Striking Distance (1993)

Hello everybody. Welcome back to Clear and

Present Dudes. Once again, I'm Rory.

I'm here with my friends, Mike. Banshark.

And Sanya, so once again, thank you so much for coming back

after after the last episode as well, which I appreciate was

about the film that probably none of you had seen.

Do you? Thank you.

Yeah, Please, please, please keep coming back.

Rate the show, review if you can on Apple.

Spotify really helps us out to reach more people.

So, you know, like and subscribe.

If you're on YouTube, click the little bell icon, come up with a

little Jack Ryan emoji, whatever.

Yeah, all that good stuff. Thank you.

We'll need to get some kind of a Jack Ryan emoji for the discord

server. Oh.

Yes, we do. I suppose I should start by

saying I apologise for picking a movie that hasn't got any spies

in it or any military people in it at all.

It's just a big dumb cop movie. Apology accepted.

Apology fucking refused because this film was good as hell and

I'm not going to have apologies about it.

This film fucking rules. All all the cops are dressed up

as as naval officers for some reason though, so we'll allow

it. I mean the sports with sports.

There's a lot of boats, I'll give her that.

Fair enough. It it it's got a nautical theme

ongoing. I was.

Going to ask you a question guys.

Before we get into the movie chat, I sent a link into our

WhatsApp group DVD about Bruce Willis's music stuff.

Have you heard The Return of Bruno the the pop music album by

Bruce Willis? I have heard.

Some of us not. It's blown my mind.

So obviously Bruce Willis love and respected man and he's going

through some some tough health stuff for the minute.

So anybody say about This Guy Comes from a Place of Love

Released some Blues music albums in the late 80s and then I think

this compilation came out like in 1999 and stuff.

Some of this stuff is incredible.

Basically what it is is Bruce Willis is a movie star.

You can play the harmonica, you kind of like singing.

And I think they just kind of give him a record contract.

But to keep us on theme, one of the songs he did was Secret

Agent Man James Bond is back, which I think is a cover, right?

But but the production on this thing is amazing.

So there's a big long intro at the bit that you're that you're

listening to with like some ambient noise.

A lot of the tracks on those albums start with ambient noise,

right? This is a guy gonna have a car.

Yeah, I mean, there's like cicadas and stuff.

So he's he's essentially a dungeon synth musician at this

point with the ambient noises, right?

Yeah. And then did you get a gunshot

just there? Oh.

That's the gunshot, yeah. There we go.

And there's like got a chat there about the ASA.

Yeah. Pretty cool.

Right. Yeah, this is pretty cool.

This is to be fitting with the rest of the album, but.

Yeah, this is cool. I mean like the kind of layout

samples of of of the coconut. Wolf like if he comes in, it

sounds a bit like like the N64 Goldeneye, right?

That's one more chance. I did not expect this to go this

hard. Yeah, man.

OK, dude, don't kill me for this part.

This is a little bit like Sting, a little bit.

It's getting slight, the police vibes.

I just want you to experience that.

I also thought we'd keep us on track.

A little. Bit.

Too late 0100. There's only no commitment or

all of it. I'm in the full stop.

But now you will make the void the copyright strike.

Yeah, let's do the year better than Christmas.

Saxophone solo That was fucking sick.

So that's Bruce Willis and his musical career.

Anyway, that was just my little contribution.

I suppose the next thing we should ask about Rory is how

you're getting on with The Bear and the Dragon for your your

book club. The Bear and the Dragon Book

Club, Yes. For anyone who didn't hear the

last episode, we're doing a bit of an informal book club when

I'm subjecting myself to the audio book of Tom Clancy's late

stage novel, The Bear and the Dragon on my commute to and from

work. And it's, it's, it's killing me

dog. So this book, right?

I'm actually looking at my phone with Spotify now.

This book's like 37 hours long, right?

Unabridged. I've got 28 1/2 hours left of

this book. A quick recap.

This is I believe it's the last novel that Tom Clancy wrote

himself fully. He wrote in the late 90s ninety

899. I think he was on his way out as

far as really giving a shit about Ryland goes.

And after this he did a lot of, you know, he got stuff ghost

written. He lent, he lent his name, the

things he consulted on stuff he did a bit of collaborations.

But this is this is like the last like fully fully 100%

Clancy novel and it's a trip. This book has got a reputation

as being quite insane. It's talked about a lot on the

subreddit, non credible defence, especially regarding it's it's

bizarre setting in which it culminates with the war between

China and Russia in which Russia joins NATO and and China gets

fully curb stomped quite quickly.

In in fact, I'm told out of this like 1000 plus page book,

there's only about 100 pages of war in it at the end.

So it's so it's quite a rapid curb some and China got some

essentially the rest of the world now that NATO and the

Russians have turned off and it's truly a unipolar world at

that point. Right in the last episode I

mentioned how there's a subplot, this character called Chasta

Namori. Who was this?

Who was this Japanese American CIA officer who was currently

shrugging the secretary, a Chinese secretary to one of the

Politburo? In the last episode, I went deep

in the weird sex scenes that Tom Clancy writes, the really

strange pillow talk in which she refers to his penis as a

Japanese sausage. Multiple times.

She talks about her employer's penis because of course he's

digging a secretary as a string bean and as the immortal line.

Better a sausage than a string bean.

Later on in that later on, she actually refers to this guy

Chasta as Master sausage. Well, once again, once again,

there's been an awkward sort of sex scene, which faded to black

a little bit. But also once again, she said

she's got a taste for Japanese sausage.

Tom Clancy's written a lot about this man's hog.

Dude. It's, it's weird.

There's this kind of diplomatic tension regarding Chinese

violation of copyrights. This, this, this is not Hunt for

October. And it depends what late October

is. You know the hunt for October?

There's no fucking people getting butthurt about China

making illegal copies of Dell computers, right?

It's just, it's just weird. Different sphere of warfare it.

Really is. It really is.

I mean also. How?

How is this weirder than the fake clumsy plots you've come up

with last week? Yes, it's insane, right?

I mean, you've got like the kind of like geopolitical set up of

Russia has found some massive resources in like there's been

some massive finds of new resources in Siberia and the

Russian Far East, a significant amount of gold and insane amount

of oil, which has one very fat American oil Baron really

excited again, Tom Clancy given representation of big fat

bastards like me. Awesome, thank you, Tom.

So the better at the moment, there's this American delegation

to China and the meeting with the Chinese premier and Jesus

fucking Christ. It's just you can tell Tom's

stopped giving a shit by this point.

I mean, he can write a very Byzantine plot that pulls

together loads of disparate characters and you know it's

going to come together under some massive set piece at the

end because that's what it does. As I said before, it feels like

there's no real AB and C plot and a Tom Clancy novel.

Everything's just a plot and it's all at the end.

You're going to get jammed into this one big ball of warfare and

technical specifications of land attack cruise missiles.

So you've got this like this, this sequence when there there's

a trade. I keep saying trade, there's a

diplomatic delegation to the Chinese Politburo and the

meeting the premier. And you can tell how little Tom

gives a shit because at one point the Chinese premier says

something to this American ambassador.

I forgot his actual words, but the writer himself cuts the

sentence off halfway and says he then proceeded to drone on for

another 4 minutes. It's like my fucking God this is

amazing right? This is like late stage

clancyism. It's like cross reference that

with how self congratulatory he is in the open and beats of Hood

for October when when Margaremius says I think right

knows where I'm going. Yeah.

When Margaremius kind of comments internally to himself

about that. Like kind of the kind of stands

at the water line around the harbour and and how it looks

like the filth on the rim of a giant's bathtub.

And Raimius actually thinks to herself, what a great simile or

what a, what a, what a great metaphor.

And it's like, hey, well done, Tom, you did it again.

I, I have a fucking pain for this character that I've

created. One of the one of the reasons

this guy was elected as the premier of China and the chief

of the Politburo is for his looks, which is kind of weird to

me because it's like, I guess I'm just imagining fucking

handsome Squidward for some reason.

I don't know why, but I didn't sleep a lot last night.

And yes, he was up all night knocking on the window.

All I'm thinking of, all I'm thinking of is these American

diplomats, one of whom Tom Clancy makes a note of saying is

Jewish but eats bacon, right? We just imagine them talk.

They were thinking, Oh God, he's hot.

Jesus Christ. I was a that was a terrible that

was a terrible squid. What impression also also.

So like I said, there's like there's no A or B or C plus

it's, you can see the webs being weaved together in the thing and

the Baptist Church, the Baptist Church is a player in this.

The Vatican is also a player in this.

One of the POV characters is a, as a member of the Vatican's.

It isn't the Pope, but it might just fucking well be.

No. So he's one of the he's he's,

he's a member of the Vatican's intelligence community.

I think I I think this book walked so Dan Brown could run,

but. Sounds like it.

Straight into a ball. So this guy so, so this guy is

like a papal delegate like he's like an ambassador for the

Vatican or something like that to China.

And he's meeting like, he's like, met with this like Chinese

Baptist preacher who studied in America and has connections to

the Baptist preacher, father of the vice president.

And there's this like POV, brief POV of like a Chinese family.

And the guy you're saying how they they had a son and the son

was killed in an accident. But this lad's like a Baptist,

right? And he goes to this, this

Chinese Baptist free trial who's God's, it's God's plan.

It fucking sucks ass, dude. And he's like, oh, yeah, it

does. It's so shit.

I'm going to have another kid because God wants us to.

And so of course I've got one child policy right?

And holy shit, as Tom Clancy got dark on this one he mentions is

not what he mentions not one, but a few times about a practise

of injecting a newborn second baby in the head with

formaldehyde. That's dark.

That is dark, isn't it? And and I'm no like there is,

there is, there is like, you know, the one child rule.

There is a history of like infanticide without which

fucking sucks. That's right.

I did a quick Google today and I couldn't find any mention of

formaldehyde injections. And I hope that's not true just

because it's fucking really grim.

But like, and, and, and I think this book might end with like

the Baptist's overthrow in the Chinese Communist Party, you

know? Oh.

How far from the book are you at the minute?

I'm on track 41. Let me just pull up Spotify

here. Track 41.

There are 123 tracks. I'm not even halfway yet.

Wow. I mean it's like 37 hours,

right? And I've and I've done, I've got

28 hours left. So yeah, we haven't had any more

hilarious shit with the Russians using kind of Western cultural

touchstones like Pokémon that I thought was very funny.

Just to recap, in the last episode, Russian detectives in a

monologue as you saw a dead body pulled out of the river in Saint

Petersburg was his features were twisted like some kind of a

Pokémon. And it's like, what the fuck,

Cardinal of the Kremlin? This isn't hunt radical about.

This isn't Red Storm Rising. This definitely isn't.

It's a book that fucking exists. But I am going to finish this

thing. I look forward to hearing the

your progress as we go forward on the bear and the dragon.

That so far makes perfect sense. It's opening beats involves a

pimp being assassinated by a guy with an RPG in Moscow, but you

don't know if it was actually an attempt on the attempt on the

life of the chief of the FSB or not because we're both driving

identical cars. It's crazy.

I'd say it was written by IF. If you got like a language

learning AI model to read all of the non credible defence

subreddit and it was like write a book that would be this.

Plus plus we had shit about A10 Thunderbolts operating from

aircraft carry also being used by the US Coast Guard.

Brilliant. On that note, shall we talk

about striking distance? Please represent.

A clear and. Present danger national security

of the United states you have no.

Idea what? OK, right.

So guys, did you know that before he went to Seattle to

live with his son Frasier, Marty Graham was actually a chief of

homicide in the Pittsburgh Police Department with his adult

son, Walter Bruce Willis? Yep.

At least he was in this week's movie, Striking Distance from

1993, which from the wiki is an action thriller film starring

Bruce Willis as a Pittsburgh police homicide detective,

Thomas Hardy Film Co stars Sarah Jessica Parker, Dennis Farina

and Tom Sizemore. It was directed by Rowdy

Harrington and written by Harrington and a guy called

Marty Kaplan. The film was shot on location

throughout Pittsburgh. It's got a shockingly low Rotten

Tomato score of 20% with a 35% popcorn metre, and is widely

regarded as one of the lesser Bruce Willis movies from the

90s. It also had a troubled

production, with a disastrous test screening linked to

numerous reshoots in LA, blamed on the amends to the script in

production made by its star, who picked up the nickname Orson

Willis during filming. Despite despite Harrington

always taking for Willis in the media, There's apparently bad

blood between the two at the time.

Hey, I'm going to say something that flies in the face of

everything I've just said there, especially about growing

tomatoes. But despite my better judgement,

I I think this movie's actually pretty fun.

I was hoping it was going to be more like Roadhouse, I guess.

But apart from that, it was like kind of fun.

Like what did you guys think? I loved it.

Yeah, it was surprisingly entertaining.

So I, I, I've, I've come across clips on YouTube, I hadn't put

that together. I've had seen random scenes of

it somehow and and it was way more enjoyable than I'd

anticipated originally. Watching random clips on YouTube

is actually a pretty good way to to bet into the movie because

like. I think I've seen the entirety

of the menu in in YouTube shorts now.

Incredible. Weird the the the short clipping

guy on YouTube must be to feed that film to me.

I say that because this movie appears to be made out of random

scenes loosely signed together by kind of a plot.

Dead body in the water. We fished it out.

Victim's name is Cheryl Putnam. I thought it was dumped up river

late last night. Whoever killed or hung onto it

for a while before he nailed it. How do you know I used?

To be a homicide detective. The Lightning Detective Thomas

Hartley. You're famous, man.

Infamous was once the most decorated officer on the

Pittsburgh police force. Is that stated in the movie at

some point? What the hell is that?

A hot chest, man. Until he broke rank.

Loyalty of all. Else.

Except. Honour and told the truth.

It's occur. Seems like you could just

throwing a cigarette into the river.

Yeah. Please come in.

Nice two one guy, he's got a new assignment and Shark a new

partner. Hi, it's nice to meet you.

I never had a woman partner. Before.

Neither have I and A river full of dead bodies.

Where's the state of? Murder.

Darn dangerous. This is not your.

Case of understanding. Oh mom, they should have never

put them in the water if they didn't want him to make waves.

How many men upstairs? They rephrase that.

Officer Hardy was not. Out.

Of control and dangerous. Puts the bodies in the river so

I'll find them. Nick.

He wants me to find these girls. Bruce Willis, you just won't let

go with you. Party behind.

You. Sarah Jessica Parker, thank you.

No, I should definitely be. Thank you.

Oh I should be so good, thank. You.

Be. So careful in this life, honey,

Very careful. Striking distance.

That's a great trailer. The music just getting like

higher and higher pitch, just bringing my attention.

I love that. So good and the voice?

Brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant.

It almost, it almost feels like a more kind of contemporary

current trailer because it's not got a massive amount of in a

world where, I mean, it's got the bit of a voice over, but

it's not like. The most decorated cup in

Pittsburgh. I, I really like how how they

show you the river rescue sign once and after that every cut is

just Bruce Willis pointing guns at someone.

Like it's, it's, it's all being rescued.

My my mental image is not Bruce Willis pointing a shotgun at me.

This is the opposite of rescue. This is like, I don't know,

River Kill Squad or something. Incredible.

It does have a kind of funny expression when he's when he's

when he's firing his pistol out, which is something we actually

got into later in this episode when I'm going to read out the

notes from the piano gallery. But that is a that is a funny

face equals. It's certainly not on the same

level as Steven Seagal's terrible blinking while shooting

Awesome. That's a good trailer.

Yeah, that was really good. That was fucking excellent.

We saw a bit of a bit of a baby halt, a bit of young Andre

Brauer there. Hell yeah, dude.

OK, let's get into it. But yeah, I'll, I'll tell you

what. I'll talk about the plot a

little bit. So I guess prior to the events

of the movie, there's been like a series of killings that the

cops are calling the Polish Hill Murders.

Detective Tom Hardy is working the case along with some of his

colleagues, including his uncle Nick Ditello, played by Farina.

But concurrently, Hardy has drawn the eye of the entirety of

his cop brethren by testifying against his own partner, who

also happens to be Farina's son, Jimmy Tetello.

So like his cousin in a police brutality case.

And it's against this backdrop that we then join Hardy and his

dad, Vince, who's played by John Mahoney, AKA Marty Crane.

And they're on their way to the Policeman's Ball in the year

1991. And that's how the movie starts.

Two things at this point. One, we can already tell the

face of his father ahead of time because as they're getting into

the car, they spot his newly done up boat and he's like, dad,

I see you got the boat fixed up and he's like, yes, I'm going to

take it out on the river tomorrow.

So, you know, he's not living past today.

And then and then 2, the movie might peak here pretty early

with a really fucking cool car chase sequence.

Like what do you think? Is that?

Is that a controversial statement?

It's car chase is brilliant. It's to be honest, it's one of

my favourite car chases I've got right now.

I think it's fucking class. I love how of its time it is.

You've got big kind of clunky American police cruisers banging

down a bumpy inclined Rd with with with such intensity that

the light bar flies off from one of them.

You've you've got hubcaps flying everywhere.

It's it's, it's raw. No, it's, it's raw.

It's scruffy, it's shabby, It's real, it's believable and it's

really cool. I love that car chase.

It's. Awesome.

Did you see the bit? Did you?

I was hoping you'd notice this. It's like a beer head.

Oh, you don't want to call you a beer head, but you are a beer

head. Did you notice?

Did you notice? Did you notice their police?

Well, I think it's their own car.

Do you do you see? I think the car is being chased.

Smashes into the side of a van and a whole bunch of crates and

a whole bunch of crates of Iron City come come flying off it

which. Is like a Pittsburgh baby.

Hell yes, I know it was fucking be I mentioned, but yeah, I know

it was it was brilliant. It was really, really good.

It was a great car chase. Big fan of it.

Massive fan of it. That's fucking awesome.

So that car chase is they're going like a tip, they're on

their way and they get a tip that that this got this, this

car has been sighted and they think it's related to the Polish

shell murders. So like everyone, everyone's

chasing it down. And then they kind of just join

in the chase. And there's that really fucking

cool bit where they're like kind of like chasing.

I hope they do chasing, but they kind of guide them into like

particular route they want to take by like blocking off other

routes along the way with with other police cruisers.

Then they make this big barricade and they all line up

and all police go out of their cars and they're all there with

their guns, like all lined up. And then like Dennis Freena just

wanders over to to Willis and his dad just goes, is this the

policeman's ball? Fuck, I love that.

That's the somewhere list of quotes of the movie, I think.

I love that. Yeah, definitely this and and

and this film has brilliant quotes from it.

It is an eminently quotable film.

Really is. So I guess, yeah, what happens

there is the chase continues on. As you mentioned, the girl on

that really bumpy Rd where like the the light racks come off the

top of the cars and stuff. They pile off the side of a

grassy hill and flip the cars. They turn and turn and turn it

face the black. And when we come back again, all

we see is that John Mohoney's been shot dead and the culprit

got away. And that's like the end of the

1991 segment. And then the rest of the movie

we pick up two years later and things have gone S for for our

guy Tom Hardy here. So they've they've caught the

guy. That's right.

They've caught they they think, they think they think they've

caught the culprit of the the Polish Hill murders.

But actually Tardy's pretty concent.

So it's like a a Patsy, this guy called Kessa.

And you look at him, you're like, well, yeah, it's not him

because he's tiny. What's he doing?

Loving, loving women's bodies off a bridge.

You can't even lift them up the bridge.

So. So immediately Tom Hardy's not

not taking that and he's still like as pariah and the rest of

the police force because they all, they all hit him.

Oh, I did. I did miss one bit.

So that all happens. That's still 1991.

And then his partner, Jimmy Tesillo, who's been testifying

against, is suicidal and is standing on the edge of a bridge

and, and despite some pleading and everyone trying to get him

down, he jumps off the bridge, flashes into the war, and then

we don't see him. And then it fades out and it's

like 2 years later. You're the best cop.

You're the best cop. Yeah, that's right.

You're the best. You want what's for the best

cop? Oh, it's for the best cop.

It's fucking brilliant. This guy's awesome, right?

So like he has this one scene here at the start where where

he's like screaming and he's obviously like in great

distress. Spoiler for everybody who hasn't

watched the movie. Will he comes back and like for

the entire the rest of his performance at the end of the

end bit of the movie, he is just spouting off like insane lines

and he's hilarious. But we'll come to that when we

get on to it. He's great, though.

Yeah, I'm a big fan of him. I've got some funny trivia about

him as well. So the movie picks up in in in

1993. His life has gone on the pan.

He's he's inherited his dad's stuff.

So he owns that boat they were talking about.

He lives in a houseboat and he no longer is a homicide

detective for, for the PPD, you know, works for the, the, the

PPD river rescue. And he's a boat cop.

And he goes to work every day in a little polo shirt and little

shorts, little boat shoes and a little cap.

And he's like the resident bad boy maverick of the of the boat

cops. And the best thing is about this

is this is film wants us to believe that this is that kind

of kind of a his his punishment really, right, Because he's

because he's broken the court of silence and he's and he's like

he's testified against his partner, who's also his cousin,

which is brilliant. He's a fifth generation cop,

Rory. He's a generation cop.

He's a 17th generation cop. Has dad arrested George

Washington? That's a that's a red flag an

inch. If someone tells you they're a

fifth generation cop, you're like, fucking.

Left and like so obviously the film is is telling you this is

this is this is his punishment. So he lives on a fucking cool

houseboat. Yeah.

I mean, it's, I mean, it's not like a depressing houseboat.

It's a cool one. I mean, it's cooler than the

houseboat that Duncan McLeod lives on in, in Highlander, the

TV series. And that's a cool fucking

houseboat. Oh, he has a job that lets him

turn up drunk, hungover and late and.

And he seems to not have been punished that much by life, you

know. Oh, Roy.

I've got a question to ask you, Roy.

Yeah. Is this an episode of That's a

really Cool Houseboat. This is an episode of That's a

Really Cool Houseboat. Hi, I'm Mike.

I'm here. I'm joined by Sanya and Rory.

Welcome to the episode of This is a Really Cool Houseboat.

I was just talking about some really cool houseboats that I

saw recently, and you were talking about that one that you

saw from Hollander. The only really cool houseboats

I can think of is the one that Dax Shepard lives in, in the

first few couple of seasons of Parenthood.

Any other cool houseboats you can think of?

There is the houseboat that is regularly referred to in the

multiple tracks called Riverbank Brackets number on Buck 65's

album Talking Hunky Blues, which sounds like a pretty cool

houseboat. It probably only needs a few

minor repairs in the words of Buck 65, but when with with us

not being able to see images of it, I'm afraid he's on

crossworthy Narrator if anybody else has any more cool house

boards. I've got any cool cool house

boards. As much as I would love a cool

house board, unfortunately I don't know.

That's there we go. That was a cool episode of

that's a really cool houseboat back back to the pod.

Watch the. Films.

I don't know. So, so, so we're meant to

believe that that that Tom Hardy glove that he's called Tom

Hardy. By the way, Tom Hardy's life is

like taking a severe downturn and he has to sleep because he

drinks a lot. Obviously he's not happy, but he

hasn't got a good reason because like he's got a fucking cool

life. He'll just tool out in a boat

every day. Yeah, yeah, he's, he's getting

significantly more fresh air and sunshine than other other

Homicide guys. It's probably still building up

a really good pension. He's just.

Patrolling the river as well, like.

Yeah, it's class. He's not doing stakeouts.

He's not. Yeah.

Chilling out looking at drunk teenagers in bikinis while drunk

himself and he gets to throw a stick at colleague in the river

every morning. Exactly.

You know how much my life would be improved if I could just toss

other subalterns into the water if I felt like it.

It would be amazing. Yeah, the Navy doesn't like you

doing like man overboards. They really, they really hate

that. Yeah, especially if you don't

use the the dummy. Yeah.

I was once asked, we were asked to to to bother navs with a man

overboard drill and the nautical officer just came up to me take

care of it and I was just grabbing some leading hand to to

help me and I was pissed with another leading hand but just

wouldn't shut up for like an hour out on the bridge wing

while I was working. And I just yielded that dummy

one handed over the side and the other leading hand just looked

at are you OK? I was like, no.

That's that's such a Sanya coded thing as well, because for

anybody obviously do a bit of theatre of the mind here, Sanya

is a big motherfucker. Sanya is the kind of guy who can

eat many things one handed. Yeah, man.

So yeah, he's got this. He's got this pretty fucking

cool job as a boat cop. It's brilliant.

It's seems kind of low stakes, at least at the beginning.

And yeah. His partner, Timothy Busfield, a

guy called Sacco, absolutely hates him, and they take regular

bets about how late he's going to be for work.

You never say. He turned it forward at 5 and it

was like broad daylight still. So he's rocking him to work at

5:00 in the evening and he's like struggling to get there on

time. It's.

Amazing man like this guy. This guy wakes up at the crack

of noon. He smokes a couple of tabs, gets

out of bed, drinks some whiskey. Peter's cat, Bob.

Bob's great. Bob's the MVP.

You know, this is just just brought a horrid pun I've heard

before and apparel to another cop movie.

To my mind, you know, it's just he he's a detective who gets

involved in well, not not corruption, but cop on cop

violence. And as things happening, he used

to be detective. They turn him into something

else. This is like RoboCop but they

make him rowboat cop Holy shit it's horrible but I really had

to get it out of my system. No, no, that's that's amazing.

It's amazing. I mean it's like much lower

budget when it comes to the augmentations to give him

because Peter Weller gets the whole robot Cyborg outfit and.

And he gets alcoholism. He gets alcoholism with a knee

brace. It's all gone.

I I like as well, Bruce Willis is meant to be like totally

fucking busted and like knockout and a physical wreck.

But in fact he's still in relatively good shape.

He's just got a knee brace. Yeah, you.

Know literally exactly the same. No, no, yeah.

No reduced mobility to speak of whatsoever.

Yeah, I'm going to look at the, I'm going to look at the Plot

Summary because I can't remember what happens next.

Like how this how this thing even kicks off.

Well, I haven't talked yet about this excellent way that the the

killer's work is shown with that little remote controlled police

car that's tooling around and the the music that brilliant.

Obviously the went off the needle drop category.

Yeah, yeah. This has threw me off.

Yeah, so I thought when the movie started, that one, I

thought it was some really weird, shoddy miniature work.

Initially I was like, what the fuck?

How old is this movie? What's going on?

That's not a real car. What's happening?

It's not a sofa. And then when it became apparent

that there was a remote control car in an indoors in someone's

homicile, I was like, oh, OK, it's just a bit arty and weird.

But then it showed that it wasn't I because then we got the

weird like leather gloves, like playing with the RC controller

scene, I was like, oh, that's very odd.

That's just a bit like, isn't it edgy?

I'm going to stand up for giallo films here.

And it is, it is pretty arty because, like, this is when

we're going to the notes on the Piano Gallery, most of the four

and five star reviews of people who were cool enough and

drinking off and smoke enough cigarettes and drive boats

enough to realise this is an American giallo film.

Oh, don't dispute that. I mean, it's like, it's

definitely there's influences of like Italian horror, the

weirdness, the weird kind of Eroticism, the, the, the weird

fucking sensuality and sexuality and just the fucking bonk as

juxtaposition of like, you know, toys and silly music and fucking

brutal destruction of women. And so it's, it's an American

jello film. I see the rest of my time.

I'm not being way off basic, but the the touch point I got from

the start of it, just that vibe of it was the have you seen?

It's been a long time since I saw it, but Magnum Force, which

I think is like the 5th Dirty Harry movie, the 3rd or the 5th,

I can't remember which one. I think it's the fifth one, but

that starts and it's like a it's a cop who does the murders and

he's a bike cop and it shows him like doing like these weird like

executions from from the back of his bike.

I think at the start of the movie.

But I got the same kind of vibe from that.

That's what was kind of, that's why I placed that as like, Oh

yeah, OK, I see it a little bit. The other thing I was going to

say about this was I get the impression that you're bang on,

right, about the jello thing. And I think the jello thing was

probably a lot more present in the screenplay.

And I think this is part of this and I think this is part of the

stuff, but tested really badly that they've had to kind of like

smooth out by by putting more action sequences in.

And like, all of the ones I was going to talk about actually

was, you know, earlier on I mentioned like some stuff

happens in the plot for like no reason whatsoever.

What is up with the weird sequence with the drug deal that

went wrong on the barge which turns into a hostage situation

that that Bruce Willis gets involved with for like and then

it's never mentioned again? That's that's just weird, isn't

it? Yeah, but.

I think that's like one of the things we've added in to make it

more actioning. It is certainly better maritime

CQB than the last film we talked about.

However, which is which is which is not hard.

There are episodes of Rosie and Jim that have better maritime

CQB than than Tom Clancy's OPS and at the the VHS home release

version that that particular scene doesn't even really seem

to have much in the way of like lasting effects in the film

going forward. I mean, you'd think that if this

was a real kind of crux of the film and a real kind of like

major plot point, I would be like, Oh my God, he pulled off,

pulled off this great sea of and rescued these people on this

tugboat and stuff. And now we're going to make him

a homicide detective again or something.

But it doesn't, it doesn't go that way.

It just goes back to being a boat cop and hang around with

Sarah Jessica Parker and you know, being being watched by his

cat Bob as he gives someone. Suppose we haven't, we haven't

really mentioned that yet, have we?

So, So he's he's a boat cop. He's pissed off Timothy Busfield

one too many times. And then he goes into work one

day and finds that his partner has been reassigned.

And her name is Joe Christman, I think, played by Sarah Jessica

Parker. And initially he's pretty sexist

about it. And he's pretty unimpressed

about having this young girl who's like got no experience and

what you doing? He tries to get a sack

immediately by talking to his boss to the up on a pretty bad

foot. They got on a little patrol

together. They pull over my MVP of the

movie, a guy called Billy Harton who plays a character called

boat preppy. Some kids who are like drinking.

He again he he confiscates their bottle of booze, doesn't give

him a ticket or isn't or isn't going to give him a ticket and

then looks like he's about a drink from the bowl and

certificate part is not happy with that.

But but the only thing that that scene we're talking about does

is it gives her a character beat of like saving his ass

basically. So he's about to get shot and

she's like party behind you and then he's like blows the guy

away and it's like you were really good out there.

You were really good. So they have a lot of bonding

bit I suppose what I was going to say about the movie.

I've got a question about that scene as well.

Let me see the floor. See you then, Sir.

How the fact does he get from the bridge pillar onto the barge

when the barge is driving like 5 metres past it and he stood on a

fucking ladder run like half a metre above the water.

I don't know about you guys but I I personally cannot jump 5

metres without giving it a bit of a run first.

At least he. So the so the movie stores up

first by just showing him climbing up a ladder doesn't

doesn't this? It's amazing, isn't it?

It's just Scotty ladder me over. But like, yeah, absolutely.

I thought the same thing. I was like, I got a minute.

So they're going to let off on the pillar here.

She's going to like stood away, her head pretending that she's

not involved and isn't tracking it.

And then how's he going to get onto the barge?

But he's just climbs the bladder and he's soaking wet and he's

like, right, He's been underwater as well, so.

Not even fully underwater because like, he puts like a

shotgun cartridges in his mouth, right?

So like, his head's going to be both water.

He's trying not to get those wet, I mean.

I understand there's a significant shadow zone in in

front of that barge He's got to have got, he's had to have

jumped into the water as it's passing and then avoided like

the pressure force pushing away from the ship, then has to try

and pedal up to it and climb on as it's moving as you see about

5 knots so. Yeah, I mean, he's doing all

this with a busted knee and with an alcohol problem.

He's probably either still drunk from the night before or drunk

from his live now this morning. And holding a shotgun.

And and he's holding a shotgun. He is.

He is the best cop. Intubitibly, but I suppose my

overall impression of the movie before I could get into the

weeds of it is there's sometimes a movie can be really

satisfying. You know, when you like you're

watching a movie where the screenplay is hasn't been,

there's been really well planned, hasn't been fucked

around with too much. And all these little character

beats that you think are just little character beats all end

up coming back and paying off in some really satisfying way.

I bring this up because I watched My Cousin Vinny the

other night and it's a utterly flawless movie.

And like, and like every little character beat from that movie

or every little instance that happens that teaches you a

little bit about the characters ends up coming out back in the

trial, which you think is like running completely wildly out of

control. And yet somehow they pull off

like the last. He's literally like in real time

in the movie has like 90 minutes to pull it all together and he

does it just just it's all through pay off of stuff that's

happened earlier in the movie. That movie absolutely nails it.

Like that's that's a flawless movie.

And then this movie, like there is stuff that calls back, but

it's stuff that is so like tremendously like Telegraph to

that it's not satisfying because you don't feel like you've

noticed anything. It's just going to cram down

your throat the whole way. Do you know what I mean?

Like like like the Taser, for instance.

Like that's really like that's obviously a big deal throughout

the whole movie. The gloves isn't particularly

subtle. You know, the the best cop

thing, the little cheesy line between the dad, the dad wanted

grandparents and the last thing he says in the movies is like

grandkids, grandkids, not grandparents, but you know what

I mean? But so this so like, I don't

sound like I'm down to the movie because I'm not down to the

movie. Like it's really fun.

But like, yeah, it just it just it's reduced it from a tear from

being like a like a perfect movie to be in like a pretty,

pretty standard vehicle. Yeah, it feels like it's been

like sliced up a bit by some rewrites as well, as you said,

like it definitely feels like it feels like it's been like

they've made it more of an actioner kind of thing.

It's funny again, how obviously not going to like fucking Bang

Bang bang the jello drum too much.

But it's interesting, like a lot of their gum like one or two

star reviews, like this is a bad action movie and the four or

five stars review reviews like this is an American jello.

Holy shit. So I think I I I think it I

think they've tried like action movie at a bit.

I think they've tried to kind of make it a bit more conventional

than maybe it was going to be initially, and I think that does

the movie dirty. I agree there's there's some

because there's some really great talent in the movie and

there's lots of stuff that I think really works as well.

So like plotting wise, not so much.

OK. The action itself I think is

done really, really well. Like I'm, I'm got any comments

about like negative comments about about the action itself.

I think it's really done really, really well.

I think it's a good like it's all practical effects pretty

much. I don't see any digital

compositing there. If there is any, then that's a

good thing. So I couldn't tell.

Yeah. So that's really good.

So that technically that's really, really good.

I also really, really love Dennis Farina in the movie.

I think Tom Sizemore is surprisingly really good in the

movie. Tom Sizemore a dude though I

love Tom Sizemore. He's had a very up and down

life, God rushy soul, but. He's another Angel in heaven.

Man, what a fucking dude. It's brilliant in this, really

good. Even Sarah Jessica Parker is

like, not bad. Yeah, yeah.

Andre Roya, an early performance him he's he's just a young pup,

but amazing. I mentioned two few bus field

already and we were going to go into all this when we do the

casting. Oh, Brian James as this guy,

Detective Eddie Elliot, the guy who played Leon in Blade Runner

and was in Cabin Boy, that guy and who's in the fulfilment, the

guy who fucking hates Hardy and like keeps keeps the one in the

fight him. He's so.

Funny scumbag. He's really he's he's absolute

scumbag. He's in scumbag mode.

I love it. This film's got a lot of total

fucking scumbags in it, which is something I like about it.

I like those that have a stacked deck of Dick heads.

It's. It's it's you wouldn't, I don't

think you'd get a movie made like this these days on this

kind of budget with this kind of like, I don't want to say, yeah,

I'm going to say panache, all right.

Like a movie, a movie that's written by a guy from

Pittsburgh. It's set in Pittsburgh as a

Pittsburgh movie. Like Like now it would be like,

this is the kind of thing that like the what they called the

Russo Brothers would, would, would pump out on Netflix, but

it would be all against like a green screen and it would have

no personality whatsoever, you know, and a couple of stunt

casting choices to tie it together.

It would have that like we had we had Netflix film dialogue

that you've seen now when when people are like start to

describe the things that they're looking at for the benefit of

people who were like watching the film while doing the iron

and have you read about that? Yeah, I have heard about that,

yeah. Crazy isn't it?

How like this like films now when a character will see, oh,

I'm here looking at this beautiful sunset with you and

it's like, wow, this is a radio play man design.

People who were folding clothes while while while listening to

the TV. Now that's disturbing.

It's dummy as I'm of the average attention span of the of the

person these days, isn't it? Yeah, man.

And like Netflix films now you've got like characters like

literally seeing what they're doing while they're doing it for

for the benefit of people who are just, I'm just going to put

this film on while I'm while I'm just unclogging the sink or

whatever. And it's like.

If this is to help people with short attention spans, we're

just one step away from the next level, which is obviously, as we

all know, just every screen wherever we go, split screen and

playing Subway Surfer at the same time.

It's going to be in Netflix shows, it's going to be on the

BBC mic, it's going to be in OPS rooms, it's going to be on the

sonar screen. It's gonna be like a bit in a

Minority Report where he's like trying to run away, but he's

Irish. Just keep getting scanned.

So there's like loads of targeted advertising.

John Anderton, buy these sunglasses.

They'll be like that. But it'll be like, oh.

Shit. Skippity toilet.

Yeah, I keep having flash visions of me being in the OPS

room and it's just Skippity toilet and and Subway Surfer

just popping up on the radar and on the sonar screen.

So just the the Gen Z PO's in front of the screen.

Keep paying attention. I wish you hadn't, said Gen Z's

peers. Because that's so that is a

thing, yeah. I, I know.

I, we, I, I am bossing around. People have been born past 911.

I was about to say the exact same thing.

It's so. Fucking.

Weird. Yeah.

Too soon or Fritz? The ship was on last week.

You were both both born in like 2003, so burst into the cradle

of the global War on Terror. Yeah, it was like, what have

what have, what have, what have I been doing the last two

decades of my entire life? I wasn't even born for the

reason. Dancing, drinking, having a good

time. What Roadhouse?

Roadhouse. I've I've got one question about

about the film. Actually, you've, you've brought

it up earlier. We should talk about the movie.

That's a good idea. The cat Yes, of the.

Cat. Do we think the cat is there as

a sex joke? Oh, because it it's in it

basically apart from like half a second in between, it gets more

scream time twice. Once it's in the beginning when

the cat is in the bed with him and the second time is when he's

going at it with his colleague. It's like a visual, it's like

poetry. It rhymes.

Yes. This this.

So the script for this was definitely written by someone

who has both a cat and a wife. Because I mean, it's cat coded

behaviour that they they do not care about what the human is

doing. They will watch the human and

hang out with them, whatever. That can attest that with.

My 2 cats. I see.

Very, very fair, yes. Yeah, also just just.

Just women and cats in general. Similar behaviour.

Occasionally it's like what are you doing?

You are being a cat right now. Sees this.

Clear and present dudes cancelled.

Yes, success. It has taken me getting off

Twitter and the wider Internet to finally get cancelled for

something I've said publicly. I can't believe it's taken me

this long and I've I've already caused international outro for

our Ministry of Defence and a hoard of random boomers

harassing it and that had no personal consequences for me.

So if a cat joke is how I go, so be it.

I think we need Sanya to give us context here regarding the

Ministry of Defence, the boomer jokes and the frigate meme.

Oh right, tangent. This podcast is now going to be

5 hours. Oh sorry is this is this like an

episode of I really like frigate memes?

Clearly, yes. Welcome to.

This this this week's episode of Man, I Love Frigates.

This week's episodes of MILF. Man, I like frigates.

Or is it a frigate? Or do we just call everything a

frigate that is grey and floats, including a dead pigeon in the

canal. Right, so so.

There is some yes, yes. Obviously.

This is a pigeon. It flies, it deals with the air,

but it is a frigate. I expect it to do anti submarine

warfare right? How do I explain this briefly

without going on a complete wildtangent?

As mentioned before, I am in the German Navy.

The German Navy has a weird habit of basically labelling

every major surface combatant to frigates no matter what it

actually does. Whether it's for air defence,

anti submarine warfare, or just error denial or surveillance or

whatnot. Counter piracy, you name it, we

call it a frigate. This is by everyone in the

Navy's stout opinion, mainly for political reasons, because

calling something a destroyer sounds scary.

It's a warship. It destroys things.

We don't do that here. We've we've done that twice.

Nobody liked it. We don't do it anymore.

So now everything is a frigate. This includes warships with a

tonnage greater than that of an Ali Berg class destroyer or

similar size to a Takhandaroga class cruiser, while having the

same offensive capabilities of an offshore patrol vessel.

Hence I have taken to I think roughly 2 1/2 years ago now

online on Twitter. When I was still on Twitter and

had a surprisingly large following for someone who posts

shitty niche memes, I've taken to taking the piss out of that

very naming habit. Basically going around calling

Death Stars just oversized German frigates Warhammer 40K

Emperor class spaceships. Also clearly just a German

frigate has gone out of proportion and such on this has

gotten a slight cult following online.

Somehow it even made it its way into some defence analysis video

and unfortunately developed quite a life of its own when it

escaped containment. Got into Reddit and several

other platforms and got picked up basically.

But every boomer using Twitter was able to read and to identify

a joke. Which then led to every time the

German Ministry of Defence would make a post related to naval

affairs. The Commons just basically being

50 people going, that's a frigate no matter what what was

happening there. Even the sailor training ship of

the German Navy going abroad was just greeted by 50 people

chanting that's a frigate. NATO posting a picture of an

aircraft carrier. It's just it's a through deck

frigate. The flight OPS, everything is a

frigate. There's got slightly out of

control and actually had a major part in me finally getting rid

of Twitter. Amazing.

Great, great episode. Great.

Every time I showed up somewhere someone would be like, aren't

you the frigate guy? And I was.

I was somewhat close to to ranking the inventory of the

armoury by mouthfeel at that point because I just could not

get rid of it. The frigate guy, you know,

actually it's funny. So it's funny that you mentioned

140,000 spaceships because the sword class frigate from that

game has a mass of approximately 6 megatons and 26,000 crew.

So clearly, in the grim darkness of the 41st Millennium, they

have taken the sanny a Buicks on classifications of frigates, as

in everything is a frigate, and just ran with it.

No, no, clearly no. In in the the 41st Millennium,

the German Navy is still trying to fight pirates of Somalia.

Oh. My God, Brilliant.

There's another great episode of Man I Love Forgets.

Yes. Anyway, back to you, shall we

do? Man, I love fasting.

Next, Mike. I like having a job.

I fucking don't. Going to be a professional

podcaster, baby. You're going to Jack the whole

damn thing in going to talk about boots and Bruce Willis and

cops and leather gloves and young women being killed for

committing the crime of having sex with Bruce Willis

previously. That is exactly what happens in

the movie. So this is what's happening

track. Bruce Willis believes it's a the

Polish Hill killer, the guy who killed his dad, he thinks, and

the whole thing. So he tries to get a hold of

some information about this, goes back to his old horn and is

comforted by Dennis Farina and tells him to back off and stay

out the way. And I think this is roughly

around the time that the whole Justice Sergey so park a bit

gets involved and it's becoming clear that the the killer's onto

Bruce Willis and he's toying with him and he's trying to ruin

his life, right. And it comes up to probably my

favourite scene in the movie, actually.

I'd like to get your opinion on your favourite since the movie.

But my my favourite 1 is early morning I think Hardy and and

Joe are doing patrol on their boat and they see like in an

inlet there's a there's a road bridge and they see a guy

dumping what appears to be a wrapped up body off the side of

the bridge. So they try and chase down the

car from their boats by following it along the road,

which also happens to be along the river shore.

So they which involves like Willis, just like blindly firing

his his like service pistol like into where the car is up the up

the bank through the trees. Just like stop, bang, bang,

bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, stop.

It's the police bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

Every single shot like like like misses.

Stop or I keep shooting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, Nick, you stop right off fire.

There's there's, there's that classic.

And then when that when that runs out, you get he picks up

like is, is marine flare just like stress flare began and like

bumps, that doesn't work. Get another marine fur up bumps

and then fires a flare directly at the car doing some perfect

You'll probably have an opinion about this, but he he leads his

target beautifully and then the the flare like lands in the back

of the car, setting the car ablaze.

The car flips, smashes in the bushes and somehow the driver

gets out, runs away, is unscathed and then and then it

cuts to the the dive in section including Timothy Busfield, his

ex partner, digging like recovering the wrapped carpet,

unrolling it. And it is just like some rocks

wrapped up in the carpet. And and they all laugh at him

because they just assume it was a guy fly tipping suspiciously

in the middle of the night. Great scene, epic and at this

point even I have F. Opinions about gun usage, which

is usually Rory's job. Yeah, but Sanya, please pop off.

This coincides actually with both a random thought I've been

having for years and me having seen a a fitting YouTube video

recently. So I have a concealed carry

permit for guns that can fire flares, blanks and gas or pepper

cartridges. And I've been wondering actually

for a while what a flare fired at someone at close proximity

would do, because it seems a fairly unreasonable thing to

allow someone to conceal carry as I I, I don't know who who's

watching this podcast. If if you look at a flare gun,

basically picture a calibre of a sort of shotgun firing a rather

unprecise, slightly smaller than a golf ball round of burning

ignited phosphorus and something.

Personally, I think being shot with that would be very, very

unpleasant, but I've been wondering for quite a while how

precise that actually is. And I have recently come across

randomly across a YouTube short of someone doing exactly that,

trying to hit the target with a flare gun at a range of roughly

15 to 20 metres. So not not ideal gun fighting

range for, for, for a handgun, but also not that far away and

significantly, significantly closer than than Bruce Willis

does in the film. And that flare is going anywhere

but towards the target because it's, it's got low velocity and,

and massive air drag. So for for him hitting that car

with a flare gun instead of his government issued 9 millimetre

with which I'm assuming he regularly takes to the range to

actually hit things with rather than how you use a flare gun

which is just hold it up and fire it without breaking your

wrist by accident. Seems a bit wild.

Also, I don't know what's what's in in Philly police departments,

emergency flares, but I don't think a flare gun will make a

car explode. So.

He's just built different. Nuclear flare.

My answer is an emergency. I don't know if you've seen the

the documentary Dredge 3D but but I.

Watch an urban Carl Urban blowing up things with flares

documentary. But but a mega city one the

street judges use use hotshot ammunition which is very much

like your flair and I and I think what it does is it causes

the heads to melt a little bit and then catch on fire.

Yeah, yeah, it's like the hot trot, hot trot ammunitions like

it's well it's like a high-powered like incendiary,

isn't it? So it's again century with like

penetrative qualities that goes through body armour and at the

body and purely sets at a hard like so sorry, absolutely sets

it on fire, but also purely sets it a hard it's it's amazing.

I need to watch Dread again. That was so Raji, 25% of our

listenership is American, so that means.

OK, Americans, listen up actually.

So a very, very funny story is that a friend of mine who's

who's Ukrainian took in a couple of Ukrainian refugees a couple

of years ago. And I was drinking with one of

them. And my friend was explaining to

him like, Raji's like Chavez, like, like Travis.

And this guy was, I mean, I was like Gobnicki and he's like, so

Gobnicks, Chavez, Raji's same thing.

I really do appreciate that he can just like blow us through

all his side arm ammunition. And then he's like, right, what

else can I reach out and touch this guy with?

Like you would have felt like the bro who connects probably

like the emergency or something. The best fucking thing is right

that he's a mint shot when the film wants it to be, when he

manages like shoot a gun out of a guy's hand with a shotgun,

when he boards the boards, the the the the yet when he's got

his pistol, which I mean you'd think it's something that he I

mean like I know, like it's a bit of a it's a bit of a sore

spot. Isn't like a lot like him.

The police are meant like qualify fucking once a year on

guns and off not very good shots or whatever.

You see discourse about how police are crap shots because

they've got like just send a few a few downrange and then whoever

qualified. But but it's great how like the

film has him was a really good shot when it needs him to be.

And then when when when he doesn't need to be and he needs

an excuse to switch the flag on all of a sudden he's like just

massively. I mean, in fairness, you know

what and 9 millimetre pistols not going to stop and motor car

anyway. I mean if.

I mean, I guess if you're it. Really depends where, where,

yeah, if you hit the driver or the tyres, but otherwise, yeah,

you know, I mean you could if you had the cooling system.

It's it's going to be breakdown like some place down range, but

it's. Yeah, yeah, just yeah.

And, and I mean, he's, he's, he's got the ability to use a

fucking shotgun without having much time to aim, to shoot.

Hip firing it. He's yeah, yeah, it's hip fire,

but with his sidearm we can't hit the tyres and make it blow

out and make it do a flip and stuff.

And that's, that's, that's probably just because he hadn't

drunk just the right amount of booze that morning.

There's a sweet spot, right? Right, he's going through the

thralls. Or like when you're playing pool

the pub tweaking. There's a sweet spot.

It's like the three, It's like a three to five pint sweet spot,

you know? I mean in fairness he is on a

moving speed boat. Yeah, shooting at a moving

target. With a handgun.

But that, that makes the flare thing even weirder to me, Yeah.

Because that's also a handgun, but it hasn't got a fucking

rifle to barrel. It, it, it's, it's, it's, it's

not only a handgun, it's, it's the worst handgun.

Exactly like. Like it's like.

That's that's like, remember when we went to the range for

clay pigeon shooting? Yeah.

I think the equivalent would be both of us miserably failing and

hitting the the the pigeons with the shotguns and then in a fit

of desperation just throwing a random brick at one and but then

suddenly nailing it. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Like getting angry and like throwing my phone at it or

something. Oh wow.

All of a sudden. This is the the equivalent of

you going shut up you crowd bastard and just lobbing a brick

at it and suddenly hitting it square in the middle.

Yeah, it's, it's wild and and, and, and I mean, fair play Tom

Hardy for his weapons handling. I think like the Pittsburgh

Police Department probably like real had had had a look at its

use of force rules and added flare pistols as like acceptable

use of force. Can you imagine beat cops in

like a city centre getting in a gunfight, expanding the

sidearm's ammunition? It is a weapon of last resort,

opening a fire with fucking flare guns.

Has there been a great fire of Pittsburgh yet?

I mean, given that it's it's the United States and the United

States love to militarise their Police Department, I am amazed

they I'm not pulling up the fast attack craft armed with anti

ship missiles every time there's a gunfight on the river.

The The Great Fire of Pittsburgh was a conflagration in

Pittsburgh which occurred on the 10th of April 1845.

It was sparked by an unattended fire that ignited a nearby ice

shed or barn. It's not yet determined on this

Wikipedia article whether Bruce Willis is the root cause of the

fire. Look to the film The Mate,

starring Bruce Willis was called Fire and Ice.

Oh, oh, oh. Speaking of the the the film

name, they've changed it in German, actually.

Oh, what is it in German? So, so it's, it's, it's a

translation, but not quite the same.

It's in German. It's called lethal proximity,

which sounds it sounds way too descriptive.

Lethal proximity. Lethal proximity, Yeah, and

arrogant ass. You've killed ass.

Pretty much. Yet another callback.

The the the Amazon sub version I can get has German subtitles for

like the the movie things where it says 2 years later and such

and where it says 2 years later in English.

In German it just says Wasser Schwarzpolitzai, which is like

German for for like water protection force.

It's like like the fucking river police or whatnot, which is like

no relation whatever to it being 2 fucking years later.

It's like, no, this is this is about a time stamp.

This is nothing to do with a job description.

I don't. Know what architecture this is?

Insane lunatic behaviour. It's a load bearing caption,

yeah, but exactly that this is that's not.

Communicated anywhere else in the moon, but it's two years

later that that caption is is critical to the decided to go

the movie. Right, this is the opposite of a

closed caption. How the fuck is he in the river

cops? Wasn't the river cops?

It's still 1991, right? This is the day after the

policeman's ball. You know he's a river cops.

Obviously. Side detective.

This is I don't know what's so hard about spy yada speta.

Easy for you to say. Do it, Mike.

Say it. Speak after me, spy.

Spy yada yada. Speta.

Speta see easy. I did.

I did the Duolingo noise. Excellent, now I don't have to

send the green oil to burn down your house in in in Glasgow.

It was fun. OK, so the movie then I think

we've all, it seems like it seems like we've all landed on

that particular scene being our favourite scene of the movie

unless, unless anyone's got any advances.

There are so many great scenes. I really love the scene when

when my top size was character just turns up fucking wasted at

a crime scene and falls down the hill.

I think my favourite one was one of the many arguments, ones

which incidentally greatly chains in with.

What's your favourite quote? I think it's when when when

Bruce Willis is told to go catch a fish.

You alcoholic? Yeah, go catch a fish.

It's like he's still a policeman.

He works in a different department.

I don't, I don't think that's an appropriate way to talk to your

employees or your nephew. Yeah, it's just like.

I love how like the role fucking everyone seems to be related.

Right. This is also insane what what in

the Alabama is happening in film?

Why is everyone family? Yeah.

Oh my God. Right.

Yeah, Because right. So he's cousins.

He's cousins with his part, Yeah.

He's he is a drunk waster. It's 5:00 PM and he's late, but

he's going to show up because if he's a fifth generation

policeman and we're all related here.

He's good police and a sort of wire.

You're all inbred maniacs, clearly.

So, yeah, so he's what? He's cousins with his partner

Jimmy Dasilo and Robert Pastorelli.

He's cousins, therefore, with Tom Sizemore.

He's the nephew of Dennis Rena, the son of John Mahoney.

And then they go to the Policeman's Ball in 1993 and a

whole of a different family we've never seen before.

Go, Tommy, get over here. I was like, this is my cousin

fucking Richie. This is my.

This is my uncle fucking Timothy.

Like, what the fuck? This is everyone's related to

and everyone else at the party is like this is my aorta this

fucking guy that never him showed up here my aorta and

that's another great scene where seismos off his fucking tits as

well. I.

Love it. It's great.

You know, You know, I love as well, though.

It's like when like so the policeman's ball, he's taken,

he's taken Sarah Jessica Parker, he's seen Crispin the ball and

the guy was like, oh, that's your part, I don't fuck her.

And what does he do? But very nice.

Yeah, but but it's like it leans too far into the police in the

city are all very interrelated, codependent quote unquote scare

quotes, incestuous meaning that like obviously there's a strong

connections between them and stuff and it makes it look like

just like a fucking hobbit's garden party, doesn't it just.

The the police ball is just happening at your mum's.

It is it's my mom's garden party, which by the way, this is

going to date. The show is like next weekend.

Will the oh. For fact's sake, yeah.

I mean, you're going to be missing me again.

Well, Can you imagine? Just get on a frigate and fly

here, man. I'm.

Sorry, I was just thinking like, just imagine Dennis Reuna

standing up in front of everyone at the Policeman's Ball, like

hello Hardy's dotellos. Proud foots, proud feet, police

commissioners. I like.

Her. Going to the 11th T first ball,

I know half of you move twice as much as I should like him.

Fucking Gandalf turns up, but he's like, I have a first

generation wizard. Hey, who's this guy?

Get him out of here. He ain't got a match.

The the police commissioner just just going like, I don't know,

half of you are half as well as I should like and I like half

and half of you as half as you deserve.

Everyone's just drunk and confused and he does not while

handing out awards for something.

It's day in the air better than Christmas.

OK, listen up, listen up. I got the award for drunk as

cop. It's corner going to Patrick O

Murphy son the drunk Irish cop stereotype.

OK, OK, I got I got an award for the most corrupt asshole is

going to Jimmy the bitch. Lobelia stole my fucking service

weapon again. Fucking hell.

Oh my God. There's no like mob corruption,

there's no mob connections. There's no like organised crime

in this movie as well, which I thought was really surprising.

Like when I saw this movie and I was going to watch it, I assumed

for more for me that this would be like either like an internal

affairs corruption movie like The Departed or something, or

like a mob connection kind of standard boilerplate like thing.

And it's actually, it's not again, it's a bit like Magnum

Force kind of. And that is like, it's one crazy

cop killing other cops and women.

Yeah. The.

The only internal affairs happening inside the internal

investigator. Yeah, Yeah.

Here you go. Cancel the game.

Because of course, we find out that Joe Chrisman's real name is

Emily Harper, and she's a state trooper.

So you know, Mr State Trooper? State's got me.

If he's a state trooper, where is the sunglasses and a weird

fucking hat? She's wearing a.

Sucking hat she does not. She does not look racist enough

for a state trooper in that film.

You know what's wild though? All of these cops know each

other, right? Like fucking into.

They they, they act like there's like 4 of them.

Yeah, and and like none of them is like, oh, that's that's

that's that's that's that's your partner Hassan Swan.

You're working with the staties, you know, like what?

Like, you know, the team deal with someone from another agency

now it's like I think they would have they would have let the

record show I did the kind of hands of the air thing someone

would have twigged. I mean, right, because, like,

this is because, because it makes it clear that everyone

knows everyone and you know, and yeah.

Nobody knows. The model turned actually

stereotypical Barker. Yeah, the hot, the hot young

blonde cop who's who last week was, let's say a trooper working

for internal affairs and this week is somehow on the river.

Maybe they just assume that she's like, she's she's also

fucked around and found out. And it's it's also been devoted.

It's really for a duty. But no, because she was working

under a different name, Christmas Song.

Right. That's right.

Like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like it's revealed. If I come in as as Lieutenant

Miller tomorrow, no one's going to be knowing it's me.

What's the mid name of Kathy Ryan?

Let's see, yeah. I am not I am not Sonja Jackson.

I am actually ban. You're searched an entirely

different man and I've never been here before.

But in fairness, I, I've just thought I've taken issue with

everyone knowing everyone. But I, I don't know how how you

feel about this, Mike, but being in the Navy and having deal with

internationals, everyone sort of knows everyone loosely.

Like we both know Colin Barnard. I have met a dozen people who,

who, who, who, who know Colin somehow through different

postings and other jobs. And I've met my former division

CEO twice last month who should be in Norfolk right now, who

you've met at the, at the fucking annex in, in Bahrain.

Yeah. So, so this place is in fact a

very small town, even though we we're both from different navies

all together. But so I think the Police

Department is probably worse than that.

Everyone has seen everyone somewhere at some point, but

probably has no real idea who they are and what they actually

do. So I had a friend on my on my

mum. Of course, we had one guy from

the New Zealand Navy and then I bumped into him in Bahrain like

a couple of like about two years ago.

Just just randomly. He's like, what the fuck?

Like, I don't even know you guys were going this far.

I don't know. What the fuck?

I've had, three years later, had a guy randomly on the same train

as me. It's like, oh, hi, Sarah.

I was like, where do I know you from rattling off lists of

ships? And it's like, oh.

My God, how many of them were? You.

Yeah, you remember that? What the fuck is wrong with you?

It was a weird. Well, I mean, I, I, I think we

all know something's not right with most of us in this podcast.

We should just start the podcast with hello fellow artists at

this point probably. Yeah, so where were we at on the

movie? We'll talk about scenes you've

enjoyed now, said. I loved the one when Thomas

Sizemore turns up just fuck faced and then that kind of just

segued neatly and was talking about the Policeman's ball,

which I love how they just like filmed in a park rather than an

actual like venue. I found that kind of strange

because he wouldn't. I mean, the Policeman's ball is

going to be, it's going to kind of like, I mean, what?

What do you mean? What?

What isn't? What isn't the whole like

tickets, the policeman's ball? A joke about bribing people

anyway, right. I'm like the whole policeman's

ball. It's like a joke with

corruption. Oh, oh, you're under arrest for

speeding and, and, and you're drunk as fuck and there's a

naked girl in the back of the car and the thing you're

transporting her across state lines up.

There's 100 bucks tickets to the policeman's ball.

Awesome. You may go, Sir.

Although. She's she's been on the

policeman's ball. Sounds very fucking wrong.

It does, doesn't it? But so there's an actual

policeman's ball and it's just in fucking garden somewhere.

Why does he only have one that's in a?

Park and it's and it's like. What are you doing like?

A grassy hill is probably like the the least ideal place to

have a dance off. Yeah, it's.

Like dancing is the main thing you're supposed to be apart from

drinking at a ball. So like what?

What are they doing out there? Yeah, it is a good place to have

a fight scene. I like how they said quite a bit

of blood when that guy gets punched in the face as well.

Yeah, Eddie Elliott, who Wick Wikipedia describes as a loud

rude of a zealous detective who despises Tommy.

Yeah. He can also be described as

being in scumbag mode, because he really is.

He's so funny. So so the the ends part of the

movie I suppose is right. The killer now is actively

trying to frame Tom Hardy for the murders by having obviously

obviously the connection to him is the one thing that's time

altogether. So it looks like he's just

killing ex girlfriends. The urn kill the female

dispatcher from the river rescue and dumpers dump a body like

immediately outside of his houseboat.

That's right. Oh, by the way, her.

Name is giving me JK Rowling levels of writing.

Like this chick looks Asian. We're going to name her Kim Lee.

Oh yeah, yeah. It's like, what are you guys

doing? You didn't even try.

You didn't try. Yeah.

Oh, Jesus. Fucking Christ.

I'm not going to a voice. And then so then Tom, there's a

bit here which I thought when I first saw it, I was like, oh,

this is a bit of interesting production design.

So he's trying to rack his brain about who could possibly be and

he looks at a picture hanging up inside of his houseboat of a

cabin that his dad used to own when they were kids, kind of

thing that used to go to for some of the holders.

Because he's thinking like, well, right, Where's he taking

these girls? He's killing somewhere else.

He's got to take them somewhere where he can dump them.

That's near the river wears like that.

Oh, the cabin is to spend all my childhood time at.

So it zooms in on a photograph of the cabin and it has like, I

forgot the name. It says like Vince's cabin or

something like that on, on the sign zooms in on that.

And then it zooms back out. Like now it flips the colour and

it's like a smash cut to the actual location, but it looks

patently false because like the sign is in the exact same

condition because it was obviously made like a week ago

and photographed a week ago and like the and like the

intervening 30 years have not taken place.

And I was like, OK, that's. When when you're talking about

like kind of storytelling through the photographs in his

house. But I thought we're going to

mention the fact that the photograph of his ex for some

reason is fucking autographed. That's right.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Oh my God. Do you not ask Emma to to

autograph photos you take off her?

Absolutely constantly. I do it just to prove that I've

actually got a wife because people are like Rory.

You've got a podcast, man. You've got a podcast and you can

quote the ship dimensions from warmer 40,000.

How the fuck you married say autograph look.

Real, real. She exists.

She's just from another podcast from Canada.

I'm in love and you're not. My real wife is really hot.

Etcetera. Yeah.

My my girlfriend is in a different division.

You don't know her. My girlfriend's in the state

police. You don't know her.

My my my girlfriend is a state trooper from a different state.

From a different. State, she's from Nebraska.

That's so good. Yeah, that's right.

She's she's from Montana. I just wanted to see her.

No, you're absolutely right. He's got a, he's got a, an

autograph photograph of his girlfriend, Cheryl Putman.

Who, who? Who wouldn't go up to your nurse

girlfriend and ask for a autograph?

I mean, it's like, what the fuck?

Like a dedication or something. But nobody would write that on

the back, wouldn't you? On a smaller picture you could

put in your wallet, you wouldn't like frame it and be like, happy

birthday darling, it's a signed picture of me and you like.

Yours in Christ. Yeah, Oh my God, Pretty well.

He has a big, he has a big cop wall as well of like just all

these handy pictures of cops. That's great.

That's, that's brilliant because he's like a 97th generation of

cop. Like is like, like, like his

ancestors like patrol the streets of Byzantium, you know

what I mean? My great, great, great great

great great great grandfather was a was a Byzantium boat cop.

He served on the police galleon Bosphorus.

One of his, one of his, one of his ancestors planted weed on

Richard the Lionheart when he did a traffic stop.

Well, Mr Mr. King Richard, what do we have here?

A little baggy of the good Kush. OK, Mr Mr. King, returning from

a business trip to Jerusalem. So how did you cross the

Mediterranean exactly? I've got reason to believe that

you're Omar Bakshi, leader of leader of Hezbollah.

You're under rest. Ace fucking case agents come and

take him away. Jesus fucking.

Christ shot him with a crossbow because he thought he was

pulling a dagger. Yeah, it's like, and they've got

a dagger that can conveniently drop it.

It's like body and it's got like and it's got the makers like

kind of Hallmark scratched off just the kind of anonymize it,

you know? It's just pulling out this

little letter of protection from the king role.

It's it's got a weapon. It's 50 crossbow bolts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you saw that.

You saw that, right? It's coming right for me, you.

See, you see, he had a gun. We all saw that, right?

Let's go down in the cop bar. Right, Sir, Put your hands on

the head of your horn. Get out of the saddle slowly.

Rock your fingers. I can't wear in neutral male

fucking gloves. I'm covered in armour my fingers

wouldn't unlock. Take off the chest plate.

Fucking like cool cool whole YouTube videos.

How to How to How to tell the road warden that you're carrying

a concealed crossbow? Hands loosely on his reins, on

his horse's head. Like Warden, I have a bollocks

dagger in the back of my pants. I am going to remove it slowly

using my left hand and immediately gets hit by like 15

potkin point arrows. He's.

Resisting fucking hell. This is all getting like.

This is what happens the first time we do a fucking cop film.

Jesus. This is like all getting related

back, back to like an audience of people in an Amphitheatre by

like a single actor and a guy with a loop going like bad boys,

bad boys. It's like, oh really, He did.

What they gonna do? Concealed weapon.

And honourably, the police did slay him.

Vile men, vile men. Pretty.

Now, vile men, vile. Men, vile brethren, what will

thou do if the Constabulary catches up to the.

Excise men will give you no break.

Rude Wardens will give you no break.

The witch smiley purse movement will give you no break.

The Kingsmen give you no break. Vile names.

Vile names with a wrought. Now we should do police films

more often. This is fucking hilarious.

Speaking of, did you know that that that police is actually

related to, to a Latinized Greek term just loose just basically

meaning policy and a policy in in German.

We had this thing in in the Middle Ages called good police,

which was governed policy on public behaviour.

Oh my God. The Wire.

Good police. From that we actually get the

the, the, the word police now. So nowadays it just means a

policeman who goes get bad guys, but he also does drink and fuck

people. Yes, obviously.

Fuck. Yeah, good police.

Amazing. This is brilliant.

So Tom Hardy, played by Bruce Willis, makes it gets into this

cabin right where he discovers to his horror that Sarah Jessica

Parker and Thomas Sizemore have been kidnapped.

And he But he finds this out because he gets there and he

gets tased by the bad guy. I should have mentioned the guy.

The bad guy loves the Taser and and he wakes up and he's like,

oh, but if you're here and I'm here and you're here, then who's

the guy Who's all this? And lo and behold, it's the,

it's the big reveal that it's his ex partner, Jimmy Dezello,

who's loopy and just comes back and does this loopy stuff for

the whole rest of the movie. And I love it, bro.

Who's the best cop? Who's the best cop now?

Who's the best? I'm the best cop now I kill all

those women you didn't know. Now I'm telling you because I'm

the best cop. I'm ruining your life from the

best cop. You're my own brother.

I'm the best cop. He's going to kill his own

brother. A cop.

The best cop? On what scale?

I mean he's certainly the best cop when it comes from surviving

massive falls into the river that would kill you, yet also

drowning by just sort of giving up being alive.

Yeah, he he would have like broken his femurs like at least

four Times Now. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I mean, there's that like horrifying thing with that kind

of people who like jump off bridges and stuff or sometimes

like, like they get like what they're called plugged one leg

that like feet and legs get like just driven deep in like the

riverbed, like they're still alive.

And imagine just like fucking drowning with your legs broken

and you know, your plug, dude. It's terrific.

We was talking about at work today.

So what? Yeah, we're talking about your

work meetings. Differential very much from

ours. Yeah, so, so there's a there's a

big waterfall at the top end of Lot Lomond and it's really sad

story. It's a really sad story.

But like by a long, a long time ago.

It's somewhere near Duck Bay. And one guy jumped off it, hit

the bottom and got plugged underneath.

But he also banged his head in the way down.

Took 12 hours before they recovered his body.

Really sad story. But but that just started a

cascade of like other grim stories of like that that that

thing that were going on all this is like about 6:30 this

morning, like just right into it.

Like I work a bit, but course 5 driven to work.

And then, Mary, am I drinking my coffee?

I'll be talking about like the most horrible imaginable death

you can imagine. But yeah, plugging was one of

them. So someone jumping off a Cliff

into the organ, just as you described, because it was like a

sandy bottom and the wall and the wall wasn't deep enough.

They hit the bottom, their feet went in, drove in, and then

they're stuck there, unable to pull themselves at the mud, and

then they drown. And that's really grim.

I am definitely going to be thinking about this the next

time I am at Loch Lomond. Yeah, man.

Yeah. Think about it.

All the next time you get intrusive thoughts while on a

bridge. Yeah.

Oh yeah, we've all done that, Yeah.

Who hasn't? Sudden the bridge bringing the

ship and thought I could just jump off now and see what

happens. I've never done it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough.

It happens a bit of a light. I I I keep wondering how far

backwards towards the bridge you could theoretically rotate the

turret? Oh yeah, there'll, there'll be

a, there'll be a stop on that. It would mechanically.

Fun fact, yes there is one. I know one story that failed.

Oh my God. Not ship sent a training round

through its bridge wing. Yeah, there's no such.

I mean, there's obviously a training round, but but.

Yeah, I would not. Want training practise?

Tracer is still something that would kill you orally, yeah.

I would not want to be the gunnery officer having to

explain that to the CEO afterwards like no thank you.

What do you mean you shut your own bridge?

Thank you. I think the sounds of the round

going would be enough to be like that.

Wasn't going to. Happen.

Yeah, right. Just like rotating the turret to

point it directly in the bridge and shouting who's the best

officer, who's the best sailor, who's the best sailor?

My navigational qualifications. So this scene is nuts.

Zoo. He's basically doing that.

Who who's the best cop? Who's the best cop?

And then Dennis Farina comes in, his dad and his dad and who we

fought the entire time as an asshole kind of sees.

And maybe it's only because his other son is there.

It held a good point as well. Maybe.

But he pulls a gun and he and he shoots Jimmy and you think, oh,

that's it. Jimmy's been shot.

He's on the floor. He delivers a hilarious line,

I'm going to say for best quote, but brilliant.

All his lines should be in best quote.

But yeah, police survives. And then I don't know why they

didn't do this earlier, but now being tied to a chair isn't a

problem anymore. And both everybody gets up and

starts flashing themselves around and and Bruce Willis gets

free. He's still got the handcuffs on.

But the police have all come. They've rid of the place that

the word got out somehow. So all the PDPPPD all arrives

and they're trying to catch the guy, but Jimmy gets away.

He's on a boat. He zooms away.

Tom gets onto the river rescue crafts.

He's still got the handcuffs on and he's trying to get Timothy

Busfield to take them off and he's going to, but he's taken

too long. So he's like, oh, fuck this.

So he he does that thing again, wangs on the the, the, the, the,

the, the leavers ahead and knocks Timothy Busfield off the

back of the boat for the second time of the movie.

That's a good call back. I like that one.

And then that's a call back to my comment about callbacks

earlier. And then there's a boat chase,

which the movie tries really hard to look to make look

exciting, but it kind of, it's kind of just a boat chase.

It's like it's it's two cars travelling at 20 miles an hour,

but they're on the water instead.

So actually coming up to that scene, you've skipped one part.

Oh yeah, go ahead. The the bit where Bruce Willis

jumps out of the window and is being followed by the killer and

he's been shot at while underwater.

And Rory, I would like your opinion on the water penetrating

kinetic capacities of soft point bullets.

It's I mean. Because from what I've seen even

50 car goes Nope I'm not doing this after like half of them.

Like it's not super believable, I guess, is it?

And it's but it's wild. It's again, it's the case of, I

guess the case of people in this film are really good shots when

they have to be and really bad shots when they have to be as

well. It's great.

I love it. That's very good.

It's a lot like that, Yeah. I like that bit where it just

keeps shooting the water and then just suddenly starts

shooting the words he's standing on because he thinks he might be

under there. And then he picks the exact

right spot to miss Bruce Willis by like 5 centimetres.

That's just not. That's a weird choice again.

The ability of people in this film to be vastly good at

shooting the lead being bad at shooting the lead base.

Great. Say, kid, Imagine if that

happened in The Untouchables and that one particular scene in the

gunfight on the stairs at the station when there's that one

lad on the team who was a really good shot and like Elliot Ness

is like, you got him. So yeah, it's like take him.

But instead of Doorman, that guy, he like just he like just

misses wildly and like shoots that kid that was in the baby

Tara. Just.

I guess it's the point of the film, but I have a terrible

fucking shot. If he puts his diaper, you put

one of his on the bog. If he gets colicky, you put two

of us teddy bears in the oven. That's the Chicago way are.

You serious about get him, Capone?

That's the Chicago way we shoot our children here.

Makes them tougher. Chicago Baby.

Yeah I am. I am going to.

This is part of my specialised training as a warfare officer.

I am going to start to build a immunity against anti ship

ballistic missiles. I've started building this by

repeatedly shooting myself with small calibre rounds.

I've now worked myself up to 9 millimetre.

Next I will be evolving from handguns to rifles.

What? I'm done with rivals, I will

evolve to tower it and then small missiles.

What? They do if Micro disc himself to

build by tolerance to C802's. You know something else that has

just struck me again while it's running in the background?

Why does this guy show up in his fucking dress uniform?

Because he loves it. He loves it.

He's the best cop. He's the best cop.

He's the most. He's the most.

Smartly turned up cop. Yeah, and he was.

And he wants everybody to be. The policeman's poor.

Right, but, but, but like where does?

Where did you get that from? He is a cop.

He has. He is a cop.

He's yeah. If that works like the military,

he's probably got like one of those.

And he used like to jump into the fucking filthy river and

he's probably been ruined. So this man went out of his way

to get a new pristine dress uniform.

Yeah, maybe. But do you?

Do you? Do you get in your number once

when you're upset with someone at work?

Well, I'm normally officer of the day when I'm remember 1, so

I probably am upset with somebody.

It's fair enough. Oh God, they're going to do that

to me next month. You know what though, is it?

Is it actually some kind of a police dress uniform that as

well? Or was it just like a very like

formal like night these kind of like police uniform?

Because I mean, there was a time when American police didn't look

like they're about, you know, go go in the battle against aliens

on LV46. I mean, at one point they were

just quite like formally, formally dressed people with a

dress code that was a little bit Central European circa 1939 ish,

you know, you. Fair enough, but I'm assuming

it's the dress uniform because Bruce Willis is running around

in polos all day so they have some some and there's other boat

cops who've got stripes on their arms like they were naval dress

uniforms. They they do have a difference

between a dress rig and a formal uniform.

Well, Bruce Willis is dressed like that because he's a rat on

the river where he belongs. But but you guys seen the

pictures of the New York like waste disposal sewage guys who

when they get really senior. Get dressed up as generals.

Yeah, so when they get really senior, the way these are green

uniforms with the the, the piping and the the Laurel leaves

and the medals, everything. It's cool.

There's like a waste management dudes with like the proper trust

uniforms and shit. It's mint.

Those guys rule. And like the like the these like

chest falls of metal. There's like metals that are

related to the service on dying level and stuff.

What absolute fucking charts, you know, Yeah.

That's awesome. I love those dudes.

Yeah, yeah, I want, I want to have loud beers with those guys

been. Watching guys, I've been

watching a lot of Chicago Fire on on TV at the moment.

Me and me and Felicia are going through the whole series and

eventually we're going to end up going up to Chicago PD and

Chicago Med maybe. But fucking love those guys.

You know, there's a reason why. And we didn't have a song called

Fuck the Fire Department, you know.

But anyway, where we're at is we Jimmy Tutelo and Tom Hardy are

having a boat chase. They do a big jump off like a

Weir kind of damn looking thing. Bit of bit of bit of bit of hard

engineering flood control stuff perhaps, Maybe water power, who

knows. And they have a fight in the

water. Did anyone notice at this point?

It took me watching a YouTube video about it actually, which I

might put in the show notes to describe it.

But during that fight scene, this must be part of like the

the LA reshoots later, because during this time Bruce Willis

was also filming Pulp Fiction. And for that movie, he has a

shaved head as he plays Butch the boxer.

And in this he obviously has that kind of Frasier circa

season 1 kind of hairdo. And during during this fight,

like one of the hair pieces got on for that comes clean off.

So he's in the water having a fist fight with with Jimmy

Tasillo. And he has like a bald head at

one point, which I had only caught on a on a rewatch.

And then and then have the big final competic fight.

Oh, I've missed a cool bit where they're on like a rail bridge

and having a fight in front of a train as well.

Oh, Jesus, right, right. This entire 15 minutes.

It should be like a whole blow by blow kind of thing.

So like, it's insane. So they start in the house, they

get on a boat, they have a boot chase.

He pops up his boat Jimmy on like a bank.

They run up onto like a rail bridge.

They're having a fight on the rail bridge and it looks like

they've tussles. It looks like a bit like in a

matrix. It looks like Bruce Willis is

like lobbed the guy in front of a train that's approaching.

So you think, oh, he's been hit by that train because it cuts

away at the official moment. Like you think, oh, that's him

done. And then the train clears And

then you see like a big this is like Jelly was fucked big shot

of like Jimmy running towards the camera like, yeah, that's

cool as fuck. And then he grabs them.

They have a bit of a tussle on the side of the bridge.

They booth into the into the river again and then they're

fighting in the river and that's when Bruce Willis wig comes off

big tussle. And then again you see a shot of

like Jimmy like drowning. You see like the bubbles coming

out of his face. He's like sinking down.

You think, all right, OK, that's another death.

He's definitely dead this time. That's we've already had one

fake out. He's got to be dead this time.

And again, he just comes back. That's brilliant.

That's class. And he comes back and he's got

the Taser, which is like a signature weapon.

And then you get this really gory bit where, oh, yeah, where

Tom Hardy is like, I'm the best cop.

And then he shoves the, he shoves the Taser into his mouth.

He sees horrible bit of like, and everyone's like, Oh my

feelings. Oh my God, that'd be horrible.

And then that. Kills him.

Imagine being killed. It's horrible to use a Taser on

someone while you're in the water with them.

Risky. I don't even.

I don't even know if that would work.

Also this is very autistic but I take issue with the train scene

go on like fighting in front of oncoming trains is like a thing

that happens every now and then in action movies which is fine.

What Panther The Matrix? Right.

You know, you'd think the driver would hit the fucking brakes or

something, but not once and once again, never Do you hear the

train stop? I was just right.

There's these guys trying to kill each other in front of me.

I'm just going to honk at them and keep driving no matter what.

Oh yes, there's only got anyone got some popcorn?

This is going to make for some exceptional rec room talk when I

get. Back.

Pittsburgh's built different man.

I'm driving a train here, man Galloway.

He's on. He's on a very strict schedule.

So I do not have time for this today.

Yeah, it's like I know that day with a bold cop and a fucking

supernaturally fucking bounce backable gaol killer fighting in

front of my train. Fuck it, throttle forward, eyes

closed. I have got grains to deliver my

man Donuts. Yeah, it's like baby, this

night, trains not stopping for anybody.

I don't care for the best cop. I don't care if you're the best

cop, personally, I am the best train driver and this train does

not stop. Again, N.W.A never did a song

called Fuck the Train Drivers so.

The trains made for driving. Yes.

It's going to drive all up for you.

So this is dude is dead. I think we can reasonably say

that Tom Hardy has gone beyond the excessive force required to

subdue this particular person, but nevertheless, he gets

reinstated as a as a detective. He meets up with Emily.

Now, is her actual name Emily? Yeah.

And she also happens to have a four year old daughter that she

mentioned right after they had sex.

So. That's an odd thing to do

anyway. So the three, yes, so the three

of them, I know it's like Jesus Christ, she's like, I know this

isn't serious or anything, but just so you know, I've got an

ex-husband and a four year old daughter.

Anyway, do you want to do it again?

So. So how are you Want kids?

I don't know if you know this about me, but I live in a

houseboat, so clearly I'm a fucked boy.

What the fuck? Anyway, the three of them go and

visit John Mahoney's grave, Vince Hardy.

And then he just says to the grave.

He goes to there, he looks at the ref and goes grandkids.

And then that's the movie. That's the last thing you hear

in the movie grandkids like that's it because it's the one

thing he's dad really wanted to have his grandkids, but he's

not. So he's not the stepdad.

He's the dad who stepped up but to this kid.

And that's that's the end of the movie.

So the moral of the movie is it's OK to kill your best friend

and partner if he's a bit crazy. If he's a bit crazy, yeah.

But my, my, my take away from this is that so at the start of

the movie, all the cops hated him because he he ride on his

partner. At the end of the movie, all the

cops probably still hit him because he's shagging someone

from internal affairs. Should we should we do some

categories? Should we take a little break

and then do some categories? Yeah.

Yeah, take a little break. I'll play some Jello influenced

music and then we'll go into go into some categories.

OK, welcome back. Just do some categories.

The first one is casting black guys and that ladies.

So there's not too much information about this, but one

interesting thing I did find was that the Tom Hardy role was

originally written for Ed Harris and then rewritten for Robert De

Niro, which would be really cool, and then finally rewritten

for a third time when Bruce Willis was cast in the role.

But I love the idea of a Robert De Niro version of this movie.

Yeah, yeah. I blew it.

I was a proper homicide cop and now I'm a bull cop and I blew

it. Just Copland, Drew.

Yeah, well, yeah, absolutely. De Niro would have been so

fucking good in this film. Man, weird though, like all the

humour would have been like so different, like good of hit,

like that weird register that he has when he does comedy, like

just general facts. And about the casting.

If we've got John Mahoney, I've mentioned a couple of times was

in this and the movie in the Line of Fire with Clint Eastwood

the same year, and it's also the year that he started in Fraser

as well. Bob the Cat played himself gets

his own credit. Ryan James we've talked about

already Leon and Blade Runner and the fifth film.

And so if you bust Fields, I don't know if he's maybe like a

that guy or not, but he's the cynical brother-in-law to Kevin

Costner in Field of Dreams. He keeps trying to tell him to

sell the like, plough over the the diamond and make it back

into farmland again. Yeah.

And he's also plays Danny Kincannon in The West Wing,

who's the reporter who has the thing for CJ Craig.

And crucially, he's Poindexter in Revenge of the Nerds.

Oh my God, holy fucked mad I think.

I think. I think John Mahoney is just an

all timer as like trustworthy cop right?

I mean. Does he play a bent cop in Is it

primal fear? Is he a bent cop in that there's

something where he's a bit sinister?

Holy shit I might fucked up here John.

No, but he's really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In the line of fireplace. Secret Service Director Sam

Campania. Striking distance symbiote

Captain Vince Hardy, Primal Fear.

John Shaughnessy. Yeah, I think he's, I think he's

sinister in that I think we remember he's in something

called The Russia House with Sean Connery in 1990, which is

almost certainly going to be on this list for our movies.

He's the state's attorney. He's the state's attorney in

primal fear. Yeah, he's very good at some

kind of law adjacent guy. Although although he was

revealed as a as as as a dirty cop in Fraser, wasn't he the

episode when he's like, and yes, I lied.

I said I'd read him his rights. Yeah, man, Big one Marty.

Marty Crane broke my heart. Let us down, man.

Let us. Down.

It's not so black and white out there on the main streets

though. Dude, and on the main streets of

Seattle, it's really not the black and.

White 1. I mean, if John Mahoney, if John

Mahoney is in a situation where he has to do that, then maybe

that's all right. If it was someone like, I don't

know, Jake Gyllenhaal and watch, I'm not into that.

That's bad. He should have his body hang on

and he should be doing his job properly.

But John Maroney, on the other hand, is such an adorable, great

old man. Maybe he's all right.

John Mahoney's character, if he was still in service, he would

have he would have been an early adopter of body cams.

Like I actually want two of them to make sure my arrests perfect.

Final casting bit Roscoe Orman. There's a character called Sid.

I couldn't figure out where he was in this movie.

Oh no, sorry. It's his boss at the at the

River patrol guy. Right.

Yeah, that guy, Roscoe Orman, Sid, he's Gordon in Sesame

Street. Look, yeah, that's wild.

That's amazing. Yeah.

I didn't picture it first. And then I then I looked it up

and I was like that guy. Yeah.

Oh. Shit, that's a true that guy.

That's amazing. Yeah, so that's a good bit of

casting quotes, right? This movie is eminently

quotable. So quotes of the movie.

OK, I've got a million. Let's let's just let's just get

into them. What?

What are yours? Go catch a fish.

Go catch a fish. So, Tom Sizemore, I do not

tangle with lizards no more? No.

Back in the day, sure I would have indulged.

How I would have let you turn me into fish cheese.

I would have let you make me make me into a mailbox just to

open the slot and put whatever you want inside.

That's a line from Tom Sizemore's appearance saying

it's all of a sunny in Philadelphia.

But it always appears in my head whenever I say Tom Sizemore in

anything because it's one of the funniest things that human

beings ever said. Not no more.

I got a wife now, so I will not suck you and I will not be

sucked on by you. OK, that's it.

So yeah, basically that that that pops in my head whenever I

see Tom Sizemore perform. I think he's brilliant.

One of my favourite quotes is the whole there's no old Italian

saying, says the tiller never scald your tongue in another

man's soup. Tom Hardy's response, Yeah,

there's no Irish saying. Don't listen to old Italian

sayings. So fucking police.

I love it. And just died.

Atillo's explanation to how California was Yes, Simpsons are

on an hour earlier, yeah. That's so good.

So like Deadpool when he says it as well.

Yeah, I've said by a favourite, Dennis Rudo on where they've

made the barricade at the opening.

It's like, is this the policeman's ball?

So funny. And then my favourite Jimmy

Tazzillo 1 is when he's just been shot in the chest by his

own father. He's lying on the floor bling

and he goes, You shot your own son.

There goes the gold watch and. And and and and.

It's like bulletproof. All the proof vest I'm the best

cop. I'm wearing a bulletproof vest.

I'm. The best cop, it's like, it's

amazing. It's so good, man.

Yeah, but I prove vest I'm the best cop.

It's like, oh, no reverse card. So when when Tom Hardy says to

Crispin, I've never had a female partner in Crispin response,

neither have I, which is her saying I'm attracted to men and

available for the ride. Almost everything that detail

the killer says is just quotable.

When he's shrieking about how his mom went in the river too,

Mom went in the river too, and all that.

And it's like, that's something that feels like there was a

subplot that was cut out of the film, right?

Yeah, it's implied that maybe, maybe his dad or maybe him when

he was a child and he was like mentally disturbed, maybe he's

responsible for his mum's death or something like that, but it's

just not in there at all. I think it's like Dennis

Farino's character comes off as able to redeem himself at the

end of the film despite being a bit corrupt.

And I think if the fully leaned and what's kind of inferred that

to me, it kind of suggests that it was hinting that Dennis

Farino's character killed his own wife.

I think if if they'd made more of that as redemption wouldn't

have mattered and wouldn't have been their successful real

redemption, would it? Because I mean, he still sucks

ass as a person. Doesn't sit right that they'd be

like, shaking hands at the end of the movie kind of thing.

Like welcome back on the job kind of thing.

Yeah, it'd be like, you'd be like, you'd have to, you'd have

to like die nobly and then get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, basically most of the shit that Tom Sizemore comes out

with. That's gold.

He's like, he's like falling down the hill.

He's like we're going to dinner tonight.

What do you like? You want meatballs?

Like meatballs? I'm inviting.

I'm inviting Tommy to dinner tonight.

What are you talking about? I'm inviting Tommy to dinner.

It's like he's like, fuck off, child.

Wait in the car like there is. Actually you've hit something

there because there is this like kind of like, I guess like a

kind of late 124 theme of childishness being child, like

the women are being killed at the the the kind of shack that

they hung out as children. The whole who's the best cop?

Who's the best cop things quite it's quite infantile.

And yeah, they've got yeah, toy cop cars quite infantile again.

And these are the weird, kind of the weird off hill, shallow

aspects of it. Like there's a trio of men in

this who are kind of in various stages of permanent fucking

childhood. Bruce Willis's character gets

away with shit nobody else would, as if he's like some kind

of a favourite son. TomTom Sizemore's character is

obviously really immature, probably because he's fucking

wasted the whole time. And of course, you know, the

teller, the killer is, well, he's, he's, he's the guy

shrieking about being the best cop.

He's the guy with a toy car. He's, he's truly the most

childish of them. And that's one of the things

that really makes this film, I think kind of pop a little bit

and really shine that it's got these kind of almost highbrow

kind of themes in it and just surrounded by the most fucking

lowbrow shit. And that's jello, baby.

That's Jello. That which takes us nicely onto

the needle drops. Yes. 3 identifiable needle drops

in this movie, at least so I've I've highlighted.

So number one, it's got to be the Little Red Riding Hood song

by Ronald Blackwell that keeps playing every time the killer

does a killing. It's played like diegetically in

the scenes. He puts it on on like a cassette

tape player or something. And he's listening to it when

he's driving the car as well. And he's he keeps slinging it

down the phone to Bruce Willis. It's a cool little number,

soubly eerie and a bit weird. It's awesome.

There's a couple of other tracks on the on the movie as well.

There's one called Feel Like a Number by Bob Seger, which found

a kind of 80s power. What kind of thing going on

there? There's Bob Seger in it.

He's a He's a working nice alternative to Bruce

Springsteen, isn't? He It's like the Poundland

version of Bruce Springsteen, world version of Bruce Place

team. And there's another one, which

is called walk right now by two die four.

That's the numeral 2, the numeral 4.

IMDb trivia. Yes, trivia.

OK, right guys. So here's my my IMDb research on

this movie. There's quite a lot of talk on

there about the the sort of triple production of the movie,

but there's a few funny bits hidden amongst all that.

So one just general trivia. You can track who the killer is

pretty early by watching out for all the leather gloves when you

see him in the opening titles. So you can tell pretty much

straight away that you see the gloves at the beginning.

You see the gloves driving the car during the chase scene.

You also see Robert Pastorelli. He's pretty much wearing the

gloves like 99% of the time. So there's a scene where you see

him like obviously when he's about to jump and stuff, I'm not

sure he has them on there, but he has them on over bits so we

can see him. The funny thing about this

though is that Robert Pastorelli, who played Jimmy

Dasilo, also blurred out the big twist that he was the killer and

he was still alive while he was on Late Night with David

Letterman about 3 or 4 weeks before the movie came out.

That's amazing. So.

Just just absolutely ruined it for everybody, which is pretty

bad because the movie The movie cost 30 million to make right

and had a box off of 77 million. So if you add on like, you know,

doubling the money for the marketing budget, it pretty much

struggled to kind of break even. So it was it was seen as a bit

of a bit of a flop at a time when Bruce Willis was like, you

know, pretty hot shit. I mentioned this already, but

the I think the movie takes place in Pittsburgh and is the

director and screenwriter Rowdy Harrington's place of birth.

Also pretty cool. The trailer is voiced by Howard

Douglas, which is something we haven't mentioned yet, But

Howard Douglas is a voice actor who voice about a zillion

trailers and did most of the trailers for the movies that

we've been talking about on this podcast.

So he's like your typical like in the world kind of guy.

And there's a working working in progress list on IMDb of all the

trailers he did up to his death in 2014.

It includes like most movies you can think of.

It's like the rock, the the fly, war world, Forrest Gump,

Jumanji, Crimson Tide, last Boy Scout, die hard, die hard two,

die over the vengeance Dune, like Roadhouse, like any any any

movie you can think of. It's it's this guy.

It's incredible. So some we should look out for.

Final bit of trivia I've got is I fell into a bit of a bit of a

Wikipedia rabbit hole looking into the life of Tom Sizemore.

Because obviously he had a troubled existence on this earth

with a whole bunch of stuff going on, substance misuse, more

than one occasion where he's told some pretty tall tales and

there's nothing to substantiate it.

Just stuff like that. Which is a real shame because he

had a really promising career, did like a bunch of really good

movies on a bounce, took a few years off, was in rehab, came

back, still kept acting. Notably, I think for most

people, Saving Private Ryan, this point break.

Yeah, exactly. It's always sunny in

Philadelphia. Indeed, Yeah, yeah.

So, so, yeah, loads of good stuff like that.

So it's a bit of a bit of a tragedy.

It's also obviously very tragic for the people that in his life,

through his disease of addiction, alcoholism or

whatever, also hurt, you know, so I'm not making light of that

at all. 11 weird thing I did find, though, 22 weird things.

One, one of his sort of weird claims was that his

ex-girlfriend Liz Hurley had had sex with Bill Clinton.

I don't, I don't know if that was like, I don't know if that

was like a bit of information that anybody asked for or the

context about where that came from.

But. But yeah, everybody involved

that has denied it. So yeah, where's the Clinton

Little early files? Why won't they release the

Clinton Little Early files? It's just like a really weird

sort of cock like flex like I've been in the same body of former

president has. Yeah, you know.

What I'm going to say, though, I can just imagine him kind of

like falling down a hill and saying, hey, my ex-girlfriend,

fuck the president, you know? Or like turning up drunk at the

policeman's ball and go on. My ex-girlfriend fucked Bill

Clinton. I live in Christmas.

Favourite TV? Yeah.

Another Christmas. You want to see the pictures of

me holding Bill Clinton's hips? He was tired.

And the second thing that I looked up was, and I don't think

it's going to help, is as I mentioned, he had some

substances issues and drug addictions and so on in the

past. And part of that process is

expecting to deliver urine samples for drugs testing when

requested by, you know, various people involved in his work and

maybe the police aren't sure. One such occasion, he was caught

trying to fake a urine sample by using a device called a

Whizzinator, which then, which, which then makes me, which then

made me look up so that I had to fall into the the obvious thing

then was what's why? What's a wet, What's a

whizzinator? So I looked, I looked at that

and from the Wikipedia, the original Whizzinator is a

product advertised as a wet sex simulator intended to promote

simulated male urination as a safer alternative to using real

urine for sexual fetish activity.

But most consumers purchase the device to fraudulently defeat

drug tests. So I'm sure Sonia, you are you,

you have been drug tested as I have been at work.

And what they do is like for us, I go a bunch of people called

like the CDT team. It's a small team of people come

to like a unit and they basically say we're going to

test like 50 percent, 75% a 100% of all the all the people here.

And then what they do is they set up like some desks.

They get all the little cups and everything out filling all the

forms and that, But then they canvas.

They're kind of like get quote unquote scare quotes volunteers

from from the unit. They're like century the people

giving the samples. So you go off, you get given

your little cup, you go off to the the heads and then someone

you know, probably subordinate to you in rank stands over you

and watches you piss into a cup. So, so that was happening to

Thomas Sizemore, but he used this device.

And as you can imagine, I looked it up.

I saw a picture of it. And it is just basically like a

pair of like, underpants with like a fake flaccid penis with a

foreskin dangling, dangling out of them and like a pump

contraction to like where you'd pour in the mixture to make your

false urine. So you must have been stood

there, like pumping away with one hand, like into this thing.

Like, it's like, why? Why is the P coming out in like

little pumps? Like, what's going on?

Yeah. Funnily enough actually I've

been wondering about this for a while now since they've

legalised smoking weed for like the broader populace here.

It's not like for for police and the military, but I've actually

never been actively drug tested. What have you?

How many years have you been in now?

It's like almost 4 now. Have you not good drug?

Testing for So I've got to do an annual fitness evaluation that

involves urine analysts. A little fucking horrible word.

So they take my piss and have a look at it.

But I mean, if I was smoking pot the entire time, that would

obviously show up during that time.

But I've never been actively drug tested.

So our guys just sort of descend on like training establishments

normally, or the ship's going into like a foreign run ashore

somewhere where like, you know, there's a risk that the ship's

company might have fun. They'll like descend there as

well normally, like normally it's got hot sunny places that

are like the best places to go to.

So like I had it happen once to us when we arrived in, I want to

say Ponce Delgada, where they just like the next day, boom,

CDC arrives, right guys? Everyone went out last night.

Obviously like, well, it's designed to catch all people who

go and like do recreation cocaine as soon as they're like

free from the ship for a split second, obviously.

So it's like funnily enough, whenever them peace show up here

it is because people are doing cocaine and but we didn't do

drug tests at the same time. So I am wondering how do they

know? Is half of us just constantly

snitching on the other because we didn't.

I've never been selected for drug tests.

I've never heard of anyone being selected for drug tests.

I don't know anyone who's been drug tested.

So we. Do quite a lot.

I've done it about probably 6 or 7 times over the last of my

career and I've been in for 11 years now, so.

And there's so weird to me because I've like I've heard

shout out to the American followers of the of the podcast.

I've heard of like civilian employers doing it to their

employees. And like, yeah, and I have

access to like weapons, I have access to guns, I have access to

anti ship weapons. I could if I press the one, this

is a bit over dramatic but if I press the wrong button and the

wrong time I might actually start a war.

But I've never been drug tested my years of service and there's

like people out there getting pissed scream for like working

at the supermarket out there. It seems a bit weird to me.

Would you like? Would you guys like to hear the

end of the Wizarding story? I am not getting pictures out of

my mind any thank you for that. It's just it's like half an

hour. Every time is a picture of a

different plastic penis. So.

In a simpler time, cast your mind back to the George W Bush

administration. In 2005, the US Congress held

hearings on the resonator to to to discuss discuss its impacts

culturally to the American mindset.

Now this also thinks it ties in with another great Pittsburgh

fact. So this is a real Pittsburgh

episode. In 2006, a Pittsburgh area woman

and her friend were charged with disorderly conduct and criminal

mischief after they asked a convenience store clerk to

microwave one of the devices so the woman could pass a drug

test. The clerk thinking it was a real

penis for the police. The mischief The mischief charge

was then dropped after the friend agreed to replace the

oven because OSHA regulations didn't allow an oven to be used

when bugling foods are placed in it.

So this then suggests that the man did oblige by microwaving it

and then called the police. I was going to say, what does

this guy? You won't believe what I've just

done. Yeah, sure, I'm.

Going to microwave your penis. I'm going to call the cops about

it though. Wouldn't that be like an offence

in itself if it was like a disembodied penis?

Wouldn't like abuse of a corpse or something like that.

Yeah, especially if it if it was like did it uncoerced, It

doesn't feel like just just like agreed to to microwave what he

assumed to be an actual penis. Horrible that.

But if if you microwave a penis and you you think if it's you

think it's a real penis, can't you be charged with

dismemberment? Germans talking about cooking

penises. Nine.

I'm going. To I'm going to I'm going to

keep down, I'm going to keep down the story because I get I

get the same wizard a few more times.

So under the heading federal fraud case on October 14th,

2008, United States District Court for the Western District

of Pennsylvania. So yeah, they're still in that

area. Won a 19 count invitement

against Puck Technology, maker of the Wizard ASA, and its

owners for fraud and selling drug paraphernalia.

Prosecutors allege that by manufacturing and selling there

was a technology company. President Gerald Wills and Vice

President Robert Catalano conspired to defraud the

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration,

which administers federal workplace drug testing

programmes. So the government sought to

forfeit all of its companies assets, including its Internet

demand names. So basically because they sell,

someone can get you out of drugs tests.

The people who are responsible the federal body responsible for

drugs tests were like you're trying to defraud the

government. So on November 24th of 20,008

put technology, Wills and Catalano pleaded guilty in a

Pittsburgh federal court to one kind of conspiracy to defraud

the government and one kind of conspiracy to sell drug

paraphernalia. Wills and Catalano were

scheduled to be sentenced in February 2009.

They faced up to 8 years in prison and an $800,000 fine.

In the end, Wills, who's the president, was sentenced to six

months in prison and Catano was sentenced to three years of

probation. But obviously they lost the

money, they lost the business and everything else.

So not such a harmless device. The old was an AM.

Not such a harmless device at all.

And probably not. It's what happened if Tom

Sizemore hadn't been caught trying to use one.

So there you go. Incredible.

Anyway, that was trivia. This is the point.

The point. Plus now where I ask Sonia, how

would this shit have gone down in Germany or in the Elbe?

Obviously by your native Hamburg, Not the Wizard of

stuff, the movie. How would the movie have gone

down in? German German standpoint on

plastic penises. It's the following here.

It's going to be a 2 point S Sigmund Freud once said no

anyway, so in Hamburg, how is this good question.

So that you you've asked me this earlier and there's a bunch of

different agencies and police agencies where I'm at right now

supervising anything that happens basically on the river.

Given that Hamburg is one of the main German seaports, we've got

a large Port Authority, is sort of acting as a government

branch, but it's also part of a privatised company owned by the

city state of Hamburg, which is which has legal responsibility

over anything happening in the port.

But there's also several branches of police working here.

We've got customs, which is its own police force, part of, well,

the financial State Department. We've got the regional police,

which will have its own branch working on the river.

We're probably going to have federal police as well since

it's it's a waterway and international seaport.

Any of those bodies? Do you think Bruce Willis as a

fuck up homicide detective that everybody hates would would

thrive being a little maverick pushing his pushing his oppo off

off off his boat in the morning? So the bodies, I think the the

bodies would. So it depends on who they're

being found by. Oh no, sorry, I meant like

government bodies that. You right so they would all be

involved and then they would have to haggle about it was to

clear that up. So I would probably given my

involvement with the Port Authority and the harbour masa

probably end up in a meeting where someone's showing me a

photograph. Look, we found a course this

morning again on such and such river part because there's this

this one part of of the river where like dead people keep

washing up. Because at the lower tide, you

can just measure the sort of dam in in in the middle of the river

that separates like the fairway from the shadow apart and dead

people keep showing up there for some reason.

So I would probably initially just get a weird WhatsApp

message, like we found another dead body with a weird picture

on it or something. I think then would fall like to

to like regional police or depending on who.

Regional police would probably try to identify that body and

depending on who who the body is, it would then fall to a

different department. I don't think Hamburg's local

police is quite incestuous. As.

Fairly in that film. Yeah.

It's it's like I've dealt with like two or three local police

officers in a professional capacity and they don't seem as,

as inbred as, as the police in that film are made out to be.

So they didn't immediately identify themselves as each

other's cousins when they spoke to you?

No, Jimmy. Yeah, no, Jimmy.

No, they did not. When when I had to work with

these guys, they all seemed fairly professional.

So, so they I have some hope that it wouldn't result like in

what is essentially a family shoot off.

What do you go against Cops getting the job done, Tonya?

You're talking like some internal affairs puke here,

Sonya. Well, to, to, to quote, well, I

mean, if, if we go that road to quote my former CEO to my

current CEO, you've got to be careful with that one.

He will report anything. Oh.

Apparently I have. I have.

Within the last six months I have developed the long standing

habit of court martialing anyone.

Apparently, allegedly. I don't think really.

Sorry, Your your name is like Jimmy the Rat.

This is Give me a Rat. This is Jimmy the Rat.

You can't trust them. Oh, your partner's Jimmy the

Rat. There.

You better wear a bulletproof vest on your ass.

But also, if this went down in Germany, there would be a lot

less shooting. And certainly not with flagons.

Possibly with, especially if it's customs.

Customs gets more access to firearms than I do, which is

like weird. I don't know why or how, but

just don't fuck with anything that involves taxes.

I guess we'll take that very seriously.

All right, let's roll in a note from the peanut gallery.

Now this film has some absolutely excellent discourse

from cinema notes on the excellent website known as

Letterbox, the website that generates a significant amount

of user content for us. Thank you so much Letterbox for

making my job easier finding funny things to talk about on

the Internet. I love Bruce Willis shooting his

gun face that he makes in every movie where he's shooting his

gun. Pittsburgh Jello.

Best city in the fucking world. Number one baby.

I take my jello with fries on the sandwich Jag off.

Nobody does it better. Yinza Pride 3 1/2 stars.

If I delivered that in a Pittsburgh accent may have been

funnier. This is a good movie to nap to.

I unfortunately didn't take my own advice as someone who gave

it one star between this. Between this and Die Hard three,

Alcoholic Bruce Willis is my spirit.

Is my spirit animal. Hashtag sex cures alcoholism.

Someone puts a quote in here. Get in your little fucking boat

and get out of here. Go catch a fish.

It seems like a lot of Pittsburgh cops do not respect

any of the Three Rivers. Robert Pastorelli.

Absolutely maniacal in this while I think about him like

doing this between episodes of Murphy Brown.

Someone who has a cat as their profile picture says did they

have sex in front of the cat? 2 crying emojis.

Yes they did. Wow, this film is fucking

stinking. Says someone giving up one star.

There's an old Irish saying don't listen to old Italian

sings. Three stars watching in honour

of one year ago. What?

I watched striking distance five times in 48 hours, says Connie,

giving the film two stars. A 3 1/2 star here.

America's Finest City has never looked more beautiful.

A classic Pittsburgh jello, gorgeously filmed, extremely

stupid, misogynistic, starring Bruce Willis is the most He just

like me for real for real protagonist of all time.

Brackets. Gin soak loser horn dog blasting

cigs blasting cigs. Do it for America.

Blasting cigs on a sick ass houseboat.

Close brackets and featuring an unceasing procession of our

finest leathery character mugs brackets TomTom Atkins, Andrea

brauer, Dennis in a close brackets unfortunately peaks

earlier the wild, geographically incoherent multi car chase.

But the rest of the movie is not without its charms.

Italian Irish into ethnic conflict.

Sarah Jessica Parker suffering from a severe case of Pittsburgh

goggles and falling in love for the most alcoholic cop.

The most alcoholic cop of all time.

Tom Sizemore. Exclamation marks.

We bombed around tonight. So whatever happens to this dog

shit dumb fuck Nazi country is more deserved, but I do

selfishly hope the pride of the Allegheny emerges unscathed. 1

1/2 stars. I once saw kid, after being worn

by his parents, grandparents, friends, parents and friends

themselves not to grab an electric fence, grabbed the

electric fence and then grew apoplectic when it shocked the

living hell out of them. I once went to a high school

talent show where a band finished their set with a very

bad cover of Snozik Teen Spirit and the guitar player smashed

his Strat on the gymnasium floor, leaving a sizable gash in

the wooden floorboards and then tried to light the pieces on

fire, resulting in and being detained by the police and

expelled. I once played a show at a Fish

Camp. A guy walked up to the edge of

the flatbed trailer serving as a stage.

Chugs Do It for America, choked an entire bottle of Doctor

Mcgillicuddy's medfoldment schnapps, repeatedly called

everyone in the crowd the N word, and then a projectile

vomited on our monitors before passing out underneath the

trailer. So striking distance isn't the

stupidest thing I've ever seen, but it's close and just one

thing that I I don't even need to just do the full review, but

a terrific dipshit thriller that seems to exist outside of any

recognisable reality or psychic space.

I'm not even finishing that review because that's perfect.

That's Le Bon, more dipshit thriller.

But is it isn't it that's that's going to be in our lexicon going

forward, I think Dipshit thriller.

Oh beautiful. Thank you very much, letterbox

and Rory for reading those notes from the peanut gallery.

Cool, right. I'd like to do I'd like to offer

up this despite the fact that this is not a spy for the royal

military for in any regard whatsoever.

I'd like to offer up the the most likely course of action,

most dangerous course of action and most hilarious course of

actions of of the movie. I have drafted a most likely

course of action, which I think is that Hardy and Emily stayed

together. Hardy is welcomed back into the

fold as a cop and gets back at a homicide which we see in the

movie. He eventually makes it up to the

chief of homicide like his dad was.

About four year olds joins the police as well, which is over.

And while they're responding, responding to a car chase on

their way to the 2017 Policeman's Ball, they discuss

about how he wants grandchildren and then their craft crashes

along with the perp and then Tom Sizemore, who is also a cop now,

crashes up to them and finds out the perp is his own son.

He then gets into a hustle with Hardy and then kills Hardy by

accident. And then the daughter adopted

becomes a river cop. That's the most likely got a

way. Of repeating. 6th generation

cop. Most dangerous course of action

is remember Detective Eddie in scumbag mode.

He spends the next five years after the events of this movie

threatening to have a fight with Willis until eventually he turns

up at the houseboat one night and kills him with a boot.

Or Tom's Hardy's son, who he calls Bruce Willis Hardy, played

by Tom Hardy. That was revenge Bruce Willis

Hardy, played by Tom Hardy actor shaves his head, becomes a

luchador and through a series of medical experiments got awry.

He requires A respirator mask to breathe and then he starts a

city wise vengeance against detective Eddie.

Eventually he destroys all the bridges that leads over the

rivers of Pittsburgh, holding the entire city to ransom until

no one can deliver him. The body is detected that he.

Just the part of The Dark Knight Rises.

That's the joke. Incredible.

Incredible. And then most hilarious course

of action is is is a conceptual one.

But but this movie is a direct prequel to Sex and the City.

A detective Emilie Harper is actually a pre witness

protection Carrie Bradshaw and her entire life in New York is

actually just an elaborate part of the witness protection scheme

after she uncovers the much missing organisational

corruption within the Pittsburgh PD.

Like that? Makes sense to me.

Yeah, I was thinking you could have a hilarious course of

action in which Bruce Willis is transferred to Seattle Police

Department's homicide team to find that his father in fact did

not die and had raised a secret family.

The addition of Tom Hardy to to the Korean family payable

charges the very idea of the Crane Brothers mysteries.

Frasier then takes a genre shifting turn at around Season

3, when Tom Hardy now added the cast sets up the fine art fraud

division for Seattle police. Yes, he's a great callbacks to

Frasier. Love it.

Sidelong niche reference to a particular episode of Frasier.

That's the fine art one. That's the one where the is that

the one where they try to get rid of that painting that that

he doesn't like that that Marty buys?

Frasier buys a painting and then I think believes that it's not

an original. And Marty's like, here's a

number. Why don't you ring my old, my

old station house or whatever and ask, ask for the ask for the

for the fine art fraud team? Like yes, I'll hold.

Yeah, so good. Good.

I would like that as a course of action because that would neatly

avoid that awkward like fat Daphne season when she was

pregnant and I was just trying to hide it by having her have

like weird waking. Well I mean the show would

become a full on cop show at that point despite being about

fine art fraud and Daphne would have to get killed in order to

make the show more emotive and gritty.

What's this the way it is, man? Awesome, I love it right.

Again, this is not a military movie yet there is a most

egregious oversell of the military just to a complex.

Can't agree that we often do, but but I would say that there

is not really another sell of the the MIC.

I'm going to shorten it as but there is perhaps an exaggeration

of the effectiveness of of the Marine flair as an offensive

weapon as we've litigate already.

And then I was going to ask you, Rory, if you had any opinions

about the shotgun that you get. He's been issued.

I thought that it would be bullshit to have such a shotgun,

but then I typed into Google Pittsburgh Free Rivers

alligators and turns out there's a valid reason for having those.

Shotguns. Wow.

I mean, to be honest with with the way you look at how American

police are equipped now, it would have be it would be in the

R15. It would be like a patrol rifle

rather than a shotgun. But I mean, it's, it's it's

totally believable that they would have had a long arm on the

on on the boat. And also with constraints of

budgets before the American police seem to get massively

militarised and get massive high expense budgets.

It's believable that they had like, what, 33 cartridges for

it? 1995 this almost 393.

How the fuck does this film look better than than fucking OPS and

other K about two years afterwards?

I mean, yeah, it's like totally believable that they would have

like a shotgun on on on on board the boat.

I guess that's that's my take on it.

If if the film was made like 10 years later, they would have

probably had like what did what the police refer to as a patrol

rifle. So yeah.

Cool, carrying on with the categories.

Question for the floor Would this movie be better if it had

doctor Jack Ryan, doctor Richard Kimble, or president James

Marshall scare quotes get off my plane close grey quotes in it

this. Is a hard one, man.

Yeah, this is this is difficult because those are great

characters. So my thought process on this

and then they are, I've said in this particular instance that

President Marshall and Jack Ryan are probably a bit qualified for

this movie, this. This this is a cop movie, not a

government echelon movie. Just just why my telescope is

honed in on a doctor Richard Kimball, because there's one

thing that Richard Kimball can do is they can establish when a

person hasn't committed a crime that they're accused of.

So he could have been the guy who helps out Kesser.

Do you remember Kesser? The guy who the Patsy The Patsy

for the Polish Hill murders? He could come to his defence and

then maybe they would have uncovered Jimmy a bit sooner and

then maybe Hardy wouldn't have wound up tied to a chair.

Richard Kimble is brought in as an expert witness for the case.

Yes, and he's a doctor, right? So we can we can establish like

what medical info would this would This movie, however, have

benefited from a weird little scruffy guy played by Peter

Falk? Absolutely.

I think most films would. The question is where would

apply this scruffy little guy played by Peter Falk?

I would like to see him kind of bumbling around the policeman's

ball, dressed totally out with the dress code, smoking and

saying, oh, you know, my wife, she always has me.

Just one more thing. One more thing I would love to

have. I would love to have had like

get a fault as maybe one of the detectives who wasn't a Dick

head, because if you notice how every one of the films an

asshole man. I mean, I'd say the Michael Bier

Transformers films, how there's a point in them and just

everyone's a Dick head. Everyone's a fucking psycho,

right? I mean, there's that one guy

who's got a laminated copy of the Romeo and Juliet law and his

wallet and he's meant to be the good guy and he's just yelling

at people all the time. It isn't like that kind of

concentrated assholery like, but everyone is a Dick in this film

on on levels and I'd. Like to see?

Someone wholesome like Colombo, just bumbling around and being

insightful because he'd be the only guy, the only guy in the

force who believed Tom Hardy. So I think I agree with you.

What I think they should do is you should have replaced.

As much as I love some of your best feels and he does a great

job in this movie. Unfortunately this movie as you

see is top as assholes. We don't need one more hassle.

So what should have happened is Peter Falk should have been like

a really old like just about to retire.

Maybe he's extended by like 5-10 years cop right.

He's on the river section OK, and he's just working out his

his little retirement just throwing up and down the river.

But he's like a bit of a prankster and he does the little

prank with the engine Revs to because because, because,

because fuck me because like Tom Hardy is like a land lover,

right? He's like a homicide cop.

He needs to be brought on a pig or two.

So it makes sense that it would be messed around with by the

river guys who've got their own little insular riverboat culture

guy. So I think, I think Peter Falk

is like his original partner who's this like old like 20 tabs

a day kind of guy who's just like, hey, doctor in the water,

like get some dry clothes on kid and I'll pick you up on the next

run. One more thing.

Like, like, like, that's what he should do, right?

Class actually, you're doing as a good point that like Tom Hardy

is transferred to the River Police as essentially

punishment, yet somehow is they've got the child energy and

the respect to be able to turn up to work shithouse hungover at

5 in the evening and no one cares.

And and it's like, you would think that maybe they would

hears him a bit and think he sucks, but the rest of the river

police appears to just be nerds. And it's like, yeah.

It's like like the wire, right? It's the wire, isn't it?

With McNulty gets into the the river police in Baltimore and

like the sort of Season 2, like it's a punishment.

It's like the slow horses of the cops, right?

Do you do you think like the rest of the like the river

police team are all there for being shit at the job as well or

or being too good at the job? You know, because I think most

of. The more yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wonder, I wonder how this movie went down with the river

rescue, because obviously it's a real, must be a real thing.

Three Rivers converge over Pittsburgh.

So like, you know, I wonder what they actually thought of it.

Did it make them look good because they were like doing

cool stuff or did they make them look shit because these were

like the B team and there was stupid little shorts and stuff?

It's. A very good question.

What this movie Rory have benefited from Lieutenant

Commander Samuel L Jackson, U.S., Navy. 100% he's the naval

attache to the to the boat police.

He has a much faster boat than the rest of them.

Go catch a fish, motherfucker. So I, I agree he's involved in

the river stuff. So I think he, he could have

potentially replaced Captain Pendeman, who's his boss at the

river rescue. And he could be like, so when

he's on the radio, he's like turning his radio off to like

avoid talking to his boss. He could be like God damn hard

to get your motherfucking ass back here and put up, you know,

fucking fuck. Yeah.

Kind of thing. Happy class.

You're the Ding travellers or what?

Right. So Ding Chavez Award for the

missed opportunity in the movie named after Ding Chavez from

many a Tom Clancy product. For me, there is no scene set in

the Roadhouse. There is no scene where Willis

rips out the guy's throat with his bare hands.

There's no scene where Sam Elliott is kicking the fuck out

of a giant idiot baby man outside of a bar while the drays

arrives. There's no bit where a monster

truck drives over a bunch of cars.

This film isn't Roadhouse and that is a missed opportunity.

We. Could there is no scene when the

guy who was originally done for being the Polish Hill murderer

is released and then would have to say this quite meekly to the

news camera because he wasn't a very intimidating guy.

You would quite meekly and weakly say it the to the to the

news reporters. I I used to fuck guys like you

in prison because it's not like the full throat.

Say it with your chest. I used to fuck guys like you in

prison line from Roadhouse because of course that castle

guy that the the alleged Polish shell the route was was not the

guy. He's he's not a scary dude.

It would have to be quite a quite a weak little minuscule

flex bind. Alternatively, we are always

going to come back that line because it's it's a brilliant

line. There's not enough references to

Roadhouse like they they could have made all any, any number of

references. It's like, you know what?

What do I do if he calls me a cock sucker?

It's like it's, it's two nouns used together to the little

response, like just all that bullshit like pain don't hurt.

Someone could have said pain don't hurt.

There's a bad knee which barely gets referenced in the film to

me. Like, oh, paint don't hurt, you

know, pain don't hurt. Pain don't hurt, yeah.

Or or one of the killers like revealing a bull press.

I'm the best cop, but professed pain don't hurt.

I love it, but finally we are up to command and signals call

signs in the movie. I really struggle with this

every week. I don't know why I keep doing

it. So TomTom Hardy for me right?

The only one I fought for him is Landshark.

He twats the guy with it. That's great.

Jimmy Chatello is obviously. That's got up.

That's got up. I don't want to deep dish

Farina. I've read that letterbox.

So Dennis Farina deep dish, deep dish.

I love that. But but also I was thinking like

one of his many roles. He's obviously had many, many

unforgettable role in his long storied career.

God rest his soul. But but one of those was Nick

Miller's father in New Girl. Mr Mr. Miller, Tom Sizemore.

I don't want to. I don't want to split the man's

memory, but. Whizzing it as a good one.

Party Crash has a good one. Meatball.

Just like call him Homer as in Simpsons.

Yeah, that's all I've got. I didn't.

I couldn't think of a one for for Sir Jessica Parker, SJP, Mrs

Big. Biggest move on the Pittsburgh.

It's bad that we can't think of a call sign for her.

I guess light bulb because she didn't realise was a problem on

the light bulb in our in our bedroom was unscrewed.

Right. Yeah, Reckless, Reckless,

reckless. I love it, right guys?

That brings us to the end of another episode of Here and

Present Dudes. So that was striking.

Distance 1993. Sorry, Bruce Willis, our next

movie. Whose pick is it next?

Or Rory. OK, so the next one is Rory Pick

and we are going to stick with the 1990s and we're going to go

with Enemy of the State. Awesome.

Tony Scott, Is it 19? 90 I want to say 9768 I want to

say 97981998 Will Smith Will Smith mode.

Great movie. In scumbag mode.

A very young and unfamous Jack Black Regina King.

He's going to be class. Lisa Bonet.

Always, always a good pick. This is going to rule.

This is brilliant. I mean, I mean, it was a film

that was ahead of its time with the whole surveillance state

thing as well. Because we do live in a fucking

panopticon and it's going to be great.

We're going to stick with some. With some 90s film vibes and

just amp it up with the kind of levels of paranoia that are more

suited to the 20 twenties. Let's see how well this film

holds up with today's surveillance data.

Wonderful. I love it and I can't wait.

So I guess what remains to be said is thank everybody for

listening and in. Present dudes.

Clear and present one. Day one day we're going to

always be at the same time. One day we'll have that synced

up. So yeah, thank you so much.

I'm Rory. This has been Mike and Sonia,

and you can find me on Twitter as Rory O'Toole.

Rory is spelled RUARI. Otoole is spelled as in Peter.

I'm not related. I will allow the boys to give

you their social media handles after I tell you that Clear and

Present Dudes is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon,

it's on SoundCloud, it's on Podcast Addict, Overcast, and

you can find us on Instagram at Clear and Present Dudes.

I am Mike on threads as Mike T 2049.

It's probably where the best place to find me and the gramme,

the Portuguese also on YouTube. Now we have the YouTube channel,

so that's pretty cool. I've put a lot of shorts and

posts of little videos and tidbits there.

So that's me and Sonia. Hi.

I'm Sonia and thanks for listening in this week and as

elaborated earlier, there is a very good README and the longer

frequenting social media. So if you want to hear from me,

you'll have when the clear and present dude, public sites on

YouTube and Instagram. Thank you.

Yeah. We'll go a man and.

Everybody keeps. Us how to blow the purpose

goodnight.

Striking Distance (1993)

What's This About?