Ditello, played by Farina. But concurrently, Hardy has drawn the eye of the entirety of his cop brethren by testifying against his own partner, who also happens to be Farina's son, Jimmy Tetello.

So like his cousin in a police brutality case. And it's against this backdrop that we then join Hardy and his dad, Vince, who's played by John Mahoney, AKA Marty Crane. And they're on their way to the Policeman's Ball in the year 1991. And that's how the movie starts. Two things at this point. One, we can already tell the face of his father ahead of time because as they're getting into the car, they spot his newly done up boat and he's like, dad, I see you got the boat fixed up and he's like, yes, I'm going to take it out on the river tomorrow.

So, you know, he's not living past today. And then and then 2, the movie might peak here pretty early with a really fucking cool car chase sequence. Like what do you think? Is that? Is that a controversial statement? It's car chase is brilliant. It's to be honest, it's one of my favourite car chases I've got right now. I think it's fucking class. I love how of its time it is. You've got big kind of clunky American police cruisers banging down a bumpy inclined Rd with with with such intensity that the light bar flies off from one of them.

You've you've got hubcaps flying everywhere. It's it's, it's raw. No, it's, it's raw. It's scruffy, it's shabby, It's real, it's believable and it's really cool. I love that car chase. It's. Awesome. Did you see the bit? Did you? I was hoping you'd notice this. It's like a beer head. Oh, you don't want to call you a beer head, but you are a beer head. Did you notice? Did you notice? Did you notice their police? Well, I think it's their own car. Do you do you see? I think the car is being chased.

Smashes into the side of a van and a whole bunch of crates and a whole bunch of crates of Iron City come come flying off it which. Is like a Pittsburgh baby. Hell yes, I know it was fucking be I mentioned, but yeah, I know it was it was brilliant. It was really, really good. It was a great car chase. Big fan of it. Massive fan of it. That's fucking awesome. So that car chase is they're going like a tip, they're on their way and they get a tip that that this got this, this car has been sighted and they think it's related to the Polish shell murders.

So like everyone, everyone's chasing it down. And then they kind of just join in the chase. And there's that really fucking cool bit where they're like kind of like chasing. I hope they do chasing, but they kind of guide them into like particular route they want to take by like blocking off other routes along the way with with other police cruisers. Then they make this big barricade and they all line up and all police go out of their cars and they're all there with their guns, like all lined up.

And then like Dennis Freena just wanders over to to Willis and his dad just goes, is this the policeman's ball? Fuck, I love that.

That's the somewhere list of quotes of the movie, I think. I love that. Yeah, definitely this and and and this film has brilliant quotes from it. It is an eminently quotable film. Really is. So I guess, yeah, what happens there is the chase continues on. As you mentioned, the girl on that really bumpy Rd where like the the light racks come off the top of the cars and stuff. They pile off the side of a grassy hill and flip the cars. They turn and turn and turn it face the black. And when we come back again, all we see is that John Mohoney's been shot dead and the culprit got away.

And that's like the end of the 1991 segment. And then the rest of the movie we pick up two years later and things have gone S for for our guy Tom Hardy here. So they've they've caught the guy. That's right. They've caught they they think, they think they think they've caught the culprit of the the Polish Hill murders. But actually Tardy's pretty concent. So it's like a a Patsy, this guy called Kessa. And you look at him, you're like, well, yeah, it's not him because he's tiny. What's he doing? Loving, loving women's bodies off a bridge.

You can't even lift them up the bridge. So. So immediately Tom Hardy's not not taking that and he's still like as pariah and the rest of the police force because they all, they all hit him. Oh, I did. I did miss one bit. So that all happens. That's still 1991. And then his partner, Jimmy Tesillo, who's been testifying against, is suicidal and is standing on the edge of a bridge and, and despite some pleading and everyone trying to get him down, he jumps off the bridge, flashes into the war, and then we don't see him.

And then it fades out and it's like 2 years later. You're the best cop. You're the best cop. Yeah, that's right. You're the best. You want what's for the best cop? Oh, it's for the best cop. It's fucking brilliant. This guy's awesome, right? So like he has this one scene here at the start where where he's like screaming and he's obviously like in great distress. Spoiler for everybody who hasn't watched the movie. Will he comes back and like for the entire the rest of his performance at the end of the end bit of the movie, he is just spouting off like insane lines and he's hilarious.

But we'll come to that when we get on to it. He's great, though. Yeah, I'm a big fan of him. I've got some funny trivia about him as well. So the movie picks up in in in 1993. His life has gone on the pan. He's he's inherited his dad's stuff. So he owns that boat they were talking about. He lives in a houseboat and he no longer is a homicide detective for, for the PPD, you know, works for the, the, the PPD river rescue. And he's a boat cop. And he goes to work every day in a little polo shirt and little shorts, little boat shoes and a little cap.

And he's like the resident bad boy maverick of the of the boat cops. And the best thing is about this is this is film wants us to believe that this is that kind of kind of a his his punishment really, right, Because he's because he's broken the court of silence and he's and he's like he's testified against his partner, who's also his cousin, which is brilliant. He's a fifth generation cop, Rory. He's a generation cop.

He's a 17th generation cop. Has dad arrested George Washington? That's a that's a red flag an inch. If someone tells you they're a fifth generation cop, you're like, fucking. Left and like so obviously the film is is telling you this is this is this is his punishment. So he lives on a fucking cool houseboat. Yeah. I mean, it's, I mean, it's not like a depressing houseboat. It's a cool one. I mean, it's cooler than the houseboat that Duncan McLeod lives on in, in Highlander, the TV series. And that's a cool fucking houseboat.

Oh, he has a job that lets him turn up drunk, hungover and late and. And he seems to not have been punished that much by life, you know. Oh, Roy. I've got a question to ask you, Roy. Yeah. Is this an episode of That's a really Cool Houseboat. This is an episode of That's a Really Cool Houseboat. Hi, I'm Mike. I'm here. I'm joined by Sanya and Rory. Welcome to the episode of This is a Really Cool Houseboat. I was just talking about some really cool houseboats that I saw recently, and you were talking about that one that you saw from Hollander.

The only really cool houseboats I can think of is the one that Dax Shepard lives in, in the first few couple of seasons of Parenthood. Any other cool houseboats you can think of?

There is the houseboat that is regularly referred to in the multiple tracks called Riverbank Brackets number on Buck 65's album Talking Hunky Blues, which sounds like a pretty cool houseboat. It probably only needs a few minor repairs in the words of Buck 65, but when with with us not being able to see images of it, I'm afraid he's on crossworthy Narrator if anybody else has any more cool house boards. I've got any cool cool house boards. As much as I would love a cool house board, unfortunately I don't know.

That's there we go. That was a cool episode of that's a really cool houseboat back back to the pod.

Watch the. Films. I don't know. So, so, so we're meant to believe that that that Tom Hardy glove that he's called Tom Hardy. By the way, Tom Hardy's life is like taking a severe downturn and he has to sleep because he drinks a lot. Obviously he's not happy, but he hasn't got a good reason because like he's got a fucking cool life. He'll just tool out in a boat every day. Yeah, yeah, he's, he's getting significantly more fresh air and sunshine than other other Homicide guys. It's probably still building up a really good pension.

He's just. Patrolling the river as well, like. Yeah, it's class. He's not doing stakeouts. He's not. Yeah. Chilling out looking at drunk teenagers in bikinis while drunk himself and he gets to throw a stick at colleague in the river every morning. Exactly. You know how much my life would be improved if I could just toss other subalterns into the water if I felt like it. It would be amazing. Yeah, the Navy doesn't like you doing like man overboards. They really, they really hate that. Yeah, especially if you don't use the the dummy.

Yeah.

I was once asked, we were asked to to to bother navs with a man overboard drill and the nautical officer just came up to me take care of it and I was just grabbing some leading hand to to help me and I was pissed with another leading hand but just wouldn't shut up for like an hour out on the bridge wing while I was working. And I just yielded that dummy one handed over the side and the other leading hand just looked at are you OK? I was like, no.

That's that's such a Sanya coded thing as well, because for anybody obviously do a bit of theatre of the mind here, Sanya is a big motherfucker. Sanya is the kind of guy who can eat many things one handed. Yeah, man. So yeah, he's got this. He's got this pretty fucking cool job as a boat cop. It's brilliant. It's seems kind of low stakes, at least at the beginning. And yeah. His partner, Timothy Busfield, a guy called Sacco, absolutely hates him, and they take regular bets about how late he's going to be for work.

You never say. He turned it forward at 5 and it was like broad daylight still. So he's rocking him to work at 5:00 in the evening and he's like struggling to get there on time. It's. Amazing man like this guy. This guy wakes up at the crack of noon. He smokes a couple of tabs, gets out of bed, drinks some whiskey. Peter's cat, Bob. Bob's great. Bob's the MVP. You know, this is just just brought a horrid pun I've heard before and apparel to another cop movie. To my mind, you know, it's just he he's a detective who gets involved in well, not not corruption, but cop on cop violence.

And as things happening, he used to be detective. They turn him into something else. This is like RoboCop but they make him rowboat cop Holy shit it's horrible but I really had to get it out of my system. No, no, that's that's amazing. It's amazing. I mean it's like much lower budget when it comes to the augmentations to give him because Peter Weller gets the whole robot Cyborg outfit and. And he gets alcoholism. He gets alcoholism with a knee brace. It's all gone.

I I like as well, Bruce Willis is meant to be like totally fucking busted and like knockout and a physical wreck. But in fact he's still in relatively good shape. He's just got a knee brace. Yeah, you. Know literally exactly the same. No, no, yeah. No reduced mobility to speak of whatsoever. Yeah, I'm going to look at the, I'm going to look at the Plot Summary because I can't remember what happens next. Like how this how this thing even kicks off. Well, I haven't talked yet about this excellent way that the the killer's work is shown with that little remote controlled police car that's tooling around and the the music that brilliant.

Obviously the went off the needle drop category. Yeah, yeah. This has threw me off. Yeah, so I thought when the movie started, that one, I thought it was some really weird, shoddy miniature work. Initially I was like, what the fuck? How old is this movie? What's going on? That's not a real car. What's happening? It's not a sofa. And then when it became apparent that there was a remote control car in an indoors in someone's homicile, I was like, oh, OK, it's just a bit arty and weird. But then it showed that it wasn't I because then we got the weird like leather gloves, like playing with the RC controller scene, I was like, oh, that's very odd.

That's just a bit like, isn't it edgy? I'm going to stand up for giallo films here. And it is, it is pretty arty because, like, this is when we're going to the notes on the Piano Gallery, most of the four and five star reviews of people who were cool enough and drinking off and smoke enough cigarettes and drive boats enough to realise this is an American giallo film. Oh, don't dispute that. I mean, it's like, it's definitely there's influences of like Italian horror, the weirdness, the weird kind of Eroticism, the, the, the weird fucking sensuality and sexuality and just the fucking bonk as juxtaposition of like, you know, toys and silly music and fucking brutal destruction of women.

And so it's, it's an American jello film. I see the rest of my time. I'm not being way off basic, but the the touch point I got from the start of it, just that vibe of it was the have you seen? It's been a long time since I saw it, but Magnum Force, which I think is like the 5th Dirty Harry movie, the 3rd or the 5th, I can't remember which one. I think it's the fifth one, but that starts and it's like a it's a cop who does the murders and he's a bike cop and it shows him like doing like these weird like executions from from the back of his bike.

I think at the start of the movie. But I got the same kind of vibe from that. That's what was kind of, that's why I placed that as like, Oh yeah, OK, I see it a little bit. The other thing I was going to say about this was I get the impression that you're bang on, right, about the jello thing. And I think the jello thing was probably a lot more present in the screenplay. And I think this is part of this and I think this is part of the stuff, but tested really badly that they've had to kind of like smooth out by by putting more action sequences in.

And like, all of the ones I was going to talk about actually was, you know, earlier on I mentioned like some stuff happens in the plot for like no reason whatsoever. What is up with the weird sequence with the drug deal that went wrong on the barge which turns into a hostage situation that that Bruce Willis gets involved with for like and then it's never mentioned again? That's that's just weird, isn't it? Yeah, but. I think that's like one of the things we've added in to make it more actioning.

It is certainly better maritime CQB than the last film we talked about. However, which is which is which is not hard. There are episodes of Rosie and Jim that have better maritime CQB than than Tom Clancy's OPS and at the the VHS home release version that that particular scene doesn't even really seem to have much in the way of like lasting effects in the film going forward. I mean, you'd think that if this was a real kind of crux of the film and a real kind of like major plot point, I would be like, Oh my God, he pulled off, pulled off this great sea of and rescued these people on this tugboat and stuff.

And now we're going to make him a homicide detective again or something. But it doesn't, it doesn't go that way. It just goes back to being a boat cop and hang around with Sarah Jessica Parker and you know, being being watched by his cat Bob as he gives someone. Suppose we haven't, we haven't really mentioned that yet, have we? So, So he's he's a boat cop. He's pissed off Timothy Busfield one too many times. And then he goes into work one day and finds that his partner has been reassigned. And her name is Joe Christman, I think, played by Sarah Jessica Parker.

And initially he's pretty sexist about it. And he's pretty unimpressed about having this young girl who's like got no experience and what you doing? He tries to get a sack immediately by talking to his boss to the up on a pretty bad foot. They got on a little patrol together. They pull over my MVP of the movie, a guy called Billy Harton who plays a character called boat preppy. Some kids who are like drinking. He again he he confiscates their bottle of booze, doesn't give him a ticket or isn't or isn't going to give him a ticket and then looks like he's about a drink from the bowl and certificate part is not happy with that.

But but the only thing that that scene we're talking about does is it gives her a character beat of like saving his ass basically. So he's about to get shot and she's like party behind you and then he's like blows the guy away and it's like you were really good out there. You were really good. So they have a lot of bonding bit I suppose what I was going to say about the movie. I've got a question about that scene as well. Let me see the floor. See you then, Sir. How the fact does he get from the bridge pillar onto the barge when the barge is driving like 5 metres past it and he stood on a fucking ladder run like half a metre above the water.

I don't know about you guys but I I personally cannot jump 5 metres without giving it a bit of a run first. At least he. So the so the movie stores up first by just showing him climbing up a ladder doesn't doesn't this? It's amazing, isn't it? It's just Scotty ladder me over. But like, yeah, absolutely. I thought the same thing. I was like, I got a minute. So they're going to let off on the pillar here. She's going to like stood away, her head pretending that she's not involved and isn't tracking it.

And then how's he going to get onto the barge? But he's just climbs the bladder and he's soaking wet and he's like, right, He's been underwater as well, so. Not even fully underwater because like, he puts like a shotgun cartridges in his mouth, right? So like, his head's going to be both water. He's trying not to get those wet, I mean. I understand there's a significant shadow zone in in front of that barge He's got to have got, he's had to have jumped into the water as it's passing and then avoided like the pressure force pushing away from the ship, then has to try and pedal up to it and climb on as it's moving as you see about 5 knots so.

Yeah, I mean, he's doing all this with a busted knee and with an alcohol problem. He's probably either still drunk from the night before or drunk from his live now this morning. And holding a shotgun. And and he's holding a shotgun. He is. He is the best cop. Intubitibly, but I suppose my overall impression of the movie before I could get into the weeds of it is there's sometimes a movie can be really satisfying. You know, when you like you're watching a movie where the screenplay is hasn't been, there's been really well planned, hasn't been fucked around with too much.

And all these little character beats that you think are just little character beats all end up coming back and paying off in some really satisfying way. I bring this up because I watched My Cousin Vinny the other night and it's a utterly flawless movie. And like, and like every little character beat from that movie or every little instance that happens that teaches you a little bit about the characters ends up coming out back in the trial, which you think is like running completely wildly out of control.

And yet somehow they pull off like the last. He's literally like in real time in the movie has like 90 minutes to pull it all together and he does it just just it's all through pay off of stuff that's happened earlier in the movie. That movie absolutely nails it. Like that's that's a flawless movie. And then this movie, like there is stuff that calls back, but it's stuff that is so like tremendously like Telegraph to that it's not satisfying because you don't feel like you've noticed anything. It's just going to cram down your throat the whole way.

Do you know what I mean? Like like like the Taser, for instance. Like that's really like that's obviously a big deal throughout the whole movie. The gloves isn't particularly subtle. You know, the the best cop thing, the little cheesy line between the dad, the dad wanted grandparents and the last thing he says in the movies is like grandkids, grandkids, not grandparents, but you know what I mean? But so this so like, I don't sound like I'm down to the movie because I'm not down to the movie. Like it's really fun.

But like, yeah, it just it just it's reduced it from a tear from being like a like a perfect movie to be in like a pretty, pretty standard vehicle. Yeah, it feels like it's been like sliced up a bit by some rewrites as well, as you said, like it definitely feels like it feels like it's been like they've made it more of an actioner kind of thing. It's funny again, how obviously not going to like fucking Bang Bang bang the jello drum too much. But it's interesting, like a lot of their gum like one or two star reviews, like this is a bad action movie and the four or five stars review reviews like this is an American jello.

Holy shit. So I think I I I think it I think they've tried like action movie at a bit. I think they've tried to kind of make it a bit more conventional than maybe it was going to be initially, and I think that does the movie dirty. I agree there's there's some because there's some really great talent in the movie and there's lots of stuff that I think really works as well. So like plotting wise, not so much. OK. The action itself I think is done really, really well. Like I'm, I'm got any comments about like negative comments about about the action itself.

I think it's really done really, really well. I think it's a good like it's all practical effects pretty much. I don't see any digital compositing there. If there is any, then that's a good thing. So I couldn't tell. Yeah. So that's really good. So that technically that's really, really good. I also really, really love Dennis Farina in the movie. I think Tom Sizemore is surprisingly really good in the movie. Tom Sizemore a dude though I love Tom Sizemore. He's had a very up and down life, God rushy soul, but.

He's another Angel in heaven. Man, what a fucking dude. It's brilliant in this, really good. Even Sarah Jessica Parker is like, not bad. Yeah, yeah. Andre Roya, an early performance him he's he's just a young pup, but amazing. I mentioned two few bus field already and we were going to go into all this when we do the casting. Oh, Brian James as this guy, Detective Eddie Elliot, the guy who played Leon in Blade Runner and was in Cabin Boy, that guy and who's in the fulfilment, the guy who fucking hates Hardy and like keeps keeps the one in the fight him.

He's so. Funny scumbag. He's really he's he's absolute scumbag. He's in scumbag mode. I love it. This film's got a lot of total fucking scumbags in it, which is something I like about it. I like those that have a stacked deck of Dick heads. It's. It's it's you wouldn't, I don't think you'd get a movie made like this these days on this kind of budget with this kind of like, I don't want to say, yeah, I'm going to say panache, all right. Like a movie, a movie that's written by a guy from Pittsburgh.

It's set in Pittsburgh as a Pittsburgh movie. Like Like now it would be like, this is the kind of thing that like the what they called the Russo Brothers would, would, would pump out on Netflix, but it would be all against like a green screen and it would have no personality whatsoever, you know, and a couple of stunt casting choices to tie it together. It would have that like we had we had Netflix film dialogue that you've seen now when when people are like start to describe the things that they're looking at for the benefit of people who were like watching the film while doing the iron and have you read about that?

Yeah, I have heard about that, yeah. Crazy isn't it? How like this like films now when a character will see, oh, I'm here looking at this beautiful sunset with you and it's like, wow, this is a radio play man design. People who were folding clothes while while while listening to the TV. Now that's disturbing. It's dummy as I'm of the average attention span of the of the person these days, isn't it? Yeah, man. And like Netflix films now you've got like characters like literally seeing what they're doing while they're doing it for for the benefit of people who are just, I'm just going to put this film on while I'm while I'm just unclogging the sink or whatever.

And it's like. If this is to help people with short attention spans, we're just one step away from the next level, which is obviously, as we all know, just every screen wherever we go, split screen and playing Subway Surfer at the same time. It's going to be in Netflix shows, it's going to be on the BBC mic, it's going to be in OPS rooms, it's going to be on the sonar screen. It's gonna be like a bit in a Minority Report where he's like trying to run away, but he's Irish. Just keep getting scanned.

So there's like loads of targeted advertising. John Anderton, buy these sunglasses. They'll be like that. But it'll be like, oh. Shit. Skippity toilet. Yeah, I keep having flash visions of me being in the OPS room and it's just Skippity toilet and and Subway Surfer just popping up on the radar and on the sonar screen. So just the the Gen Z PO's in front of the screen. Keep paying attention. I wish you hadn't, said Gen Z's peers. Because that's so that is a thing, yeah. I, I know. I, we, I, I am bossing around.

People have been born past 911. I was about to say the exact same thing. It's so. Fucking. Weird. Yeah. Too soon or Fritz? The ship was on last week. You were both both born in like 2003, so burst into the cradle of the global War on Terror. Yeah, it was like, what have what have, what have, what have I been doing the last two decades of my entire life? I wasn't even born for the reason. Dancing, drinking, having a good time. What Roadhouse? Roadhouse. I've I've got one question about about the film.

Actually, you've, you've brought it up earlier. We should talk about the movie. That's a good idea. The cat Yes, of the. Cat. Do we think the cat is there as a sex joke? Oh, because it it's in it basically apart from like half a second in between, it gets more scream time twice. Once it's in the beginning when the cat is in the bed with him and the second time is when he's going at it with his colleague. It's like a visual, it's like poetry. It rhymes. Yes. This this. So the script for this was definitely written by someone who has both a cat and a wife.

Because I mean, it's cat coded behaviour that they they do not care about what the human is doing. They will watch the human and hang out with them, whatever. That can attest that with. My 2 cats. I see. Very, very fair, yes. Yeah, also just just. Just women and cats in general. Similar behaviour. Occasionally it's like what are you doing? You are being a cat right now. Sees this.

Clear and present dudes cancelled. Yes, success. It has taken me getting off Twitter and the wider Internet to finally get cancelled for something I've said publicly. I can't believe it's taken me this long and I've I've already caused international outro for our Ministry of Defence and a hoard of random boomers harassing it and that had no personal consequences for me. So if a cat joke is how I go, so be it. I think we need Sanya to give us context here regarding the Ministry of Defence, the boomer jokes and the frigate meme.

Oh right, tangent. This podcast is now going to be 5 hours. Oh sorry is this is this like an episode of I really like frigate memes? Clearly, yes. Welcome to. This this this week's episode of Man, I Love Frigates. This week's episodes of MILF. Man, I like frigates. Or is it a frigate? Or do we just call everything a frigate that is grey and floats, including a dead pigeon in the canal. Right, so so. There is some yes, yes. Obviously.

This is a pigeon. It flies, it deals with the air, but it is a frigate. I expect it to do anti submarine warfare right? How do I explain this briefly without going on a complete wildtangent? As mentioned before, I am in the German Navy. The German Navy has a weird habit of basically labelling every major surface combatant to frigates no matter what it actually does. Whether it's for air defence, anti submarine warfare, or just error denial or surveillance or whatnot. Counter piracy, you name it, we call it a frigate.

This is by everyone in the Navy's stout opinion, mainly for political reasons, because calling something a destroyer sounds scary. It's a warship. It destroys things. We don't do that here. We've we've done that twice. Nobody liked it. We don't do it anymore. So now everything is a frigate. This includes warships with a tonnage greater than that of an Ali Berg class destroyer or similar size to a Takhandaroga class cruiser, while having the same offensive capabilities of an offshore patrol vessel.

Hence I have taken to I think roughly 2 1/2 years ago now online on Twitter. When I was still on Twitter and had a surprisingly large following for someone who posts shitty niche memes, I've taken to taking the piss out of that very naming habit. Basically going around calling Death Stars just oversized German frigates Warhammer 40K Emperor class spaceships. Also clearly just a German frigate has gone out of proportion and such on this has gotten a slight cult following online. Somehow it even made it its way into some defence analysis video and unfortunately developed quite a life of its own when it escaped containment.

Got into Reddit and several other platforms and got picked up basically. But every boomer using Twitter was able to read and to identify a joke. Which then led to every time the German Ministry of Defence would make a post related to naval affairs. The Commons just basically being 50 people going, that's a frigate no matter what what was happening there. Even the sailor training ship of the German Navy going abroad was just greeted by 50 people chanting that's a frigate. NATO posting a picture of an aircraft carrier.

It's just it's a through deck frigate. The flight OPS, everything is a frigate. There's got slightly out of control and actually had a major part in me finally getting rid of Twitter. Amazing. Great, great episode. Great. Every time I showed up somewhere someone would be like, aren't you the frigate guy? And I was. I was somewhat close to to ranking the inventory of the armoury by mouthfeel at that point because I just could not get rid of it. The frigate guy, you know, actually it's funny. So it's funny that you mentioned 140,000 spaceships because the sword class frigate from that game has a mass of approximately 6 megatons and 26,000 crew.

So clearly, in the grim darkness of the 41st Millennium, they have taken the sanny a Buicks on classifications of frigates, as in everything is a frigate, and just ran with it. No, no, clearly no. In in the the 41st Millennium, the German Navy is still trying to fight pirates of Somalia. Oh. My God, Brilliant. There's another great episode of Man I Love Forgets. Yes. Anyway, back to you, shall we do? Man, I love fasting. Next, Mike. I like having a job.

I fucking don't. Going to be a professional podcaster, baby. You're going to Jack the whole damn thing in going to talk about boots and Bruce Willis and cops and leather gloves and young women being killed for committing the crime of having sex with Bruce Willis previously. That is exactly what happens in the movie. So this is what's happening track. Bruce Willis believes it's a the Polish Hill killer, the guy who killed his dad, he thinks, and the whole thing. So he tries to get a hold of some information about this, goes back to his old horn and is comforted by Dennis Farina and tells him to back off and stay out the way.

And I think this is roughly around the time that the whole Justice Sergey so park a bit gets involved and it's becoming clear that the the killer's onto Bruce Willis and he's toying with him and he's trying to ruin his life, right. And it comes up to probably my favourite scene in the movie, actually. I'd like to get your opinion on your favourite since the movie. But my my favourite 1 is early morning I think Hardy and and Joe are doing patrol on their boat and they see like in an inlet there's a there's a road bridge and they see a guy dumping what appears to be a wrapped up body off the side of the bridge.

So they try and chase down the car from their boats by following it along the road, which also happens to be along the river shore. So they which involves like Willis, just like blindly firing his his like service pistol like into where the car is up the up the bank through the trees. Just like stop, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, stop. It's the police bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Every single shot like like like misses. Stop or I keep shooting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bang, bang, bang, bang, Nick, you stop right off fire.

There's there's, there's that classic. And then when that when that runs out, you get he picks up like is, is marine flare just like stress flare began and like bumps, that doesn't work. Get another marine fur up bumps and then fires a flare directly at the car doing some perfect You'll probably have an opinion about this, but he he leads his target beautifully and then the the flare like lands in the back of the car, setting the car ablaze. The car flips, smashes in the bushes and somehow the driver gets out, runs away, is unscathed and then and then it cuts to the the dive in section including Timothy Busfield, his ex partner, digging like recovering the wrapped carpet, unrolling it.

And it is just like some rocks wrapped up in the carpet. And and they all laugh at him because they just assume it was a guy fly tipping suspiciously in the middle of the night. Great scene, epic and at this point even I have F. Opinions about gun usage, which is usually Rory's job. Yeah, but Sanya, please pop off. This coincides actually with both a random thought I've been having for years and me having seen a a fitting YouTube video recently. So I have a concealed carry permit for guns that can fire flares, blanks and gas or pepper cartridges.

And I've been wondering actually for a while what a flare fired at someone at close proximity would do, because it seems a fairly unreasonable thing to allow someone to conceal carry as I I, I don't know who who's watching this podcast. If if you look at a flare gun, basically picture a calibre of a sort of shotgun firing a rather unprecise, slightly smaller than a golf ball round of burning ignited phosphorus and something. Personally, I think being shot with that would be very, very unpleasant, but I've been wondering for quite a while how precise that actually is.

And I have recently come across randomly across a YouTube short of someone doing exactly that, trying to hit the target with a flare gun at a range of roughly 15 to 20 metres. So not not ideal gun fighting range for, for, for a handgun, but also not that far away and significantly, significantly closer than than Bruce Willis does in the film. And that flare is going anywhere but towards the target because it's, it's got low velocity and, and massive air drag. So for for him hitting that car with a flare gun instead of his government issued 9 millimetre with which I'm assuming he regularly takes to the range to actually hit things with rather than how you use a flare gun which is just hold it up and fire it without breaking your wrist by accident.

Seems a bit wild. Also, I don't know what's what's in in Philly police departments, emergency flares, but I don't think a flare gun will make a car explode. So. He's just built different. Nuclear flare.

My answer is an emergency. I don't know if you've seen the the documentary Dredge 3D but but I. Watch an urban Carl Urban blowing up things with flares documentary. But but a mega city one the street judges use use hotshot ammunition which is very much like your flair and I and I think what it does is it causes the heads to melt a little bit and then catch on fire. Yeah, yeah, it's like the hot trot, hot trot ammunitions like it's well it's like a high-powered like incendiary, isn't it? So it's again century with like penetrative qualities that goes through body armour and at the body and purely sets at a hard like so sorry, absolutely sets it on fire, but also purely sets it a hard it's it's amazing.

I need to watch Dread again. That was so Raji, 25% of our listenership is American, so that means. OK, Americans, listen up actually. So a very, very funny story is that a friend of mine who's who's Ukrainian took in a couple of Ukrainian refugees a couple of years ago. And I was drinking with one of them. And my friend was explaining to him like, Raji's like Chavez, like, like Travis. And this guy was, I mean, I was like Gobnicki and he's like, so Gobnicks, Chavez, Raji's same thing. I really do appreciate that he can just like blow us through all his side arm ammunition.

And then he's like, right, what else can I reach out and touch this guy with?

Like you would have felt like the bro who connects probably like the emergency or something. The best fucking thing is right that he's a mint shot when the film wants it to be, when he manages like shoot a gun out of a guy's hand with a shotgun, when he boards the boards, the the the the yet when he's got his pistol, which I mean you'd think it's something that he I mean like I know, like it's a bit of a it's a bit of a sore spot. Isn't like a lot like him. The police are meant like qualify fucking once a year on guns and off not very good shots or whatever.

You see discourse about how police are crap shots because they've got like just send a few a few downrange and then whoever qualified. But but it's great how like the film has him was a really good shot when it needs him to be. And then when when when he doesn't need to be and he needs an excuse to switch the flag on all of a sudden he's like just massively. I mean, in fairness, you know what and 9 millimetre pistols not going to stop and motor car anyway. I mean if. I mean, I guess if you're it.

Really depends where, where, yeah, if you hit the driver or the tyres, but otherwise, yeah, you know, I mean you could if you had the cooling system. It's it's going to be breakdown like some place down range, but it's. Yeah, yeah, just yeah. And, and I mean, he's, he's, he's got the ability to use a fucking shotgun without having much time to aim, to shoot. Hip firing it. He's yeah, yeah, it's hip fire, but with his sidearm we can't hit the tyres and make it blow out and make it do a flip and stuff.

And that's, that's, that's probably just because he hadn't drunk just the right amount of booze that morning. There's a sweet spot, right? Right, he's going through the thralls. Or like when you're playing pool the pub tweaking. There's a sweet spot. It's like the three, It's like a three to five pint sweet spot, you know? I mean in fairness he is on a moving speed boat. Yeah, shooting at a moving target. With a handgun. But that, that makes the flare thing even weirder to me, Yeah. Because that's also a handgun, but it hasn't got a fucking rifle to barrel.

It, it, it's, it's, it's, it's not only a handgun, it's, it's the worst handgun. Exactly like. Like it's like. That's that's like, remember when we went to the range for clay pigeon shooting? Yeah. I think the equivalent would be both of us miserably failing and hitting the the the pigeons with the shotguns and then in a fit of desperation just throwing a random brick at one and but then suddenly nailing it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like getting angry and like throwing my phone at it or something. Oh wow.

All of a sudden. This is the the equivalent of you going shut up you crowd bastard and just lobbing a brick at it and suddenly hitting it square in the middle. Yeah, it's, it's wild and and, and, and I mean, fair play Tom Hardy for his weapons handling. I think like the Pittsburgh Police Department probably like real had had had a look at its use of force rules and added flare pistols as like acceptable use of force. Can you imagine beat cops in like a city centre getting in a gunfight, expanding the sidearm's ammunition?

It is a weapon of last resort, opening a fire with fucking flare guns. Has there been a great fire of Pittsburgh yet?

I mean, given that it's it's the United States and the United States love to militarise their Police Department, I am amazed they I'm not pulling up the fast attack craft armed with anti ship missiles every time there's a gunfight on the river. The The Great Fire of Pittsburgh was a conflagration in Pittsburgh which occurred on the 10th of April 1845. It was sparked by an unattended fire that ignited a nearby ice shed or barn. It's not yet determined on this Wikipedia article whether Bruce Willis is the root cause of the fire.

Look to the film The Mate, starring Bruce Willis was called Fire and Ice. Oh, oh, oh. Speaking of the the the film name, they've changed it in German, actually. Oh, what is it in German? So, so it's, it's, it's a translation, but not quite the same. It's in German. It's called lethal proximity, which sounds it sounds way too descriptive. Lethal proximity. Lethal proximity, Yeah, and arrogant ass. You've killed ass.

Pretty much. Yet another callback. The the the Amazon sub version I can get has German subtitles for like the the movie things where it says 2 years later and such and where it says 2 years later in English. In German it just says Wasser Schwarzpolitzai, which is like German for for like water protection force. It's like like the fucking river police or whatnot, which is like no relation whatever to it being 2 fucking years later. It's like, no, this is this is about a time stamp. This is nothing to do with a job description.

I don't. Know what architecture this is? Insane lunatic behaviour. It's a load bearing caption, yeah, but exactly that this is that's not. Communicated anywhere else in the moon, but it's two years later that that caption is is critical to the decided to go the movie. Right, this is the opposite of a closed caption. How the fuck is he in the river cops? Wasn't the river cops? It's still 1991, right? This is the day after the policeman's ball. You know he's a river cops. Obviously. Side detective.

This is I don't know what's so hard about spy yada speta.

Easy for you to say. Do it, Mike. Say it. Speak after me, spy. Spy yada yada. Speta. Speta see easy. I did. I did the Duolingo noise. Excellent, now I don't have to send the green oil to burn down your house in in in Glasgow.

It was fun. OK, so the movie then I think we've all, it seems like it seems like we've all landed on that particular scene being our favourite scene of the movie unless, unless anyone's got any advances. There are so many great scenes. I really love the scene when when my top size was character just turns up fucking wasted at a crime scene and falls down the hill.

I think my favourite one was one of the many arguments, ones which incidentally greatly chains in with. What's your favourite quote? I think it's when when when Bruce Willis is told to go catch a fish. You alcoholic? Yeah, go catch a fish. It's like he's still a policeman. He works in a different department. I don't, I don't think that's an appropriate way to talk to your employees or your nephew. Yeah, it's just like.

I love how like the role fucking everyone seems to be related. Right. This is also insane what what in the Alabama is happening in film? Why is everyone family? Yeah. Oh my God. Right. Yeah, Because right. So he's cousins. He's cousins with his part, Yeah. He's he is a drunk waster. It's 5:00 PM and he's late, but he's going to show up because if he's a fifth generation policeman and we're all related here. He's good police and a sort of wire. You're all inbred maniacs, clearly. So, yeah, so he's what?

He's cousins with his partner Jimmy Dasilo and Robert Pastorelli. He's cousins, therefore, with Tom Sizemore. He's the nephew of Dennis Rena, the son of John Mahoney. And then they go to the Policeman's Ball in 1993 and a whole of a different family we've never seen before. Go, Tommy, get over here. I was like, this is my cousin fucking Richie. This is my. This is my uncle fucking Timothy. Like, what the fuck? This is everyone's related to and everyone else at the party is like this is my aorta this fucking guy that never him showed up here my aorta and that's another great scene where seismos off his fucking tits as well.

I. Love it. It's great. You know, You know, I love as well, though. It's like when like so the policeman's ball, he's taken, he's taken Sarah Jessica Parker, he's seen Crispin the ball and the guy was like, oh, that's your part, I don't fuck her. And what does he do? But very nice. Yeah, but but it's like it leans too far into the police in the city are all very interrelated, codependent quote unquote scare quotes, incestuous meaning that like obviously there's a strong connections between them and stuff and it makes it look like just like a fucking hobbit's garden party, doesn't it just.

The the police ball is just happening at your mum's. It is it's my mom's garden party, which by the way, this is going to date. The show is like next weekend. Will the oh. For fact's sake, yeah. I mean, you're going to be missing me again. Well, Can you imagine? Just get on a frigate and fly here, man. I'm. Sorry, I was just thinking like, just imagine Dennis Reuna standing up in front of everyone at the Policeman's Ball, like hello Hardy's dotellos. Proud foots, proud feet, police commissioners.

I like. Her. Going to the 11th T first ball,

I know half of you move twice as much as I should like him.

Fucking Gandalf turns up, but he's like, I have a first generation wizard. Hey, who's this guy? Get him out of here. He ain't got a match. The the police commissioner just just going like, I don't know, half of you are half as well as I should like and I like half and half of you as half as you deserve. Everyone's just drunk and confused and he does not while handing out awards for something. It's day in the air better than Christmas. OK, listen up, listen up. I got the award for drunk as cop. It's corner going to Patrick O Murphy son the drunk Irish cop stereotype.

OK, OK, I got I got an award for the most corrupt asshole is going to Jimmy the bitch. Lobelia stole my fucking service weapon again. Fucking hell. Oh my God. There's no like mob corruption, there's no mob connections. There's no like organised crime in this movie as well, which I thought was really surprising. Like when I saw this movie and I was going to watch it, I assumed for more for me that this would be like either like an internal affairs corruption movie like The Departed or something, or like a mob connection kind of standard boilerplate like thing.

And it's actually, it's not again, it's a bit like Magnum Force kind of. And that is like, it's one crazy cop killing other cops and women. Yeah. The. The only internal affairs happening inside the internal investigator. Yeah, Yeah. Here you go. Cancel the game. Because of course, we find out that Joe Chrisman's real name is Emily Harper, and she's a state trooper. So you know, Mr State Trooper? State's got me. If he's a state trooper, where is the sunglasses and a weird fucking hat? She's wearing a.

Sucking hat she does not. She does not look racist enough for a state trooper in that film.

You know what's wild though? All of these cops know each other, right? Like fucking into. They they, they act like there's like 4 of them. Yeah, and and like none of them is like, oh, that's that's that's that's that's that's your partner Hassan Swan. You're working with the staties, you know, like what? Like, you know, the team deal with someone from another agency now it's like I think they would have they would have let the record show I did the kind of hands of the air thing someone would have twigged.

I mean, right, because, like, this is because, because it makes it clear that everyone knows everyone and you know, and yeah. Nobody knows. The model turned actually stereotypical Barker. Yeah, the hot, the hot young blonde cop who's who last week was, let's say a trooper working for internal affairs and this week is somehow on the river. Maybe they just assume that she's like, she's she's also fucked around and found out. And it's it's also been devoted. It's really for a duty. But no, because she was working under a different name, Christmas Song.

Right. That's right. Like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's revealed. If I come in as as Lieutenant Miller tomorrow, no one's going to be knowing it's me. What's the mid name of Kathy Ryan? Let's see, yeah. I am not I am not Sonja Jackson. I am actually ban. You're searched an entirely different man and I've never been here before. But in fairness, I, I've just thought I've taken issue with everyone knowing everyone. But I, I don't know how how you feel about this, Mike, but being in the Navy and having deal with internationals, everyone sort of knows everyone loosely.

Like we both know Colin Barnard. I have met a dozen people who, who, who, who, who know Colin somehow through different postings and other jobs. And I've met my former division CEO twice last month who should be in Norfolk right now, who you've met at the, at the fucking annex in, in Bahrain. Yeah. So, so this place is in fact a very small town, even though we we're both from different navies all together. But so I think the Police Department is probably worse than that. Everyone has seen everyone somewhere at some point, but probably has no real idea who they are and what they actually do.

So I had a friend on my on my mum. Of course, we had one guy from the New Zealand Navy and then I bumped into him in Bahrain like a couple of like about two years ago. Just just randomly. He's like, what the fuck? Like, I don't even know you guys were going this far. I don't know. What the fuck? I've had, three years later, had a guy randomly on the same train as me. It's like, oh, hi, Sarah. I was like, where do I know you from rattling off lists of ships? And it's like, oh. My God, how many of them were?

You. Yeah, you remember that? What the fuck is wrong with you?

It was a weird. Well, I mean, I, I, I think we all know something's not right with most of us in this podcast.

We should just start the podcast with hello fellow artists at this point probably. Yeah, so where were we at on the movie? We'll talk about scenes you've enjoyed now, said. I loved the one when Thomas Sizemore turns up just fuck faced and then that kind of just segued neatly and was talking about the Policeman's ball, which I love how they just like filmed in a park rather than an actual like venue. I found that kind of strange because he wouldn't. I mean, the Policeman's ball is going to be, it's going to kind of like, I mean, what?

What do you mean? What? What isn't? What isn't the whole like tickets, the policeman's ball? A joke about bribing people anyway, right. I'm like the whole policeman's ball. It's like a joke with corruption. Oh, oh, you're under arrest for speeding and, and, and you're drunk as fuck and there's a naked girl in the back of the car and the thing you're transporting her across state lines up. There's 100 bucks tickets to the policeman's ball. Awesome. You may go, Sir. Although. She's she's been on the policeman's ball.

Sounds very fucking wrong. It does, doesn't it? But so there's an actual policeman's ball and it's just in fucking garden somewhere. Why does he only have one that's in a? Park and it's and it's like. What are you doing like?

A grassy hill is probably like the the least ideal place to have a dance off. Yeah, it's. Like dancing is the main thing you're supposed to be apart from drinking at a ball. So like what? What are they doing out there? Yeah, it is a good place to have a fight scene. I like how they said quite a bit of blood when that guy gets punched in the face as well. Yeah, Eddie Elliott, who Wick Wikipedia describes as a loud rude of a zealous detective who despises Tommy. Yeah. He can also be described as being in scumbag mode, because he really is.

He's so funny. So so the the ends part of the movie I suppose is right. The killer now is actively trying to frame Tom Hardy for the murders by having obviously obviously the connection to him is the one thing that's time altogether. So it looks like he's just killing ex girlfriends. The urn kill the female dispatcher from the river rescue and dumpers dump a body like immediately outside of his houseboat. That's right. Oh, by the way, her. Name is giving me JK Rowling levels of writing. Like this chick looks Asian.

We're going to name her Kim Lee. Oh yeah, yeah. It's like, what are you guys doing? You didn't even try. You didn't try. Yeah. Oh, Jesus. Fucking Christ.

I'm not going to a voice. And then so then Tom, there's a bit here which I thought when I first saw it, I was like, oh, this is a bit of interesting production design. So he's trying to rack his brain about who could possibly be and he looks at a picture hanging up inside of his houseboat of a cabin that his dad used to own when they were kids, kind of thing that used to go to for some of the holders. Because he's thinking like, well, right, Where's he taking these girls? He's killing somewhere else.

He's got to take them somewhere where he can dump them. That's near the river wears like that. Oh, the cabin is to spend all my childhood time at. So it zooms in on a photograph of the cabin and it has like, I forgot the name. It says like Vince's cabin or something like that on, on the sign zooms in on that. And then it zooms back out. Like now it flips the colour and it's like a smash cut to the actual location, but it looks patently false because like the sign is in the exact same condition because it was obviously made like a week ago and photographed a week ago and like the and like the intervening 30 years have not taken place.

And I was like, OK, that's. When when you're talking about like kind of storytelling through the photographs in his house. But I thought we're going to mention the fact that the photograph of his ex for some reason is fucking autographed. That's right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Do you not ask Emma to to autograph photos you take off her? Absolutely constantly. I do it just to prove that I've actually got a wife because people are like Rory. You've got a podcast, man. You've got a podcast and you can quote the ship dimensions from warmer 40,000.

How the fuck you married say autograph look. Real, real. She exists. She's just from another podcast from Canada.

I'm in love and you're not. My real wife is really hot. Etcetera. Yeah. My my girlfriend is in a different division. You don't know her. My girlfriend's in the state police. You don't know her. My my my girlfriend is a state trooper from a different state. From a different. State, she's from Nebraska. That's so good. Yeah, that's right. She's she's from Montana. I just wanted to see her.

No, you're absolutely right. He's got a, he's got a, an autograph photograph of his girlfriend, Cheryl Putman. Who, who? Who wouldn't go up to your nurse girlfriend and ask for a autograph?

I mean, it's like, what the fuck? Like a dedication or something. But nobody would write that on the back, wouldn't you? On a smaller picture you could put in your wallet, you wouldn't like frame it and be like, happy birthday darling, it's a signed picture of me and you like.

Yours in Christ. Yeah, Oh my God, Pretty well. He has a big, he has a big cop wall as well of like just all these handy pictures of cops. That's great. That's, that's brilliant because he's like a 97th generation of cop. Like is like, like, like his ancestors like patrol the streets of Byzantium, you know what I mean? My great, great, great great great great great grandfather was a was a Byzantium boat cop. He served on the police galleon Bosphorus. One of his, one of his, one of his ancestors planted weed on Richard the Lionheart when he did a traffic stop.

Well, Mr Mr. King Richard, what do we have here? A little baggy of the good Kush. OK, Mr Mr. King, returning from a business trip to Jerusalem. So how did you cross the Mediterranean exactly? I've got reason to believe that you're Omar Bakshi, leader of leader of Hezbollah. You're under rest. Ace fucking case agents come and take him away. Jesus fucking.

Christ shot him with a crossbow because he thought he was pulling a dagger. Yeah, it's like, and they've got a dagger that can conveniently drop it. It's like body and it's got like and it's got the makers like kind of Hallmark scratched off just the kind of anonymize it, you know? It's just pulling out this little letter of protection from the king role. It's it's got a weapon. It's 50 crossbow bolts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you saw that. You saw that, right? It's coming right for me, you. See, you see, he had a gun.

We all saw that, right? Let's go down in the cop bar. Right, Sir, Put your hands on the head of your horn. Get out of the saddle slowly. Rock your fingers. I can't wear in neutral male fucking gloves. I'm covered in armour my fingers wouldn't unlock. Take off the chest plate.

Fucking like cool cool whole YouTube videos. How to How to How to tell the road warden that you're carrying a concealed crossbow? Hands loosely on his reins, on his horse's head. Like Warden, I have a bollocks dagger in the back of my pants. I am going to remove it slowly using my left hand and immediately gets hit by like 15 potkin point arrows. He's. Resisting fucking hell. This is all getting like. This is what happens the first time we do a fucking cop film. Jesus. This is like all getting related back, back to like an audience of people in an Amphitheatre by like a single actor and a guy with a loop going like bad boys, bad boys.

It's like, oh really, He did. What they gonna do? Concealed weapon. And honourably, the police did slay him.

Vile men, vile men. Pretty. Now, vile men, vile. Men, vile brethren, what will thou do if the Constabulary catches up to the.

Excise men will give you no break. Rude Wardens will give you no break. The witch smiley purse movement will give you no break. The Kingsmen give you no break. Vile names. Vile names with a wrought. Now we should do police films more often. This is fucking hilarious. Speaking of, did you know that that that police is actually related to, to a Latinized Greek term just loose just basically meaning policy and a policy in in German. We had this thing in in the Middle Ages called good police, which was governed policy on public behaviour.

Oh my God. The Wire. Good police. From that we actually get the the, the, the word police now. So nowadays it just means a policeman who goes get bad guys, but he also does drink and fuck people. Yes, obviously. Fuck. Yeah, good police. Amazing. This is brilliant. So Tom Hardy, played by Bruce Willis, makes it gets into this cabin right where he discovers to his horror that Sarah Jessica Parker and Thomas Sizemore have been kidnapped. And he But he finds this out because he gets there and he gets tased by the bad guy.

I should have mentioned the guy. The bad guy loves the Taser and and he wakes up and he's like, oh, but if you're here and I'm here and you're here, then who's the guy Who's all this? And lo and behold, it's the, it's the big reveal that it's his ex partner, Jimmy Dezello, who's loopy and just comes back and does this loopy stuff for the whole rest of the movie. And I love it, bro. Who's the best cop? Who's the best cop now? Who's the best? I'm the best cop now I kill all those women you didn't know.

Now I'm telling you because I'm the best cop. I'm ruining your life from the best cop. You're my own brother. I'm the best cop. He's going to kill his own brother. A cop. The best cop? On what scale? I mean he's certainly the best cop when it comes from surviving massive falls into the river that would kill you, yet also drowning by just sort of giving up being alive. Yeah, he he would have like broken his femurs like at least four Times Now. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, there's that like horrifying thing with that kind of people who like jump off bridges and stuff or sometimes like, like they get like what they're called plugged one leg that like feet and legs get like just driven deep in like the riverbed, like they're still alive.

And imagine just like fucking drowning with your legs broken and you know, your plug, dude. It's terrific. We was talking about at work today. So what? Yeah, we're talking about your work meetings. Differential very much from ours. Yeah, so, so there's a there's a big waterfall at the top end of Lot Lomond and it's really sad story. It's a really sad story. But like by a long, a long time ago. It's somewhere near Duck Bay. And one guy jumped off it, hit the bottom and got plugged underneath. But he also banged his head in the way down.

Took 12 hours before they recovered his body. Really sad story. But but that just started a cascade of like other grim stories of like that that that thing that were going on all this is like about 6:30 this morning, like just right into it. Like I work a bit, but course 5 driven to work. And then, Mary, am I drinking my coffee? I'll be talking about like the most horrible imaginable death you can imagine. But yeah, plugging was one of them. So someone jumping off a Cliff into the organ, just as you described, because it was like a sandy bottom and the wall and the wall wasn't deep enough.

They hit the bottom, their feet went in, drove in, and then they're stuck there, unable to pull themselves at the mud, and then they drown. And that's really grim. I am definitely going to be thinking about this the next time I am at Loch Lomond. Yeah, man. Yeah. Think about it. All the next time you get intrusive thoughts while on a bridge. Yeah. Oh yeah, we've all done that, Yeah. Who hasn't? Sudden the bridge bringing the ship and thought I could just jump off now and see what happens. I've never done it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough. It happens a bit of a light. I I I keep wondering how far backwards towards the bridge you could theoretically rotate the turret? Oh yeah, there'll, there'll be a, there'll be a stop on that. It would mechanically. Fun fact, yes there is one. I know one story that failed. Oh my God. Not ship sent a training round through its bridge wing. Yeah, there's no such. I mean, there's obviously a training round, but but. Yeah, I would not. Want training practise? Tracer is still something that would kill you orally, yeah.

I would not want to be the gunnery officer having to explain that to the CEO afterwards like no thank you. What do you mean you shut your own bridge? Thank you. I think the sounds of the round going would be enough to be like that. Wasn't going to. Happen. Yeah, right. Just like rotating the turret to point it directly in the bridge and shouting who's the best officer, who's the best sailor, who's the best sailor? My navigational qualifications. So this scene is nuts. Zoo. He's basically doing that.

Who who's the best cop? Who's the best cop? And then Dennis Farina comes in, his dad and his dad and who we fought the entire time as an asshole kind of sees. And maybe it's only because his other son is there. It held a good point as well. Maybe. But he pulls a gun and he and he shoots Jimmy and you think, oh, that's it. Jimmy's been shot. He's on the floor. He delivers a hilarious line, I'm going to say for best quote, but brilliant. All his lines should be in best quote. But yeah, police survives.

And then I don't know why they didn't do this earlier, but now being tied to a chair isn't a problem anymore. And both everybody gets up and starts flashing themselves around and and Bruce Willis gets free. He's still got the handcuffs on. But the police have all come. They've rid of the place that the word got out somehow. So all the PDPPPD all arrives and they're trying to catch the guy, but Jimmy gets away. He's on a boat. He zooms away. Tom gets onto the river rescue crafts. He's still got the handcuffs on and he's trying to get Timothy Busfield to take them off and he's going to, but he's taken too long.

So he's like, oh, fuck this. So he he does that thing again, wangs on the the, the, the, the, the, the leavers ahead and knocks Timothy Busfield off the back of the boat for the second time of the movie. That's a good call back. I like that one. And then that's a call back to my comment about callbacks earlier. And then there's a boat chase, which the movie tries really hard to look to make look exciting, but it kind of, it's kind of just a boat chase. It's like it's it's two cars travelling at 20 miles an hour, but they're on the water instead.

So actually coming up to that scene, you've skipped one part. Oh yeah, go ahead. The the bit where Bruce Willis jumps out of the window and is being followed by the killer and he's been shot at while underwater. And Rory, I would like your opinion on the water penetrating kinetic capacities of soft point bullets. It's I mean. Because from what I've seen even 50 car goes Nope I'm not doing this after like half of them. Like it's not super believable, I guess, is it? And it's but it's wild. It's again, it's the case of, I guess the case of people in this film are really good shots when they have to be and really bad shots when they have to be as well.

It's great. I love it. That's very good. It's a lot like that, Yeah. I like that bit where it just keeps shooting the water and then just suddenly starts shooting the words he's standing on because he thinks he might be under there. And then he picks the exact right spot to miss Bruce Willis by like 5 centimetres. That's just not. That's a weird choice again. The ability of people in this film to be vastly good at shooting the lead being bad at shooting the lead base. Great. Say, kid, Imagine if that happened in The Untouchables and that one particular scene in the gunfight on the stairs at the station when there's that one lad on the team who was a really good shot and like Elliot Ness is like, you got him.

So yeah, it's like take him. But instead of Doorman, that guy, he like just he like just misses wildly and like shoots that kid that was in the baby Tara. Just. I guess it's the point of the film, but I have a terrible fucking shot. If he puts his diaper, you put one of his on the bog. If he gets colicky, you put two of us teddy bears in the oven. That's the Chicago way are.

You serious about get him, Capone?

That's the Chicago way we shoot our children here. Makes them tougher. Chicago Baby. Yeah I am. I am going to. This is part of my specialised training as a warfare officer. I am going to start to build a immunity against anti ship ballistic missiles. I've started building this by repeatedly shooting myself with small calibre rounds. I've now worked myself up to 9 millimetre. Next I will be evolving from handguns to rifles. What? I'm done with rivals, I will evolve to tower it and then small missiles.

What? They do if Micro disc himself to build by tolerance to C802's. You know something else that has just struck me again while it's running in the background? Why does this guy show up in his fucking dress uniform? Because he loves it. He loves it. He's the best cop. He's the best cop. He's the most. He's the most. Smartly turned up cop. Yeah, and he was. And he wants everybody to be. The policeman's poor. Right, but, but, but like where does? Where did you get that from? He is a cop. He has. He is a cop.

He's yeah. If that works like the military, he's probably got like one of those. And he used like to jump into the fucking filthy river and he's probably been ruined. So this man went out of his way to get a new pristine dress uniform. Yeah, maybe. But do you? Do you? Do you get in your number once when you're upset with someone at work? Well, I'm normally officer of the day when I'm remember 1, so I probably am upset with somebody. It's fair enough. Oh God, they're going to do that to me next month.

You know what though, is it? Is it actually some kind of a police dress uniform that as well? Or was it just like a very like formal like night these kind of like police uniform? Because I mean, there was a time when American police didn't look like they're about, you know, go go in the battle against aliens on LV46. I mean, at one point they were just quite like formally, formally dressed people with a dress code that was a little bit Central European circa 1939 ish, you know, you. Fair enough, but I'm assuming it's the dress uniform because Bruce Willis is running around in polos all day so they have some some and there's other boat cops who've got stripes on their arms like they were naval dress uniforms.

They they do have a difference between a dress rig and a formal uniform. Well, Bruce Willis is dressed like that because he's a rat on the river where he belongs. But but you guys seen the pictures of the New York like waste disposal sewage guys who when they get really senior. Get dressed up as generals. Yeah, so when they get really senior, the way these are green uniforms with the the, the piping and the the Laurel leaves and the medals, everything. It's cool. There's like a waste management dudes with like the proper trust uniforms and shit.

It's mint. Those guys rule. And like the like the these like chest falls of metal. There's like metals that are related to the service on dying level and stuff. What absolute fucking charts, you know, Yeah. That's awesome. I love those dudes. Yeah, yeah, I want, I want to have loud beers with those guys been. Watching guys, I've been watching a lot of Chicago Fire on on TV at the moment. Me and me and Felicia are going through the whole series and eventually we're going to end up going up to Chicago PD and Chicago Med maybe.

But fucking love those guys. You know, there's a reason why. And we didn't have a song called Fuck the Fire Department, you know.

But anyway, where we're at is we Jimmy Tutelo and Tom Hardy are having a boat chase. They do a big jump off like a Weir kind of damn looking thing. Bit of bit of bit of bit of hard engineering flood control stuff perhaps, Maybe water power, who knows. And they have a fight in the water. Did anyone notice at this point? It took me watching a YouTube video about it actually, which I might put in the show notes to describe it. But during that fight scene, this must be part of like the the LA reshoots later, because during this time Bruce Willis was also filming Pulp Fiction.

And for that movie, he has a shaved head as he plays Butch the boxer. And in this he obviously has that kind of Frasier circa season 1 kind of hairdo. And during during this fight, like one of the hair pieces got on for that comes clean off. So he's in the water having a fist fight with with Jimmy Tasillo. And he has like a bald head at one point, which I had only caught on a on a rewatch. And then and then have the big final competic fight. Oh, I've missed a cool bit where they're on like a rail bridge and having a fight in front of a train as well.

Oh, Jesus, right, right. This entire 15 minutes. It should be like a whole blow by blow kind of thing. So like, it's insane. So they start in the house, they get on a boat, they have a boot chase. He pops up his boat Jimmy on like a bank. They run up onto like a rail bridge. They're having a fight on the rail bridge and it looks like they've tussles. It looks like a bit like in a matrix. It looks like Bruce Willis is like lobbed the guy in front of a train that's approaching. So you think, oh, he's been hit by that train because it cuts away at the official moment.

Like you think, oh, that's him done. And then the train clears And then you see like a big this is like Jelly was fucked big shot of like Jimmy running towards the camera like, yeah, that's cool as fuck. And then he grabs them. They have a bit of a tussle on the side of the bridge. They booth into the into the river again and then they're fighting in the river and that's when Bruce Willis wig comes off big tussle. And then again you see a shot of like Jimmy like drowning. You see like the bubbles coming out of his face.

He's like sinking down. You think, all right, OK, that's another death. He's definitely dead this time. That's we've already had one fake out. He's got to be dead this time. And again, he just comes back. That's brilliant. That's class. And he comes back and he's got the Taser, which is like a signature weapon. And then you get this really gory bit where, oh, yeah, where Tom Hardy is like, I'm the best cop. And then he shoves the, he shoves the Taser into his mouth. He sees horrible bit of like, and everyone's like, Oh my feelings.

Oh my God, that'd be horrible.

And then that. Kills him. Imagine being killed. It's horrible to use a Taser on someone while you're in the water with them. Risky. I don't even. I don't even know if that would work. Also this is very autistic but I take issue with the train scene go on like fighting in front of oncoming trains is like a thing that happens every now and then in action movies which is fine. What Panther The Matrix? Right.

You know, you'd think the driver would hit the fucking brakes or something, but not once and once again, never Do you hear the train stop? I was just right. There's these guys trying to kill each other in front of me. I'm just going to honk at them and keep driving no matter what.

Oh yes, there's only got anyone got some popcorn? This is going to make for some exceptional rec room talk when I get. Back. Pittsburgh's built different man. I'm driving a train here, man Galloway.

He's on. He's on a very strict schedule. So I do not have time for this today. Yeah, it's like I know that day with a bold cop and a fucking supernaturally fucking bounce backable gaol killer fighting in front of my train. Fuck it, throttle forward, eyes closed. I have got grains to deliver my man Donuts. Yeah, it's like baby, this night, trains not stopping for anybody. I don't care for the best cop. I don't care if you're the best cop, personally, I am the best train driver and this train does not stop.

Again, N.W.A never did a song called Fuck the Train Drivers so. The trains made for driving. Yes. It's going to drive all up for you. So this is dude is dead. I think we can reasonably say that Tom Hardy has gone beyond the excessive force required to subdue this particular person, but nevertheless, he gets reinstated as a as a detective. He meets up with Emily. Now, is her actual name Emily? Yeah. And she also happens to have a four year old daughter that she mentioned right after they had sex.

So. That's an odd thing to do anyway. So the three, yes, so the three of them, I know it's like Jesus Christ, she's like, I know this isn't serious or anything, but just so you know, I've got an ex-husband and a four year old daughter. Anyway, do you want to do it again? So. So how are you Want kids? I don't know if you know this about me, but I live in a houseboat, so clearly I'm a fucked boy.

What the fuck? Anyway, the three of them go and visit John Mahoney's grave, Vince Hardy. And then he just says to the grave. He goes to there, he looks at the ref and goes grandkids. And then that's the movie. That's the last thing you hear in the movie grandkids like that's it because it's the one thing he's dad really wanted to have his grandkids, but he's not. So he's not the stepdad. He's the dad who stepped up but to this kid. And that's that's the end of the movie. So the moral of the movie is it's OK to kill your best friend and partner if he's a bit crazy.

If he's a bit crazy, yeah. But my, my, my take away from this is that so at the start of the movie, all the cops hated him because he he ride on his partner. At the end of the movie, all the cops probably still hit him because he's shagging someone from internal affairs. Should we should we do some categories? Should we take a little break and then do some categories? Yeah. Yeah, take a little break. I'll play some Jello influenced music and then we'll go into go into some categories.

OK, welcome back. Just do some categories. The first one is casting black guys and that ladies. So there's not too much information about this, but one interesting thing I did find was that the Tom Hardy role was originally written for Ed Harris and then rewritten for Robert De Niro, which would be really cool, and then finally rewritten for a third time when Bruce Willis was cast in the role. But I love the idea of a Robert De Niro version of this movie. Yeah, yeah. I blew it. I was a proper homicide cop and now I'm a bull cop and I blew it.

Just Copland, Drew. Yeah, well, yeah, absolutely. De Niro would have been so fucking good in this film. Man, weird though, like all the humour would have been like so different, like good of hit, like that weird register that he has when he does comedy, like just general facts. And about the casting. If we've got John Mahoney, I've mentioned a couple of times was in this and the movie in the Line of Fire with Clint Eastwood the same year, and it's also the year that he started in Fraser as well.

Bob the Cat played himself gets his own credit. Ryan James we've talked about already Leon and Blade Runner and the fifth film. And so if you bust Fields, I don't know if he's maybe like a that guy or not, but he's the cynical brother-in-law to Kevin Costner in Field of Dreams. He keeps trying to tell him to sell the like, plough over the the diamond and make it back into farmland again. Yeah. And he's also plays Danny Kincannon in The West Wing, who's the reporter who has the thing for CJ Craig.

And crucially, he's Poindexter in Revenge of the Nerds. Oh my God, holy fucked mad I think. I think. I think John Mahoney is just an all timer as like trustworthy cop right? I mean. Does he play a bent cop in Is it primal fear? Is he a bent cop in that there's something where he's a bit sinister? Holy shit I might fucked up here John. No, but he's really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the line of fireplace. Secret Service Director Sam Campania. Striking distance symbiote Captain Vince Hardy, Primal Fear.

John Shaughnessy. Yeah, I think he's, I think he's sinister in that I think we remember he's in something called The Russia House with Sean Connery in 1990, which is almost certainly going to be on this list for our movies. He's the state's attorney. He's the state's attorney in primal fear. Yeah, he's very good at some kind of law adjacent guy. Although although he was revealed as a as as as a dirty cop in Fraser, wasn't he the episode when he's like, and yes, I lied. I said I'd read him his rights.

Yeah, man, Big one Marty. Marty Crane broke my heart. Let us down, man. Let us. Down. It's not so black and white out there on the main streets though. Dude, and on the main streets of Seattle, it's really not the black and. White 1. I mean, if John Mahoney, if John Mahoney is in a situation where he has to do that, then maybe that's all right. If it was someone like, I don't know, Jake Gyllenhaal and watch, I'm not into that. That's bad. He should have his body hang on and he should be doing his job properly.

But John Maroney, on the other hand, is such an adorable, great old man. Maybe he's all right. John Mahoney's character, if he was still in service, he would have he would have been an early adopter of body cams. Like I actually want two of them to make sure my arrests perfect.

Final casting bit Roscoe Orman. There's a character called Sid. I couldn't figure out where he was in this movie. Oh no, sorry. It's his boss at the at the River patrol guy. Right. Yeah, that guy, Roscoe Orman, Sid, he's Gordon in Sesame Street. Look, yeah, that's wild. That's amazing. Yeah. I didn't picture it first. And then I then I looked it up and I was like that guy. Yeah. Oh. Shit, that's a true that guy. That's amazing. Yeah, so that's a good bit of casting quotes, right? This movie is eminently quotable.

So quotes of the movie. OK, I've got a million. Let's let's just let's just get into them. What? What are yours? Go catch a fish. Go catch a fish. So, Tom Sizemore, I do not tangle with lizards no more? No. Back in the day, sure I would have indulged. How I would have let you turn me into fish cheese. I would have let you make me make me into a mailbox just to open the slot and put whatever you want inside. That's a line from Tom Sizemore's appearance saying it's all of a sunny in Philadelphia. But it always appears in my head whenever I say Tom Sizemore in anything because it's one of the funniest things that human beings ever said.

Not no more. I got a wife now, so I will not suck you and I will not be sucked on by you. OK, that's it. So yeah, basically that that that pops in my head whenever I see Tom Sizemore perform. I think he's brilliant. One of my favourite quotes is the whole there's no old Italian saying, says the tiller never scald your tongue in another man's soup. Tom Hardy's response, Yeah, there's no Irish saying. Don't listen to old Italian sayings. So fucking police. I love it. And just died. Atillo's explanation to how California was Yes, Simpsons are on an hour earlier, yeah.

That's so good. So like Deadpool when he says it as well. Yeah, I've said by a favourite, Dennis Rudo on where they've made the barricade at the opening. It's like, is this the policeman's ball? So funny. And then my favourite Jimmy Tazzillo 1 is when he's just been shot in the chest by his own father. He's lying on the floor bling and he goes, You shot your own son. There goes the gold watch and. And and and and. It's like bulletproof. All the proof vest I'm the best cop. I'm wearing a bulletproof vest.

I'm. The best cop, it's like, it's amazing. It's so good, man. Yeah, but I prove vest I'm the best cop. It's like, oh, no reverse card. So when when Tom Hardy says to Crispin, I've never had a female partner in Crispin response, neither have I, which is her saying I'm attracted to men and available for the ride. Almost everything that detail the killer says is just quotable. When he's shrieking about how his mom went in the river too, Mom went in the river too, and all that. And it's like, that's something that feels like there was a subplot that was cut out of the film, right?

Yeah, it's implied that maybe, maybe his dad or maybe him when he was a child and he was like mentally disturbed, maybe he's responsible for his mum's death or something like that, but it's just not in there at all. I think it's like Dennis Farino's character comes off as able to redeem himself at the end of the film despite being a bit corrupt. And I think if the fully leaned and what's kind of inferred that to me, it kind of suggests that it was hinting that Dennis Farino's character killed his own wife.

I think if if they'd made more of that as redemption wouldn't have mattered and wouldn't have been their successful real redemption, would it? Because I mean, he still sucks ass as a person. Doesn't sit right that they'd be like, shaking hands at the end of the movie kind of thing. Like welcome back on the job kind of thing. Yeah, it'd be like, you'd be like, you'd have to, you'd have to like die nobly and then get the fuck out of here. Yeah, basically most of the shit that Tom Sizemore comes out with.

That's gold. He's like, he's like falling down the hill. He's like we're going to dinner tonight. What do you like? You want meatballs? Like meatballs? I'm inviting. I'm inviting Tommy to dinner tonight. What are you talking about? I'm inviting Tommy to dinner. It's like he's like, fuck off, child. Wait in the car like there is. Actually you've hit something there because there is this like kind of like, I guess like a kind of late 124 theme of childishness being child, like the women are being killed at the the the kind of shack that they hung out as children.

The whole who's the best cop? Who's the best cop things quite it's quite infantile. And yeah, they've got yeah, toy cop cars quite infantile again. And these are the weird, kind of the weird off hill, shallow aspects of it. Like there's a trio of men in this who are kind of in various stages of permanent fucking childhood. Bruce Willis's character gets away with shit nobody else would, as if he's like some kind of a favourite son. TomTom Sizemore's character is obviously really immature, probably because he's fucking wasted the whole time.

And of course, you know, the teller, the killer is, well, he's, he's, he's the guy shrieking about being the best cop. He's the guy with a toy car. He's, he's truly the most childish of them. And that's one of the things that really makes this film, I think kind of pop a little bit and really shine that it's got these kind of almost highbrow kind of themes in it and just surrounded by the most fucking lowbrow shit. And that's jello, baby. That's Jello. That which takes us nicely onto the needle drops.

Yes. 3 identifiable needle drops in this movie, at least so I've I've highlighted. So number one, it's got to be the Little Red Riding Hood song by Ronald Blackwell that keeps playing every time the killer does a killing. It's played like diegetically in the scenes. He puts it on on like a cassette tape player or something. And he's listening to it when he's driving the car as well. And he's he keeps slinging it down the phone to Bruce Willis. It's a cool little number, soubly eerie and a bit weird.

It's awesome. There's a couple of other tracks on the on the movie as well. There's one called Feel Like a Number by Bob Seger, which found a kind of 80s power. What kind of thing going on there? There's Bob Seger in it. He's a He's a working nice alternative to Bruce Springsteen, isn't? He It's like the Poundland version of Bruce Springsteen, world version of Bruce Place team. And there's another one, which is called walk right now by two die four. That's the numeral 2, the numeral 4. IMDb trivia.

Yes, trivia. OK, right guys. So here's my my IMDb research on this movie. There's quite a lot of talk on there about the the sort of triple production of the movie, but there's a few funny bits hidden amongst all that. So one just general trivia. You can track who the killer is pretty early by watching out for all the leather gloves when you see him in the opening titles. So you can tell pretty much straight away that you see the gloves at the beginning. You see the gloves driving the car during the chase scene.

You also see Robert Pastorelli. He's pretty much wearing the gloves like 99% of the time. So there's a scene where you see him like obviously when he's about to jump and stuff, I'm not sure he has them on there, but he has them on over bits so we can see him. The funny thing about this though is that Robert Pastorelli, who played Jimmy Dasilo, also blurred out the big twist that he was the killer and he was still alive while he was on Late Night with David Letterman about 3 or 4 weeks before the movie came out.

That's amazing. So. Just just absolutely ruined it for everybody, which is pretty bad because the movie The movie cost 30 million to make right and had a box off of 77 million. So if you add on like, you know, doubling the money for the marketing budget, it pretty much struggled to kind of break even. So it was it was seen as a bit of a bit of a flop at a time when Bruce Willis was like, you know, pretty hot shit. I mentioned this already, but the I think the movie takes place in Pittsburgh and is the director and screenwriter Rowdy Harrington's place of birth.

Also pretty cool. The trailer is voiced by Howard Douglas, which is something we haven't mentioned yet, But Howard Douglas is a voice actor who voice about a zillion trailers and did most of the trailers for the movies that we've been talking about on this podcast. So he's like your typical like in the world kind of guy. And there's a working working in progress list on IMDb of all the trailers he did up to his death in 2014. It includes like most movies you can think of. It's like the rock, the the fly, war world, Forrest Gump, Jumanji, Crimson Tide, last Boy Scout, die hard, die hard two, die over the vengeance Dune, like Roadhouse, like any any any movie you can think of.

It's it's this guy. It's incredible. So some we should look out for. Final bit of trivia I've got is I fell into a bit of a bit of a Wikipedia rabbit hole looking into the life of Tom Sizemore. Because obviously he had a troubled existence on this earth with a whole bunch of stuff going on, substance misuse, more than one occasion where he's told some pretty tall tales and there's nothing to substantiate it. Just stuff like that. Which is a real shame because he had a really promising career, did like a bunch of really good movies on a bounce, took a few years off, was in rehab, came back, still kept acting.

Notably, I think for most people, Saving Private Ryan, this point break. Yeah, exactly. It's always sunny in Philadelphia. Indeed, Yeah, yeah. So, so, yeah, loads of good stuff like that. So it's a bit of a bit of a tragedy. It's also obviously very tragic for the people that in his life, through his disease of addiction, alcoholism or whatever, also hurt, you know, so I'm not making light of that at all. 11 weird thing I did find, though, 22 weird things. One, one of his sort of weird claims was that his ex-girlfriend Liz Hurley had had sex with Bill Clinton.

I don't, I don't know if that was like, I don't know if that was like a bit of information that anybody asked for or the context about where that came from. But. But yeah, everybody involved that has denied it. So yeah, where's the Clinton Little early files? Why won't they release the Clinton Little Early files? It's just like a really weird sort of cock like flex like I've been in the same body of former president has. Yeah, you know. What I'm going to say, though, I can just imagine him kind of like falling down a hill and saying, hey, my ex-girlfriend, fuck the president, you know?

Or like turning up drunk at the policeman's ball and go on. My ex-girlfriend fucked Bill Clinton. I live in Christmas. Favourite TV? Yeah. Another Christmas. You want to see the pictures of me holding Bill Clinton's hips? He was tired. And the second thing that I looked up was, and I don't think it's going to help, is as I mentioned, he had some substances issues and drug addictions and so on in the past. And part of that process is expecting to deliver urine samples for drugs testing when requested by, you know, various people involved in his work and maybe the police aren't sure.

One such occasion, he was caught trying to fake a urine sample by using a device called a Whizzinator, which then, which, which then makes me, which then made me look up so that I had to fall into the the obvious thing then was what's why? What's a wet, What's a whizzinator? So I looked, I looked at that and from the Wikipedia, the original Whizzinator is a product advertised as a wet sex simulator intended to promote simulated male urination as a safer alternative to using real urine for sexual fetish activity.

But most consumers purchase the device to fraudulently defeat drug tests. So I'm sure Sonia, you are you, you have been drug tested as I have been at work. And what they do is like for us, I go a bunch of people called like the CDT team. It's a small team of people come to like a unit and they basically say we're going to test like 50 percent, 75% a 100% of all the all the people here. And then what they do is they set up like some desks. They get all the little cups and everything out filling all the forms and that, But then they canvas.

They're kind of like get quote unquote scare quotes volunteers from from the unit. They're like century the people giving the samples. So you go off, you get given your little cup, you go off to the the heads and then someone you know, probably subordinate to you in rank stands over you and watches you piss into a cup. So, so that was happening to Thomas Sizemore, but he used this device. And as you can imagine, I looked it up. I saw a picture of it. And it is just basically like a pair of like, underpants with like a fake flaccid penis with a foreskin dangling, dangling out of them and like a pump contraction to like where you'd pour in the mixture to make your false urine.

So you must have been stood there, like pumping away with one hand, like into this thing. Like, it's like, why? Why is the P coming out in like little pumps? Like, what's going on? Yeah. Funnily enough actually I've been wondering about this for a while now since they've legalised smoking weed for like the broader populace here. It's not like for for police and the military, but I've actually never been actively drug tested. What have you? How many years have you been in now? It's like almost 4 now.

Have you not good drug? Testing for So I've got to do an annual fitness evaluation that involves urine analysts. A little fucking horrible word. So they take my piss and have a look at it. But I mean, if I was smoking pot the entire time, that would obviously show up during that time. But I've never been actively drug tested. So our guys just sort of descend on like training establishments normally, or the ship's going into like a foreign run ashore somewhere where like, you know, there's a risk that the ship's company might have fun.

They'll like descend there as well normally, like normally it's got hot sunny places that are like the best places to go to. So like I had it happen once to us when we arrived in, I want to say Ponce Delgada, where they just like the next day, boom, CDC arrives, right guys? Everyone went out last night. Obviously like, well, it's designed to catch all people who go and like do recreation cocaine as soon as they're like free from the ship for a split second, obviously. So it's like funnily enough, whenever them peace show up here it is because people are doing cocaine and but we didn't do drug tests at the same time.

So I am wondering how do they know? Is half of us just constantly snitching on the other because we didn't. I've never been selected for drug tests. I've never heard of anyone being selected for drug tests. I don't know anyone who's been drug tested. So we. Do quite a lot. I've done it about probably 6 or 7 times over the last of my career and I've been in for 11 years now, so. And there's so weird to me because I've like I've heard shout out to the American followers of the of the podcast. I've heard of like civilian employers doing it to their employees.

And like, yeah, and I have access to like weapons, I have access to guns, I have access to anti ship weapons. I could if I press the one, this is a bit over dramatic but if I press the wrong button and the wrong time I might actually start a war. But I've never been drug tested my years of service and there's like people out there getting pissed scream for like working at the supermarket out there. It seems a bit weird to me. Would you like? Would you guys like to hear the end of the Wizarding story?

I am not getting pictures out of my mind any thank you for that. It's just it's like half an hour. Every time is a picture of a different plastic penis. So. In a simpler time, cast your mind back to the George W Bush administration. In 2005, the US Congress held hearings on the resonator to to to discuss discuss its impacts culturally to the American mindset. Now this also thinks it ties in with another great Pittsburgh fact. So this is a real Pittsburgh episode. In 2006, a Pittsburgh area woman and her friend were charged with disorderly conduct and criminal mischief after they asked a convenience store clerk to microwave one of the devices so the woman could pass a drug test.

The clerk thinking it was a real penis for the police. The mischief The mischief charge was then dropped after the friend agreed to replace the oven because OSHA regulations didn't allow an oven to be used when bugling foods are placed in it. So this then suggests that the man did oblige by microwaving it and then called the police. I was going to say, what does this guy? You won't believe what I've just done. Yeah, sure, I'm. Going to microwave your penis. I'm going to call the cops about it though.

Wouldn't that be like an offence in itself if it was like a disembodied penis? Wouldn't like abuse of a corpse or something like that. Yeah, especially if it if it was like did it uncoerced, It doesn't feel like just just like agreed to to microwave what he assumed to be an actual penis. Horrible that. But if if you microwave a penis and you you think if it's you think it's a real penis, can't you be charged with dismemberment? Germans talking about cooking penises. Nine. I'm going. To I'm going to I'm going to keep down, I'm going to keep down the story because I get I get the same wizard a few more times.

So under the heading federal fraud case on October 14th, 2008, United States District Court for the Western District of Pennsylvania. So yeah, they're still in that area. Won a 19 count invitement against Puck Technology, maker of the Wizard ASA, and its owners for fraud and selling drug paraphernalia. Prosecutors allege that by manufacturing and selling there was a technology company. President Gerald Wills and Vice President Robert Catalano conspired to defraud the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, which administers federal workplace drug testing programmes.

So the government sought to forfeit all of its companies assets, including its Internet demand names. So basically because they sell, someone can get you out of drugs tests. The people who are responsible the federal body responsible for drugs tests were like you're trying to defraud the government. So on November 24th of 20,008 put technology, Wills and Catalano pleaded guilty in a Pittsburgh federal court to one kind of conspiracy to defraud the government and one kind of conspiracy to sell drug paraphernalia.

Wills and Catalano were scheduled to be sentenced in February 2009. They faced up to 8 years in prison and an $800,000 fine. In the end, Wills, who's the president, was sentenced to six months in prison and Catano was sentenced to three years of probation. But obviously they lost the money, they lost the business and everything else. So not such a harmless device. The old was an AM. Not such a harmless device at all. And probably not. It's what happened if Tom Sizemore hadn't been caught trying to use one.

So there you go. Incredible. Anyway, that was trivia. This is the point. The point. Plus now where I ask Sonia, how would this shit have gone down in Germany or in the Elbe? Obviously by your native Hamburg, Not the Wizard of stuff, the movie. How would the movie have gone down in? German German standpoint on plastic penises. It's the following here. It's going to be a 2 point S Sigmund Freud once said no anyway, so in Hamburg, how is this good question. So that you you've asked me this earlier and there's a bunch of different agencies and police agencies where I'm at right now supervising anything that happens basically on the river.

Given that Hamburg is one of the main German seaports, we've got a large Port Authority, is sort of acting as a government branch, but it's also part of a privatised company owned by the city state of Hamburg, which is which has legal responsibility over anything happening in the port. But there's also several branches of police working here. We've got customs, which is its own police force, part of, well, the financial State Department. We've got the regional police, which will have its own branch working on the river.

We're probably going to have federal police as well since it's it's a waterway and international seaport.

Any of those bodies? Do you think Bruce Willis as a fuck up homicide detective that everybody hates would would thrive being a little maverick pushing his pushing his oppo off off off his boat in the morning? So the bodies, I think the the bodies would. So it depends on who they're being found by. Oh no, sorry, I meant like government bodies that. You right so they would all be involved and then they would have to haggle about it was to clear that up. So I would probably given my involvement with the Port Authority and the harbour masa probably end up in a meeting where someone's showing me a photograph.

Look, we found a course this morning again on such and such river part because there's this this one part of of the river where like dead people keep washing up. Because at the lower tide, you can just measure the sort of dam in in in the middle of the river that separates like the fairway from the shadow apart and dead people keep showing up there for some reason.

So I would probably initially just get a weird WhatsApp message, like we found another dead body with a weird picture on it or something. I think then would fall like to to like regional police or depending on who. Regional police would probably try to identify that body and depending on who who the body is, it would then fall to a different department. I don't think Hamburg's local police is quite incestuous. As. Fairly in that film. Yeah. It's it's like I've dealt with like two or three local police officers in a professional capacity and they don't seem as, as inbred as, as the police in that film are made out to be.

So they didn't immediately identify themselves as each other's cousins when they spoke to you? No, Jimmy. Yeah, no, Jimmy. No, they did not. When when I had to work with these guys, they all seemed fairly professional. So, so they I have some hope that it wouldn't result like in what is essentially a family shoot off.

What do you go against Cops getting the job done, Tonya? You're talking like some internal affairs puke here, Sonya. Well, to, to, to quote, well, I mean, if, if we go that road to quote my former CEO to my current CEO, you've got to be careful with that one. He will report anything. Oh.

Apparently I have. I have. Within the last six months I have developed the long standing habit of court martialing anyone. Apparently, allegedly. I don't think really. Sorry, Your your name is like Jimmy the Rat. This is Give me a Rat. This is Jimmy the Rat. You can't trust them. Oh, your partner's Jimmy the Rat. There. You better wear a bulletproof vest on your ass.

But also, if this went down in Germany, there would be a lot less shooting. And certainly not with flagons. Possibly with, especially if it's customs. Customs gets more access to firearms than I do, which is like weird. I don't know why or how, but just don't fuck with anything that involves taxes. I guess we'll take that very seriously. All right, let's roll in a note from the peanut gallery. Now this film has some absolutely excellent discourse from cinema notes on the excellent website known as Letterbox, the website that generates a significant amount of user content for us.

Thank you so much Letterbox for making my job easier finding funny things to talk about on the Internet. I love Bruce Willis shooting his gun face that he makes in every movie where he's shooting his gun. Pittsburgh Jello. Best city in the fucking world. Number one baby. I take my jello with fries on the sandwich Jag off. Nobody does it better. Yinza Pride 3 1/2 stars. If I delivered that in a Pittsburgh accent may have been funnier. This is a good movie to nap to. I unfortunately didn't take my own advice as someone who gave it one star between this.

Between this and Die Hard three, Alcoholic Bruce Willis is my spirit. Is my spirit animal. Hashtag sex cures alcoholism. Someone puts a quote in here. Get in your little fucking boat and get out of here. Go catch a fish. It seems like a lot of Pittsburgh cops do not respect any of the Three Rivers. Robert Pastorelli. Absolutely maniacal in this while I think about him like doing this between episodes of Murphy Brown. Someone who has a cat as their profile picture says did they have sex in front of the cat?

2 crying emojis. Yes they did. Wow, this film is fucking stinking. Says someone giving up one star. There's an old Irish saying don't listen to old Italian sings. Three stars watching in honour of one year ago. What? I watched striking distance five times in 48 hours, says Connie, giving the film two stars. A 3 1/2 star here. America's Finest City has never looked more beautiful. A classic Pittsburgh jello, gorgeously filmed, extremely stupid, misogynistic, starring Bruce Willis is the most He just like me for real for real protagonist of all time.

Brackets. Gin soak loser horn dog blasting cigs blasting cigs. Do it for America. Blasting cigs on a sick ass houseboat. Close brackets and featuring an unceasing procession of our finest leathery character mugs brackets TomTom Atkins, Andrea brauer, Dennis in a close brackets unfortunately peaks earlier the wild, geographically incoherent multi car chase. But the rest of the movie is not without its charms. Italian Irish into ethnic conflict. Sarah Jessica Parker suffering from a severe case of Pittsburgh goggles and falling in love for the most alcoholic cop.

The most alcoholic cop of all time. Tom Sizemore. Exclamation marks. We bombed around tonight. So whatever happens to this dog shit dumb fuck Nazi country is more deserved, but I do selfishly hope the pride of the Allegheny emerges unscathed. 1 1/2 stars. I once saw kid, after being worn by his parents, grandparents, friends, parents and friends themselves not to grab an electric fence, grabbed the electric fence and then grew apoplectic when it shocked the living hell out of them. I once went to a high school talent show where a band finished their set with a very bad cover of Snozik Teen Spirit and the guitar player smashed his Strat on the gymnasium floor, leaving a sizable gash in the wooden floorboards and then tried to light the pieces on fire, resulting in and being detained by the police and expelled.

I once played a show at a Fish Camp. A guy walked up to the edge of the flatbed trailer serving as a stage. Chugs Do It for America, choked an entire bottle of Doctor Mcgillicuddy's medfoldment schnapps, repeatedly called everyone in the crowd the N word, and then a projectile vomited on our monitors before passing out underneath the trailer. So striking distance isn't the stupidest thing I've ever seen, but it's close and just one thing that I I don't even need to just do the full review, but a terrific dipshit thriller that seems to exist outside of any recognisable reality or psychic space.

I'm not even finishing that review because that's perfect. That's Le Bon, more dipshit thriller. But is it isn't it that's that's going to be in our lexicon going forward, I think Dipshit thriller. Oh beautiful. Thank you very much, letterbox and Rory for reading those notes from the peanut gallery.

Cool, right. I'd like to do I'd like to offer up this despite the fact that this is not a spy for the royal military for in any regard whatsoever. I'd like to offer up the the most likely course of action, most dangerous course of action and most hilarious course of actions of of the movie. I have drafted a most likely course of action, which I think is that Hardy and Emily stayed together. Hardy is welcomed back into the fold as a cop and gets back at a homicide which we see in the movie. He eventually makes it up to the chief of homicide like his dad was.

About four year olds joins the police as well, which is over. And while they're responding, responding to a car chase on their way to the 2017 Policeman's Ball, they discuss about how he wants grandchildren and then their craft crashes along with the perp and then Tom Sizemore, who is also a cop now, crashes up to them and finds out the perp is his own son. He then gets into a hustle with Hardy and then kills Hardy by accident. And then the daughter adopted becomes a river cop. That's the most likely got a way.

Of repeating. 6th generation cop. Most dangerous course of action is remember Detective Eddie in scumbag mode. He spends the next five years after the events of this movie threatening to have a fight with Willis until eventually he turns up at the houseboat one night and kills him with a boot. Or Tom's Hardy's son, who he calls Bruce Willis Hardy, played by Tom Hardy. That was revenge Bruce Willis Hardy, played by Tom Hardy actor shaves his head, becomes a luchador and through a series of medical experiments got awry.

He requires A respirator mask to breathe and then he starts a city wise vengeance against detective Eddie. Eventually he destroys all the bridges that leads over the rivers of Pittsburgh, holding the entire city to ransom until no one can deliver him. The body is detected that he. Just the part of The Dark Knight Rises.

That's the joke. Incredible. Incredible. And then most hilarious course of action is is is a conceptual one. But but this movie is a direct prequel to Sex and the City. A detective Emilie Harper is actually a pre witness protection Carrie Bradshaw and her entire life in New York is actually just an elaborate part of the witness protection scheme after she uncovers the much missing organisational corruption within the Pittsburgh PD. Like that? Makes sense to me. Yeah, I was thinking you could have a hilarious course of action in which Bruce Willis is transferred to Seattle Police Department's homicide team to find that his father in fact did not die and had raised a secret family.

The addition of Tom Hardy to to the Korean family payable charges the very idea of the Crane Brothers mysteries. Frasier then takes a genre shifting turn at around Season 3, when Tom Hardy now added the cast sets up the fine art fraud division for Seattle police. Yes, he's a great callbacks to Frasier. Love it. Sidelong niche reference to a particular episode of Frasier. That's the fine art one. That's the one where the is that the one where they try to get rid of that painting that that he doesn't like that that Marty buys?

Frasier buys a painting and then I think believes that it's not an original. And Marty's like, here's a number. Why don't you ring my old, my old station house or whatever and ask, ask for the ask for the for the fine art fraud team? Like yes, I'll hold.

Yeah, so good. Good. I would like that as a course of action because that would neatly avoid that awkward like fat Daphne season when she was pregnant and I was just trying to hide it by having her have like weird waking. Well I mean the show would become a full on cop show at that point despite being about fine art fraud and Daphne would have to get killed in order to make the show more emotive and gritty. What's this the way it is, man? Awesome, I love it right. Again, this is not a military movie yet there is a most egregious oversell of the military just to a complex.

Can't agree that we often do, but but I would say that there is not really another sell of the the MIC. I'm going to shorten it as but there is perhaps an exaggeration of the effectiveness of of the Marine flair as an offensive weapon as we've litigate already. And then I was going to ask you, Rory, if you had any opinions about the shotgun that you get. He's been issued. I thought that it would be bullshit to have such a shotgun, but then I typed into Google Pittsburgh Free Rivers alligators and turns out there's a valid reason for having those.

Shotguns. Wow.

I mean, to be honest with with the way you look at how American police are equipped now, it would have be it would be in the R15. It would be like a patrol rifle rather than a shotgun. But I mean, it's, it's it's totally believable that they would have had a long arm on the on on the boat. And also with constraints of budgets before the American police seem to get massively militarised and get massive high expense budgets. It's believable that they had like, what, 33 cartridges for it? 1995 this almost 393.

How the fuck does this film look better than than fucking OPS and other K about two years afterwards? I mean, yeah, it's like totally believable that they would have like a shotgun on on on on board the boat. I guess that's that's my take on it. If if the film was made like 10 years later, they would have probably had like what did what the police refer to as a patrol rifle. So yeah. Cool, carrying on with the categories. Question for the floor Would this movie be better if it had doctor Jack Ryan, doctor Richard Kimble, or president James Marshall scare quotes get off my plane close grey quotes in it this.

Is a hard one, man. Yeah, this is this is difficult because those are great characters. So my thought process on this and then they are, I've said in this particular instance that President Marshall and Jack Ryan are probably a bit qualified for this movie, this. This this is a cop movie, not a government echelon movie. Just just why my telescope is honed in on a doctor Richard Kimball, because there's one thing that Richard Kimball can do is they can establish when a person hasn't committed a crime that they're accused of.

So he could have been the guy who helps out Kesser. Do you remember Kesser? The guy who the Patsy The Patsy for the Polish Hill murders? He could come to his defence and then maybe they would have uncovered Jimmy a bit sooner and then maybe Hardy wouldn't have wound up tied to a chair. Richard Kimble is brought in as an expert witness for the case. Yes, and he's a doctor, right? So we can we can establish like what medical info would this would This movie, however, have benefited from a weird little scruffy guy played by Peter Falk?

Absolutely. I think most films would. The question is where would apply this scruffy little guy played by Peter Falk?

I would like to see him kind of bumbling around the policeman's ball, dressed totally out with the dress code, smoking and saying, oh, you know, my wife, she always has me. Just one more thing. One more thing I would love to have. I would love to have had like get a fault as maybe one of the detectives who wasn't a Dick head, because if you notice how every one of the films an asshole man. I mean, I'd say the Michael Bier Transformers films, how there's a point in them and just everyone's a Dick head.

Everyone's a fucking psycho, right? I mean, there's that one guy who's got a laminated copy of the Romeo and Juliet law and his wallet and he's meant to be the good guy and he's just yelling at people all the time. It isn't like that kind of concentrated assholery like, but everyone is a Dick in this film on on levels and I'd. Like to see? Someone wholesome like Colombo, just bumbling around and being insightful because he'd be the only guy, the only guy in the force who believed Tom Hardy. So I think I agree with you.

What I think they should do is you should have replaced. As much as I love some of your best feels and he does a great job in this movie. Unfortunately this movie as you see is top as assholes. We don't need one more hassle. So what should have happened is Peter Falk should have been like a really old like just about to retire. Maybe he's extended by like 5-10 years cop right. He's on the river section OK, and he's just working out his his little retirement just throwing up and down the river. But he's like a bit of a prankster and he does the little prank with the engine Revs to because because, because, because fuck me because like Tom Hardy is like a land lover, right?

He's like a homicide cop. He needs to be brought on a pig or two. So it makes sense that it would be messed around with by the river guys who've got their own little insular riverboat culture guy. So I think, I think Peter Falk is like his original partner who's this like old like 20 tabs a day kind of guy who's just like, hey, doctor in the water, like get some dry clothes on kid and I'll pick you up on the next run. One more thing. Like, like, like, that's what he should do, right? Class actually, you're doing as a good point that like Tom Hardy is transferred to the River Police as essentially punishment, yet somehow is they've got the child energy and the respect to be able to turn up to work shithouse hungover at 5 in the evening and no one cares.

And and it's like, you would think that maybe they would hears him a bit and think he sucks, but the rest of the river police appears to just be nerds. And it's like, yeah. It's like like the wire, right? It's the wire, isn't it? With McNulty gets into the the river police in Baltimore and like the sort of Season 2, like it's a punishment. It's like the slow horses of the cops, right? Do you do you think like the rest of the like the river police team are all there for being shit at the job as well or or being too good at the job?

You know, because I think most of. The more yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder, I wonder how this movie went down with the river rescue, because obviously it's a real, must be a real thing. Three Rivers converge over Pittsburgh. So like, you know, I wonder what they actually thought of it. Did it make them look good because they were like doing cool stuff or did they make them look shit because these were like the B team and there was stupid little shorts and stuff? It's. A very good question. What this movie Rory have benefited from Lieutenant Commander Samuel L Jackson, U.S., Navy.

100% he's the naval attache to the to the boat police. He has a much faster boat than the rest of them.

Go catch a fish, motherfucker. So I, I agree he's involved in the river stuff. So I think he, he could have potentially replaced Captain Pendeman, who's his boss at the river rescue. And he could be like, so when he's on the radio, he's like turning his radio off to like avoid talking to his boss. He could be like God damn hard to get your motherfucking ass back here and put up, you know, fucking fuck. Yeah. Kind of thing. Happy class. You're the Ding travellers or what? Right. So Ding Chavez Award for the missed opportunity in the movie named after Ding Chavez from many a Tom Clancy product.

For me, there is no scene set in the Roadhouse. There is no scene where Willis rips out the guy's throat with his bare hands. There's no scene where Sam Elliott is kicking the fuck out of a giant idiot baby man outside of a bar while the drays arrives. There's no bit where a monster truck drives over a bunch of cars. This film isn't Roadhouse and that is a missed opportunity. We. Could there is no scene when the guy who was originally done for being the Polish Hill murderer is released and then would have to say this quite meekly to the news camera because he wasn't a very intimidating guy.

You would quite meekly and weakly say it the to the to the news reporters. I I used to fuck guys like you in prison because it's not like the full throat. Say it with your chest. I used to fuck guys like you in prison line from Roadhouse because of course that castle guy that the the alleged Polish shell the route was was not the guy. He's he's not a scary dude. It would have to be quite a quite a weak little minuscule flex bind. Alternatively, we are always going to come back that line because it's it's a brilliant line.

There's not enough references to Roadhouse like they they could have made all any, any number of references. It's like, you know what? What do I do if he calls me a cock sucker? It's like it's, it's two nouns used together to the little response, like just all that bullshit like pain don't hurt. Someone could have said pain don't hurt. There's a bad knee which barely gets referenced in the film to me. Like, oh, paint don't hurt, you know, pain don't hurt. Pain don't hurt, yeah. Or or one of the killers like revealing a bull press.

I'm the best cop, but professed pain don't hurt. I love it, but finally we are up to command and signals call signs in the movie. I really struggle with this every week. I don't know why I keep doing it. So TomTom Hardy for me right? The only one I fought for him is Landshark. He twats the guy with it. That's great. Jimmy Chatello is obviously. That's got up.

That's got up. I don't want to deep dish Farina. I've read that letterbox. So Dennis Farina deep dish, deep dish. I love that. But but also I was thinking like one of his many roles. He's obviously had many, many unforgettable role in his long storied career. God rest his soul. But but one of those was Nick Miller's father in New Girl. Mr Mr. Miller, Tom Sizemore. I don't want to. I don't want to split the man's memory, but. Whizzing it as a good one. Party Crash has a good one. Meatball. Just like call him Homer as in Simpsons.

Yeah, that's all I've got. I didn't. I couldn't think of a one for for Sir Jessica Parker, SJP, Mrs Big. Biggest move on the Pittsburgh.

It's bad that we can't think of a call sign for her. I guess light bulb because she didn't realise was a problem on the light bulb in our in our bedroom was unscrewed. Right. Yeah, Reckless, Reckless, reckless. I love it, right guys? That brings us to the end of another episode of Here and Present Dudes. So that was striking. Distance 1993. Sorry, Bruce Willis, our next movie. Whose pick is it next? Or Rory. OK, so the next one is Rory Pick and we are going to stick with the 1990s and we're going to go with Enemy of the State.

Awesome. Tony Scott, Is it 19? 90 I want to say 9768 I want to say 97981998 Will Smith Will Smith mode. Great movie. In scumbag mode. A very young and unfamous Jack Black Regina King. He's going to be class. Lisa Bonet. Always, always a good pick. This is going to rule. This is brilliant. I mean, I mean, it was a film that was ahead of its time with the whole surveillance state thing as well. Because we do live in a fucking panopticon and it's going to be great. We're going to stick with some. With some 90s film vibes and just amp it up with the kind of levels of paranoia that are more suited to the 20 twenties.

Let's see how well this film holds up with today's surveillance data.

Wonderful. I love it and I can't wait. So I guess what remains to be said is thank everybody for listening and in. Present dudes. Clear and present one. Day one day we're going to always be at the same time. One day we'll have that synced up. So yeah, thank you so much. I'm Rory. This has been Mike and Sonia, and you can find me on Twitter as Rory O'Toole. Rory is spelled RUARI. Otoole is spelled as in Peter. I'm not related. I will allow the boys to give you their social media handles after I tell you that Clear and Present Dudes is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon, it's on SoundCloud, it's on Podcast Addict, Overcast, and you can find us on Instagram at Clear and Present Dudes.

I am Mike on threads as Mike T 2049. It's probably where the best place to find me and the gramme, the Portuguese also on YouTube. Now we have the YouTube channel, so that's pretty cool. I've put a lot of shorts and posts of little videos and tidbits there. So that's me and Sonia. Hi. I'm Sonia and thanks for listening in this week and as elaborated earlier, there is a very good README and the longer frequenting social media. So if you want to hear from me, you'll have when the clear and present dude, public sites on YouTube and Instagram.

Thank you. Yeah. We'll go a man and. Everybody keeps. Us how to blow the purpose

goodnight.

Striking Distance (1993)

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